chapter 1 • emma

One week left before I get to have my own freedom and leave this town. I’ll get to make friends and figure out who I really am. My name is Emma, and I am ready to start my new journey.

I am skinny. I used to be a normal weight, but I was always teased about how soft I was by my friends and family. I ended up eating less and loosing weight. Now I am considered slightly underweight. You can see my collar bones, and each time someone hugs me they comment how bony I am. Makes me feel better than being told how soft and cushiony I feel.

I am looking forward to living in my dorm with the girl I was paired with. She seems super nice and friendly. I hope we can be friends and we don’t turn into those roommates who don’t talk to each other ever and just sleep in the same room. Even worse would be becoming roommates who end up switching rooms midway through the semester.

~ One week later ~

It’s finally d-day. The car is loaded with all my clothes, decorations, and everything else I need for move in. Only a three hour drive and I’ll be in a different town ready to meet new people and see what college is all about. Sadly my parents aren’t able to drop me off but they wave at me goodbye as I drive off.

It’s 7:00am at the moment. Only 2 more hours until I check in and move in to my dorm. I’m starving since I haven’t eaten anything since I woke up this morning. I decide to stop at a gas station to fill up on gas and get some breakfast. Good thing there’s a McDonalds right next to it. I fill up gas first and then go through the drive through to order food. Usually I would just get a breakfast sandwich and water, but today I get the breakfast sandwich, two hash browns, two pancakes, and two orange juices. The pancakes are in case I want a little snack for the rest of the drive as well as the second orange juice.

Once I get my food, I park at the back of the McDonalds facing the grass. Time to eat my food. I begin with eating one of my hash browns which I love and soon enough I eat my second one. I open one of my orange juice and take a couple of sips from it. I chose orange juice because it’s a little treat since I’m starting a new chapter in life. I then begin to eat my breakfast sandwich. While I eat my breakfast I am watching one of my favorite shows on my phone. Thank you unlimited data! As my show comes to an end, I have finished all of the food I ordered and I only have my second orange juice left.

When I realized what has happened, I become aware of the small bulging belly formed under my t-shirt. My shorts have gotten a little tight for me that I undo my belt and unbutton them. My belly soon pushes out making the supper zip down. My t-shirt clings to the new found roundness of my belly. I then place my hands on it and feel ashamed of myself. I haven’t been so full for the past 4 years of my life, and now my belly is poking out and I need to meet people in 2 hours. Hopefully, it goes down by the time I get to the dorm.

A couple minutes before I get to the dorm I try to button my shorts, which is a success, but the are a little snug. It seems I don’t need my belt anymore, but I need it to complete my outfit. I struggle to buckle it on the usual spot but once I do, I feel very uncomfortable. I guess I’ll have to suck in a little bit while I check in move in my stuff. Once I’ve unpacked everything, I feel like I’ll be back to normal.

~ Move in time ~

I arrive in front of my dorm and upperclassmen begin to help me unload my car and move in the stuff to my dorm. I go to the table and tell them my name. They give me my ID and a welcome bag filled with coupons to nearby restaurants, the bookstore, and information of events happening this weekend.

By the time my car is unloaded I park it and the parking lot and walk to my dorm. My roommate will be arriving in a couple of hours which means I have enough time to unpack and decorate my side of the room. That also means I don’t have to suck in my stomach, so I loosen the belt enough for my stomach to not feel suffocated and I begin to unpack.

While I am finishing decorating my side of the room people begin to bring boxes in. A couple minutes later my roommate comes in.

“Emma, right? I’m Julie! I’m so happy I finally get to put a face to your name.” She introduces herself with a bright smile.

“Yes! Same here. Do you need any help unpacking? I’m pretty much done.” I tell her smiling.

“Yes that would be great! Thank you!”

We begin to unpack her stuff and set up her bed. By the time we finish, we decide to go take a walk around campus. I took a tour of campus over the summer but I still need some more time to get used to it and know where things are.

During our walk, we see pretty much everything before we decide to head back to our dorm to meet the other girls on our floor as well as our RA.

This whole time, I had forgotten about how my stomach was sticking out a little bit. Maybe college will help me become comfortable in my own body and not be afraid of change.