Chapter 1
You know just how bad it's getting. Right? I mean, you have to know. You have to feel the way that all that blubbery fat is just packing itself onto your frame, the way all your pigging out has turned that bloated, swollen gut into a ball of lard that you couldn't even attempt to suck in, that you have absolutely no chance of obscuring.You think hoodies and sweatshirts are actually hiding what an overfed cow you’ve become? Maybe 30, 40 pounds ago, sure, but those clothes aren't baggy anymore. Are they? Your tubby, overstuffed belly just keeps protruding further and further into your lap, pushing out the front of all your shirts and straining your zippers and buttons until everything gets too tight for you to take it. Until you’re forced to free all that flab while you're stuffing yourself so you can actually breathe, so you have the room to shovel down more greasy fried rice like you haven't already eaten enough for a family of four.
And you always have some excuse, don't you, Fatty? Some reason why you’re so hungry and greedy, some reason why you can’t stop stuffing your piggish little face and smacking that wobbling gut to force out burps and make room for more. You actually think it's not your fault. It's your partner, right? They want to see you bigger, they’re the bad influence. All the sweets and fast food they buy for you, all the donuts they push down your throat. They're the reason that you’re having trouble squeezing into all your old clothes. They’re the reason you’re noticing yourself starting to waddle just to accommodate the heft of that ever-growing gut.
That’s cute. The denial. It's just gonna make you grow faster. You know that all the blubber you’ve been piling on is your fault. You know you’re the one to blame for the way you’ve been goring yourself lately, the way you’re swelling up like a greedy hippo ready to pop. You have no self-control and you wear it all over your body.
The idea that other people haven't noticed is really, truly hilarious. The first thing people think when they see you is how fat you’ve gotten. The first thing people think when they see you is how tight your clothes look on your overfed body, how wherever you sit down you have to push those fat thighs apart just to make room for the way your gut forces them apart with its size.
They see you waddling around, out of breath from a short little walk down the hall, and they have to hold back their judgmental comments. They can't control their thoughts though, just like you clearly can't control your eating. Everyone at your job wonders why you’re growing so quickly, how you could possibly let yourself go like this. The people you work with sometimes don’t even have the filter to hold their tongues, how does that not give you a major clue about how bad this is all getting? Asking you why you look bigger during sessions, telling you that they can barely fit past you in doorways, commenting on how tight your clothes are getting around your gut. All that soft, plush fat bulging from your body just makes them curious, they can't help it. They want to know what's causing you to turn into such a porker, what could possibly be making you stretch and swell into an unrecognizable tubster who can’t go an hour without thinking about their next meal.
You aren't curious though, are you, Fatty? Or at least, you shouldn't be. You should know exactly how you’ve turned into a double-chinned fatty who jiggles at the slightest movement. It's you. It's your fault. It’s always been your fault, the entire situation. You can't control that enormous, greedy appetite and it’s making you huge. It’s made you noticeably, permanently fat.
And yes, I do mean permanently. You’ll be this fat forever. You know you will. You’ve grown far too fat and lazy to ever work off any of that lard. Can you imagine yourself trying to squeeze into some tiny spandex workout clothes and waddling your way into a gym? Can you imagine the giggles and stares, the whispers you’d get when your belly immediately wobbled free as your shirt rode up and exposed all those stretch marks lining the sides of your gut? How quickly you’d be panting and gasping for breath, how you wouldn't be able to get through 5 minutes without giving up and waddling out red-faced and ashamed. Probably making sure to order takeout on your phone while you do. Your partner may like this, they may encourage it, but it's your fault. You're the one who turned yourself into this, you're the reason you’ll never be skinny or healthy again.
Just because you order broccoli with your Chinese food doesn't make it healthy, piggy. I think deep down you have to know that. Deep down you have to know that consuming thousands of calories in a single meal has conditioned your brain to crave more and more, you have to know that the way you eat is just gonna keep making you fatter. All that denial is only speeding the process along. You don’t think you need to cut back, you don't think you need to diet or exercise because things aren't that bad yet, meanwhile everyone you know looks at you as a cautionary tale. You make other people more committed to their own healthy lifestyles because they’re terrified to turn out like you, they’re terrified to become the kind of delusional pig that gorges themselves until they burst out of their fat pants.
It's amazing what you’ve convinced yourself of, honestly it is. The fact that you can look in the mirror and think that a couple sit-ups will take care of all that? You couldn't do a single sit-up if you tried. That poor beachball of fat attached to your middle would be quaking with effort within seconds, and then you’d have to give up. And the whole thing would just make you hungry. Like everything does.
You know Fatty, hungry isn't really the right word to describe the sensation you experience, have you thought about that? Someone stuffing their face as constantly as you do can’t get hungry, hunger is a word people use when their stomach is empty. When they actually need calories for energy. You have the calories to spare. What you experience isn’t hunger. It's instability. You’re a greedy, overfilled whale that's addicted to the feeling of fullness, insatiable and completely helpless to stop yourself.
There’s nothing you can do at this point. You can't change, you can't get back in shape. All you can do is accept it. All you can do is keep force-feeding yourself further and further past your capacity until you’re beached on your couch and unable to move, just like you do every night. In fact Fatty, you might as well lean into your denial. You might as well keep telling yourself that it's not that bad. That your calorie-laden meals aren't that unhealthy, that no one notices how big you're getting, and most of all, that you could work all that off if you wanted to.
Everyone around you knows you’re lying to yourself. Deep down, you know you're lying to yourself too, but that doesn't matter. All that really matters to you is keeping your greedy, chubby little cheeks packed with food. And you're just going to keep growing, and growing, and growing until you make a spectacle of yourself everywhere you go. Till you need to call ahead to restaurants and make sure the chairs don’t have arms, till you're struggling to squeeze yourself out of the booth after gorging far beyond your capacity. Till you finally outgrow all those poor, straining clothes and just let your gut hang out for all to see because you’re too deep in denial to buy the bigger sizes we both know you already need. Till your weight becomes the topic of discussion in every room you waddle into.
So go ahead and ignore this little call-out, just like you ignore every other sign of what a pig you’ve become. I changed my mind. It's not that bad. So why don’t you go order some more food? You know you need it.
Link to audio version: https://youtu.be/56onvSPiSSQ?si=p698FmrUzNhun15m
*I hope you enjoyed this commissioned POV! I also created a totally free audio version if anyone wants to check it out:) Thanks for reading/listening!*
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