Wait, Gain?

Chapter 1 I dream of. . .

Tracy was a woman of obsessions in many ways. She only had two, but they were rather dramatic in how they affected her life. She was obsessed with any sort of food that she laid her, emerald green, eyes on, and in a contradictory way too. Tracy was enamored with the idea of eating freely, she didn’t want to be fat per se, but she wasn’t stupid. Tracy knew that giving in to her constant desire to eat would very neatly land her there. In fact, her weight steadily rose over time, despite her best efforts to prevent exactly that. The woman was at least happy with her proportions. When Tracy started to gain weight, it seemed to, almost exclusively, go to the traditionally attractive places, causing her breasts to swell to a degree that the guys would drool over. At least, the Ds held their attention until the rest of Tracy’s body caught up to them, at which point the praise and adulation stopped rather abruptly for her. Tracy was just under a hundred and seventy pounds when her odd adventure began. The number was above the average for a woman her age, but it didn’t exactly shock people, until they discovered that Tracy was only three inches above being five feet tall. So, at her height it was certainly significant. Especially when you keep in mind that she hardly weighed over a hundred when she graduated from high school, only eight years ago. Despite Tracy’s constant diets, the number on her scale never did stop rising for long.

Tracy’s other obsession was a fairly common one at a much younger age, but was usually abandoned by adulthood. She absolutely loved the idea of magic, and not the crystal healing and horoscopes kind of magic, the “I can rewrite the laws of reality on a whim,” sorcerous type of magic. It consumed Tracy’s mind. She was not content to play around, weaving braids and into her red hair, or reading tarot cards. No, Tracy wanted power. But, thus far that desire only made the woman burn through her meager income to obtain various occult goods over the years. Nothing she did had any noticeable results though. Not until she purchased a lamp purporting to contain an actual genie anyway.

Tracy had adopted a personal policy of never simply dismissing any claim of supernatural power without seriously looking at it first, no matter how absurd the claim was. So, when she saw an add online for the sale of, “A, for real genie lamp, like from Aladdin. Only used once or twice.” Tracy groaned and rolled her eyes, but she arranged to see the lamp in person, before saying that it was probably a hoax and dismissing it entirely.

So, the very next day, Tracy pulled up to a house she did not recognize. Tracy silently thanked her GPS and began to walk across a front yard of cracked, white, concrete and weeds, surrounded by a chain link fence. Tracy was starting to have doubts about doing this at all, when a man who looked like the living embodiment of the hick stereotype, with a sleeveless, white tank top and blue jeans, stepped out of the front door. The man said “Is you here for the lamp?” and Tracy cringed internally, and bit back the urge to correct him. As she did this, the man walked up to her, holding out a brassy looking oil lamp that made her say “It really does look like the one in Aladdin.” With a smirk, the man nodded and said “Yep. Like I said, Aladin-y.” Tracy thought back to the add, saying “So, you never said how much you wanted for it online.” The man suddenly adopted a dark, serious expression that honestly surprised his potential buyer. He said “That’s because it’s free.” Tracy tilted her head as she stared at the lamp and said a single word, “Why?” the man signed and said “That’s how I know it’s real. I wished for a million dollars, and was hit by a truck the same day. I was paralyzed from the neck down, then I thought of the lamp when I got an offer for exactly one million bucks to agree not to sue. Of course I took the deal.” Tracy looked the man up and down, before saying “You don’t look paralyzed to me.” The man said “Yup. That’s cause I used my second wish to make it so that I’d never made the first one. That’s why I said it was used once or twice. Cause the second wish made the first not happen. So, I dunno if it’s got one use left in it or two. But I’ll give it away for free. Just look out, you can’t undo a mistake if its only got one wish left.” Tracy thought to herself, if this was legit it was like the story of the monkey’s paw. Besides, it was probably fake anyway. Then again, it’s free, and so Tracy decided to take the lamp, saying “Got it, maybe one wish, maybe two, be super cautious with what I wish for.” The man said “Uh huh,” holding the lamp up and shouting, “Now, catch!” He then tossed the lamp to Tracy, before saying, “It’s your problem now. Bye!” as he ran to his front door, jumping in and slamming it shut behind him like he was trying to escape a bomb that was about to go off. Tracy fumbled with the lamp for a moment and said “Wait a second. Aladdin was based on a myth with a specific genie, it’s not like they all love in lamps like magical hermit crabs.” Tracy then shrugged and said “Eh, it’s probably fake anyway.” As she walked toward her car

When she got home Tracy tossed the lamp onto her bed and went to take a shower. As Tracy showered she spoke to herself out loud, “Well, that was a bust.” Then she said “Oh right, I shouldn’t give up on the lamp before I’m sure.” So, when Tracy got out of the shower, she walked up to her bed, where the lamp lay, and said “Whatever, it’s probably fake anyway.” She rubbed the lamp, because that guy did say “Just like Aladdin,” after all.

Much to Tracy’s surprise, a loud sound like a thunderclap emanated from the lamp, making the redhead give a startled little jump. A cloud of purple gas filled the room over Tracy’s bed. Then the smoke began to coalesce into a humanoid shape. As it did Tracy heard a, fittingly smoky, woman’s voice say “Thank God. The idiot really did get rid-“ before a woman’s face solidified out of the smoke, looking down at Tracy, who just noticed that she had dropped her towel in surprise. The smoke vanished into nothing, revealing an exotic-looking woman with pointed ears. The genie suddenly stopped speaking as she noticed the nude woman beneath her. The Genie then blushed and began to frantically fan her face with one hand until she got over her shock enough to look away. She then trained her eyes on the ceiling. The genie said “You know, I only show myself to women to avoid just this sort of thing,” angrily. Tracy felt like she may die of embarrassment as well as shock. Once she’d pulled herself together, Tracy snatched up her towel and covered herself, saying “Oh my God, I am so sorry.” Wrapping the towel around herself tightly as she said, “I thought the guy who gave me the lamp was lying, or stupid, and just absentmindedly rubbed the it. Even in his story, the guy never mentioned anybody showing up. So, I never thought my appearance mattered.” The Genie looked down to see a, now decent, Tracy smiling guiltily, the spirit said “It’s alright. Now, I will grant you wish if you so desire.” Tracy tilted her head and said “Two wishes?” the genie shrugged and said “It was three, but the lamp’s old owner used two. But the second wish was to make it so the first never happened. So, it’s debatable. Let’s say it’s just one wish, left. Now, strictly speaking it’s kind of a grey area whether I should count what happened as one wish or two. So, since I’m the one handing out magical favors here, I’ll just give you one wish. What would you like? Just don’t ask for money. I am beyond sick of idiots being predictable. So, how’s this, make a wish I haven’t heard before, and I’ll make it go well for you. You have my word.” Tracy nodded and said “Okay, give me a few minutes to think then.” The Genie nodded and smiled broadly as she said “Good! Too many people move far too quickly, and in doing so, act foolishly.”

Tracy spent a considerable time, weighing her options. The genie gave her word that, if nobody had made the same wish before, it would go well for Tracy. Are Genies actually bound to their word? Tracy chose not to ask, lest she anger the spirit unintentionally. Then she thought back to the lamp’s old owner. He had wished for a million dollars, and was summarily paralyzed. So, money was definitely out, as was power, Tracy didn’t know of anyone who had asked for that, but she was pretty sure that somebody had, at some point. After what felt like hours of thinking, the genie started to move an index finger back and forth, while imitating the ticking sound of a clock. Tracy said “Screw it, a wish that nobody has ever made before, it’s not like I have a comprehensive list, so I’ll just ask for something weird. I’ve always wanted to be able to eat freely, so my request is this, I wish that there would be no negative consequences for my eating whatsoever. Aaww, fuck, I bet someone has asked for that before. So I’ll be weird. I wish for no harmful, medical or social, consequences for overeating.” Then she smiled and held up a finger, practically shouting ‘Ah-ha!” as she excitedly added “Except for people making fun of me! There. I can handle that, and I’d wager quite a lot that nobody’s ever made that exact wish. So, from now on I shall suffer no medical or social harm caused by overeating, except that people may still mock me freely. So, no heart attacks or being forever alone because people think I’m hideous. Even if I gained a billion pounds Hah! That’s my wish!” The genie put her hands on her hips and said “Well, nobody’s ever asked me for that before. But, just so you know, I was thinking of something less precise than you were, more conceptual. For example, penalization could accompany any request for money, it would not have to be exactly one million dollars, so you wouldn’t have been able to avoid consequences by asking for a hundred and seventeen million dollars and eighty seven and a half cents, exactly, just because nobody else has ever request that exact amount. Remember, this is a self-imposed restriction on my part. But, you were authentically giving it your best effort, besides, your little mental gymnastics there were quite entertaining. So, granted, as requested.” And she snapped, before chuckling and saying, “Your eating habits shall incur no negative, medical or social consequences for you, except that people may still mock you.” She laughed again and said, “Man, I wish more people were creative like you. Any questions?” Tracy thought for a moment, before asking, “Is there any particular advice that I ought to follow, or hints you would like to give me?” The genie laughed again and said “Find a way to use this to you’re advantage. It would be a shame to let such a,” and she paused for a moment, then smiled, finishing, “such a unique advantage go to waste.” The genie then gave a satisfied nod and said “Now, go forth and like your life! I’ll be watching you with interest,” then she waved and smirked, saying “toodleoo” and vanishing in a cloud of smoke just like the one she’d appeared from. Tracy muttered, “Did she meant ‘live my life?’ whatever. I’d like to like it too anyway.” Before chuckling and shaking her head.

Tracy sat on the edge of her bed, still wearing nothing but a towel. She spoke to herself, saying “Use this to my advantage. What advantages could this give? Well, other than being able to eat freely of course. That one is self explanatory.” Tracy then shrugged and got up to get dressed, saying, “Well, I’ll have to think about it while I eat. I could definitely go for a burger,” she then giggled and added, “or ten.” As she dressed Tracy said “Wait, no medical or social harm from overeating. Does that mean I could go to an eating competition and not be hurt for eating a ton of food? Like, not even a literal ton, as in two thousand pounds. Maybe this really did have advantages, I just have to be clever.” She looked at the lamp, still sitting on her bed. When nothing happened she shrugged and said “Well, she said she’d be watching me, not giving advice.” Before placing the lamp on her nightstand.

So, Tracy decided that she needed to do some testing to feel out what was going on exactly. She drove down the street to the local burger joint, Steve’s Burgers. It was a hole in the wall type place, that always made Tracy feel vaguely like she might get food poisoning. But, in an odd way that was a good thing. Tracy’s reason was simple. She had wished to be unaffected by the medical consequences of eating, so, she reasoned that this would include invulnerability to food poisoning. If she was wrong about that, then Tracy wanted to know. As always with Steve’s, the food was good, relatively cheap for its quality, and served in humongous portions. So, it played perfectly into Tracy’s other plan to test whether she could eat absurd amounts of food now, or not.

Shortly after arriving Tracy sat down at a table in Steve’s, with four cheeseburgers. She got funny looks from a few people there, and even overheard a teenage boy offhandedly call her a fata**. It felt oddly funny to Tracy, who remembered that she had explicitly allowed people to make fun of her for how much she ate. But they could do nothing else of any concern to her at all. So, she had a thought. The boy could make fun of her, but nothing else. There could be no other consequences for her eating. So, despite already having a tremendous amount of food, Tracy had an idea. Could she be punished for stealing food to eat? After all, wouldn’t that be a social harm from eating? This was the perfect time to test it.

So, Tracy stood up, leaving her own food at her table as she walked toward the kid who had insulted her. Tracy thought to herself, am I really going to rob some random kid as a test? As revenge? Nah. Then shook her head and walked off. There were better ways to do this. So, instead she approached the counter, where a worker set out a meal on a tray, and shouted “Number thirteen, order up!” loudly. Tracy stared the worker in the face. It was a tall, thin guy with brown hair. This man had just served Tracy, he damn well knew that order thirteen wasn’t hers. So, Tracy maintained eye contact with him, while she grabbed the tray, and began eating French fries off of it, in full view of the restaurant goers and staff.

As Tracy ate she mentally decided to buy a new meal for whoever’s food she was eating. But, before she could even think more than that, an older gentleman approached her, saying “Hey! That’s my food you th-“ and suddenly fell silent mid word, as if somebody had grabbed him by the throat. After this he stood there silently for a moment, simply staring ashre opened and closed his mouth like a suffocating fish. The man asked, “Why can’t I. . .” Tracy smiled at him and asked, “What? Call the police, yell at me? Hit me?” the man visibly twitched for a moment. Then he simply said “You thieving witch, what did you do to me?” Tracy briefly contemplated why he could even say that. Then she shrugged, thinking that it might not be EXACTLY making fun of her, but it was close enough. Or maybe its that he’s upset because he suspects black magic, and both for ger eating per se. Besides, the genie had explicitly said that her take on things was more conceptual, and less detail oriented. So, Tracy said “Sorry about the fries,” and fished a twenty out of her purse, saying, “Here, this should cover it, and some extra for any offense I may have caused.” Then an idea hit Tracy and she took another twenty out of her purse, saying “Hey. There’s another twenty in it for you if you answer some questions for me.” Then she held up a bill and asked, “So, what did you try to do to me there exactly?” the man snatched the twenty out if her hand and saying “I wanted to shove you and take my tray back. What the hell was going on anyway?” Tracy grinned and held up her hands, twiddling her fingers back and forth as she, half jokingly, said “Magic,” before trotting off to her table with a silly grin on her face. This was easily the most expensive trip to a burger joint that Tracy had ever had. But, it was easily the one that gave her the most cause to smile.

Tracy half expected the bewildered man to follow her back to her table. But he was nowhere to be seen when Tracy sat down and unwrapped her first burger. She’d been afraid that it would be cold by now, but it wasn’t, the food was the perfect temperature, like nothing had happened at all. Tracy asked herself, “Wait, was that because my food getting cold was a consequence of me eating?” then she shook her head and said “Nah. That isn’t medical or social.” She shrugged and took a big bite of her first burger.

Twenty minutes later, and Tracy felt elated. She wasn’t in pain, she wasn’t burping, she didn’t feel like she was going to throw up if she ate any more, all things that would have normally happened if she even finished one burger here, forget two or three. But no, it felt like the only thing that happened was that she wasn’t hungry anymore. After she felt full, Tracy felt nothing negative at all. Only the texture, the taste, and the feelings of eating. She looked down at the three empty wrappers on the table and joyfully exclaimed “A girl could get used to this!”

Tracy had no idea just how right she was.