Chapter 4 - making oneself vulnerable

Brandon had to work for a few more hours, so Lily walked through the different departments of the site. Everyone was very friendly and attentive and answered her questions without hesitation. Lily spent the longest time by far, with the three illustrators. Their artwork was so beautiful and there were so many sketches and illustrations that never made it into the actual book, Lily was overwhelmed.
She was deeply immersed in a little stack of drawings she had curated, when she realized, that the office room around her had emptied. Instead, Brandon leaned in the doorframe, his green eyes glowing with affection.
»I love you Lily Chen.«
Lily felt herself blush. Brandon slowly approached her and she had to force herself to hold still and let him make the first step.
He took her hands and pulled her up into his arms. Brandon’s lips kissed her gently, but Lily felt the fire beneath the surface. They had never lacked passion in their relationship and if it weren’t for his changed form, Lily was sure, they would have been together by now.
Brandon directed her towards the rear wall, pushing her against a poster of the current edition of the picture book. She felt his heavy body pressing against her and started to kiss Brandon more fervently, while feeling his hands on her waist and caressing her breasts. Lily couldn’t hold back any longer and grabbed his love handles, kneading the flab between her fingers. She didn’t shy away, when Brandon hitched up her skirt and grabbed for her back. That and his heavy breathing gave her courage to start unbuttoning his shirt. He was so distracted by them rediscovering their bodies, that he only realized what she was about to do, when his shirt was almost open and his jersey was about to ride up beyond his navel.
Brandon backed up. »Please don’t.«
Frustration welled over Lily. »But I want you. Can’t you see how I desire you.«
»You can’t desire me like that. I don’t want you to have to. If you wait until after Christmas and give me a little time to become myself again ...«
Lily wanted to scream her frustration out. Instead, she answered him calmly. »I can’t do that Brandon. If you have not enough trust in me to make yourself vulnerable before me, this is not what I thought it was.« With that, she left the office and took a walk back to the Bells house.

That evening, Annabelle brought Lilly her dinner to her room.
»He is miserable. I know it’s not your fault, but are you sure, you want to depart as soon as tomorrow? Cant the two of you discuss whatever it is, that came between you?«
Tears started to stream over Lily's cheeks. Brandon’s mother was perfect. She would have loved to call her family. »I don’t know how. And it hurts too much to see him, knowing that things are so difficult between us.«
Annabelle nodded. »I see. They are not easy to love, the Bell-men. Nevertheless, I hope you will figure it out. Brandon for sure is very much in love with you.«
Lily embraced the other woman, before she returned downstairs. Then, she settled on the broad windowsill and stared into the darkness. It had started to snow lightly during her walk back to the house, but now, dense, heavy snowflakes sailed from the sky and no moon was to be seen.
She must have fallen asleep, but when Lily opened her eyes again, the night in front of the window was pitch black. The street lamps must have had a malfunction. Someone cleared their throat and Lily startled.
»Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you up,« Brandon indicated the alarm clock on the nightstand that read that it was after midnight, »or be creepy.«
He still wore the suit pants and the white shirt from the office, but now, the fabric seemed to be even more stretched than before. Also, Lily noticed, that the black belt cut deep into Brandon’s soft, squashy paunch.
»Can I come in?«
She nodded, but remained silent.
Brandon came closer. There were not a lot of options on where to settle. She had taken the windowsill and there was no chair, so Brandon sat down on the bottom end of the bed. Lily was amazed at how little was missing for his gut to rest on his pants, which looked uncomfortably tight.
»I don’t want to lose you.«
»But you don’t trust me either.«
»I feel so ashamed. I have always been slim and well not trained, but fit. I don’t want you to have to settle for how I am now.«
»I told you before. I want you for yourself. Sometimes, being in love with someone means to expose oneself. And ...«
Brandon’s green eyes looked at her thoughtfully. »...and?«
Lily looked down at the floor. »OK, I am going to do all the advance performance here.« She inhaled and exhaled deeply. Then she put up all her courage. »I actually like it.«
»You don’t mean that.«
Lily felt her frustration rise again. »I revealed myself. Again. Is this all you have to say?«
Brandon made an effort to raise, but the bed was rather low-rise and only with some difficulty, he came to his feet. »I am sorry. It’s just so hard to believe. I almost doubled my weight. I feel my thighs rub together with each step and every other week my clothes get so tight, that I need new ones. Once my shirt ripped open at the office. I feel so repulsive.«
Lily got up too. She made a few steps towards Brandon, but stopped when they were still at least two feet apart. She wouldn’t force herself upon him.
Very slowly, Brandon extended his hand and Lily felt his fingers caressing her cheekbone. »Forgive me, Lily. I am truly willing to do everything to make this work.«
She kissed the palm of his hand and finally, Brandon closed the distance between them. Still insecure, he embraced her, pulling her closer toward him. He kissed her crown and then, finally, her lips. His kiss spoke of suppressed passion and longing, matching the eagerness with which Lily pressed her mouth on his.
Their kisses grew more and more passionate until Brandon withdrew. But this time, he didn’t push her away. Instead, he had taken one of her hands and pulled her towards the bed. He sat down on the edge, clearly feeling uncomfortable about the belt cutting deep between his flab. Then, he made her sit in his lap. »So you like what you see?« His voice sounded husky. Instantly, his cheeks reddened.
»I love what I see.« She could see, how Brandon tried to overcome how awkward he felt with his new body.
»Then would you want to touch?«
Lily sat on his lap, straddling his larger thighs with her legs. She pulled closer, pressing herself against his heavy paunch. Brandon propped himself back on his elbows, thereby putting his plump belly at display.
Lily leaned over him, grabbing again for the flab swelling over the belt at his back. They started to kiss again.
Brandon moaned once more, trying to shift into a position, where the restraint of his clothes weren’t so uncomfortable. »Please open it.« He looked up to her with both, need and shame. »Please open my belt.«
Lily grinned expectantly.