Chapter 1

Sexuality is so complex, so multi dimensional. It's truly laughable that a portion of the world still believes that heterosexuality is the "correct" orientation.

Being a part of the feedist community (belly sexual) automatically made me other - outside the lines of "straightness." Yet I always considered myself a VERY passionate ally, but not a member of the queer 🌈 community. I've been thru a lot this year, and thru that, I've rediscovered a lot about myself. Being a passionate ally and being outside of straightness made me believe I was exempt from Comphet ( Compulsory Heterosexuality) but I was not.

Comphet had me in a choke hold REAL bad - I didn't recognize that I automatically labeled my sapphic experiences as just "fun" and or non consequential. I had not considered being in an actual relationship with a woman as something I wanted. I didn't realize that I was holding on to an ideal of a prince /husband (male) being my "ultimate soul mate".

I unconsciously thought these things all while not engaging in or having the desire to have hetoro sex for years! I went on countless dates with nice men and never felt "sparks." I kept thinking "oh I just dont have chemistry with him ." I never considered that I was trying to mix the wrong elements.

Being an ally and feedist was not enough to shield me from indoctrination of heteronormative superiority. I dont criticize myself for this,and if you feel the same way, you shouldn't either. We all have grown up and under patriarchal rule. Even now, im still pulling back the layers of my programed thoughts and deciphering what ideas are mine and which belong to someone else.

✨️ It has been incredibly liberating to bring awareness to these thoughts and let go of ideas that do not align with me. 🚮

My deepest love - my most painful heartbreak; the most enjoyable, intellectually stimulating, and comfortable moments in my life have consistently occurred in the company of other women, where I feel most authentically myself. 👩🏾‍🤝‍👩🏿

My earliest memories of being a Feeder - both my fantasies and IRL experiences were with other women. 👩🏾‍🤝‍👩🏿 So this year, this PRIDE MONTH - it belongs to me, too! 🌈❤️🧡💛💚💙💜