Chapter 1

My daughter Dani has been the apple of my eye her whole life. Or should I say, more of a pear. 

We are a big Caribbean family. The whole lot of us are piled into one little townhouse. My husband and I divorced when we were young - he fell in love with motorcycles and the women that sell them. We’re still on good terms, swapping the kids back and forth every other weekend. Dani always had a good relationship with her dad.

Growing up, it was me, Dani, my sister Paulina (her aunt), and now, her younger brother Marvin. But if you know anything about island living, it's that the door is always open to family. I would say that it it is the rarest of occasions that our dinner table is just the four of us on a given weeknight - let alone the weekend.

But, if there’s one thing you know about island living, it’s the food.

Silver tinfoil trays stacked to the brim.

Bottles and bottles of beer and rum.

Servings that start at two trips back. 

We know how to love life, we know how to live life, and we know how to celebrate the bounty of Creation.

Needless to say, I am not a small woman. After I had my kids I just stopped trying to be the cute little thang in a dress. My metabolism gave up, and frankly, so did I. Something about a beer and a fry up after work seemed more important than tight skinny jeans.

We’re all big personalities, and big booties. Something in our DNA just packs the wagon and makes us celebrate it. Dani was always thicker than other girls, but as she matured, she worked really hard to fit into a certain style. We would fight about it for a while - me telling her that she was never gonna pass as one of those fucked-up-white girls from over by the cul-de-sac. She didn’t need to be. She was beautiful, and she was bubbly, and she was gonna be one hell of a woman.

My sister Paulina and I never played any tricks on Dani. When she was a teenager, we respected her choices and stopped at one serving. I remember all those stupid smoothies and protein bowls and detox bottles. They don’t work a damn thing, except in my little girls mind. As long as it made her feel beautiful, we let her on it. 

Paulina and I aren’t no tiny things. Those years when Dani was on her healthy 16 year old juice meant for a lot of trips to the shopping malls for us two big mamas. I must’ve put on 60lbs easy. Paulina finally caught up to my big old booty and started borrowing my clothes. It was a bonding lesson for us.

Dani was always artistic and dreamed of having her own business. She went off to school on a scholarship and left us at home with just little Marvin - he’s about 15 years younger than Dani (a souvenir from a one night stand).

Now I’m sure you’re tired of my yapping and want me to get to the good bit. Well relax, chill yourself, cuz here’s where it starts.