Chapter 2 - the plan

Teddy had been formulating a plan. Actually, Teddy and his close friend Julian AKA. Jules had been formulating a plan. Teddy and Jules had met in the academy and it had been an instant connection. Classic football boys, their chemistry was initially noticed on the pitch and translated into a fast and easy friendship. Years of football camps, ‘soccer’ tours abroad, practicing for hours on frozen pitches had bought the boys closer and closer. But in the last few years their friendship had taken on a new level. Teddy had watched Jules start to fade into grey, his performance unmatched but his spark for life seemed to be waning and waning. His closest friend felt distant and a hostility grew as Jules withdrew further and further pushing everyone back. Teddy was wounded and had gone home sullen and sad naturally drawing the attention of his mother. Teddy’s mum was the mother of boys for sure. She had a cupboard full of margarita mix and thermos cups for sipping pitch side on miserable Sunday mornings watching her sons play. She had an outdoor shoe rack for football boots, a non-negotiable mud policy for the house so her boys were regularly hosed off on the driveway and her latest edition was a City shirt with her sons numbers on the back and ‘Mum’ arching over. However, what she was not was a pushover that thought her boys were God’s gift. She wasn’t in the habit of raising self important, entitled arseholes. In fact this instance of Teddy brooding over Jules’ being ‘weird’ his mum very much thought Teddy was in the wrong.
‘If he won’t talk to you- his best friend in the world- and you don’t know why, don’t you think that says more about how he feels than about you?’
And that was the comment that broke the camels back. Teddy was charged up with the relief that he hadn’t been rejected and approached Jules. It all came out. Jules was gay. Through Jules’ fat tears as he told his story, Teddy knew that the sliver of fear he felt Jules would feel more than tenfold. The trust Jules had put in him caused him to be open about his true desires. Now both had an advocate for the revelation of each of their ‘double lives’ and a newfound strength to their bond. Jules’ influence had in fact been paramount for Teddy coming to his recent conclusion. They had been lounging in their shared room in another European city at a camp sometime last year. This time was where Jules was his true self and he was reading some celebrity rag mags before he exclaimed.
‘Teddy? Mate, I have the maddest idea.’ Teddy looked over blankly, eyebrow raised.
‘Nah, hear me out like. So you see in this magazine they are talking about that singer, you see here.’ He pointed to a picture in the magazine.
‘Yeah so…’
‘Well they are banging on about how she gained weight in her relationship, what an icon she is, a ‘real’ woman. All that bullshit right but are you thinking what I’m thinking right now?’ Jules was grinning. Teddy stared even more vacant than before.
‘Jesus Christ boy, you ain’t got no kind of clue. So, you want to date those curvy goddess girls right?’
Teddy always blushed when Jules bought it up, it made him feel so exposed. But he’d never not loved big girls, he didn’t know why, he just did. Was it that bad? He wasn’t here for the dark side of the culture, it made him feel sick to his stomach. Or even treating a woman like a commodity or a possession to just have and admire like some of the guys online did. His mum would disown him first anyway. He wanted someone who loved him and loved some meat on her bones, her choice. That didn’t seem as sick and twisted as people would make it out.
‘Teddy… Teddy? Teddy!! What the fuck?’ Jules was snapping his fingers.
‘Sorry, sorry- go on what is it? You know that’s my type dude.’
‘So you meet a girl now, your agent loves her, shes perfect for you blah blah blah right. The dream.’
Teddy raised his eyebrows again, this time incredulously.
‘Hear me out man! So I said she’s perfect for you, and to be perfect for you she needs to like her food. A lot. Her 18 year old metabolism ain’t gonna last forever. Give it a few years and she’s your dream girl in mind, soul and bodddddaaaay.’ Jules yelled the last words air drawing a coke bottle girl.
‘Jules!!!’ Teddy threw a pillow at him. ‘I couldn’t do that though, I’m not going to just make some girl fat so I like fucking her more. You see how that is fucked up?’
‘Fucking hell man, when you say it like that! And I’m not suggesting you’re putting protein powder in her food. I’m just saying when you’re not chasing girlies you notice a few things…’ Jules posed coquettishly.
‘Like what?’
‘Like the fact half the girls you boys date live off Diet Coke and McDonalds chicken nuggets. They think you want them thin, they don’t wanna be thin per se! They wanna eat shit and have fun.’
Teddy looked uneasy.
‘Teddy. You need to stop being so fucking shallow then. Love someone right they can relax and who knows what will happen. I just think you need to get out there, find someone you’re seriously into and likes football and pints and… fried chicken. Seriously, with these as your shared interests I don’t know why you’ve not had this idea?’
Teddy was laughing now, ‘Okay, okay, I see what you’re saying. And I do miss like giving a shit about the person I’m banging.’
‘Pure poetry there.’
‘Okay now you can ***.’
The conversation descended into chaos but the words stuck with Teddy. He’d been feeling trapped in meeting someone he was attracted to but he should be putting himself out there anyway. A tiny voice in his head pressed on the matter he could just meet someone he was attracted to begin with. But football wasn’t ready and he wasn’t ready to put himself on the line like that. It was weak he knew it but at 17 and a half he wasn’t ready to do anything differently.