Chapter 1 - The early years

My big brother Jimmy is 11 years older than me. We were born and raised in southern California. When I was 2 years old, our real father was killed in a traffic accident. Jimmy was 13 at that time, and for the next five years he was really like a dad to me. He was involved in athletics in high school, played football, wrestled, and played baseball, and also had a part-time job, but he always found time to play catch with me in the backyard, take me swimming, and let me "wrestle" with him. My mother took me to watch every game he took part in, and he was my hero. All my friends envied me because I had such a cool big brother.


When I was 6 and Jimmy was 17, my mom remarried. Her new husband was a fitness trainer who insisted that Jimmy and I call him "Beau". He was real "southern California"---had a great year-round tan, was a nutrition fanatic, and always bragged about which rich and famous people he had trained. Even though I was still a little kid, I could tell that he and Jimmy just didn't get along. There was never any fighting or yelling, but I could just sense it. A year later, when Jimmy graduated from high school, he headed east to the Philadelphia area,where our real dad had family. I was real sad when Jimmy left, but he promised he'd keep in touch with me.

For the next 11 years, I didn't see Jimmy in person. He wrote me a couple of times a month, called me often, and sent me cards and money, too, on holidays, my birthday, and sometimes just for the heck of it, I guess. He wrote my mom, too, and always sent her pictures. Over the years, we received pictures of Jimmy as he started working as a construction worker, then got married (my mom flew east for his wedding), had kids, and started his own contracting company. So, I knew that Jimmy had a wife, who my mom said was "a very nice girl", and over the years had three kids, two girls and a boy.

Whenever a card or letter came from Jimmy and his wife Emily, my mom would eagerly read the letter and look at the pictures, then show them to me. She also showed them to Beau. It always seemed to me that Beau never had anything good to say about Jimmy and his family. I couldn't figure out exactly what Beau didn't like about Jimmy, because my mom always changed the subject when Beau started his sarcastic comments. I remember hearing Beau say things like "Oh, heard from the blimp again?" when my mom got a letter. She'd shoot him a dirty look, and then change the subject.