Chapter 1

I love thinking and talking about my gain, and have been inspired by others, so want to share some of my story here. Back in high school my friends and I worked out all the time. They would talk about how bad it was to eat fast food, and say mean things about some of the bigger girls in school. Looking back I felt a lot of pressure from them and my family to be a certain way. In 2019 I moved to California to go to school. Not much changed freshman year, I joined the college gym, sometimes played sports, and tried to eat healthy. I gained a little weight, but not so much that anyone would notice and I was fit enough to run 5K without effort. Though, I was getting more comfortable with who I was away from the influences of my family and old friends.

After freshman year, I was home for the summer and back to the old routine of working out with my high school friends. I felt I was being judged by my mom about my diet, so I didn’t gain any weight that summer. I couldn’t wait to get back to school for sophomore year. I was very busy, had less time to go run, and became more relaxed about what I ate. I began to enjoy food for the first time in my life and often treated myself with dessert. By the end of the first quarter my body was changing and some of my pants were getting uncomfortable. I had been about a size 4 until then. The top of my thighs became soft and my belly made a small roll when I sat. I started to have feelings and learnt online that I was not alone. I joined Feabie to try and figure things out, and started to fantasize about getting bigger.

It was just a fantasy though, and I didn’t try to gain that year, but by the start of summer I was over 150 lbs. My belly was now hard to hide, and I had to wear different shorts to stop my thighs rubbing when I ran. I went home again, and it was awful. My mom made comments about my weight and got me a gym pass cause she thought I was trying to get back in shape. Almost to spite her, I’d go, but often get a large milkshake to drink while I exercised. I’d hide it in my water bottle, and I’d get a big take out breakfast to eat in the car on the way home. Soon, I just skipped gym altogether. I didn’t lose any weight that summer, lol, and decided that I wanted to try gaining on purpose when I got back to school. It was easy to say out loud to myself, but emotionally I was conflicted. I decided to let go of my fears and try gaining only 10 lbs, just to see how it felt.