Chapter 4

Having my own place is so so great. I’ve got it all organized and it’s super cozy. I even installed some shelves myself. Kinda proud of that cause I’m not very handy. I’ve been working a lot at the restaurant, but am starting grad school in less than 2 weeks. So excited and nervous. I wasn’t sure I’d gain at all with everything being so nutso, but I’ve been learning to cook, eating lots of treats and snacks, and most mornings I’ve been able to sleep in, before school gets crazy again. My lower roll maybe feels softer, but my upper roll is definitely becoming its own thing. I’m excited to see how that’s gonna look in another few months. I’ve been reflecting on how much my body has changed and how it might in the future 🥵🥵 Body changes: Losing my thigh gap, Love handles, Cellulite on the back of my thighs, Back fat rolls that hang over bra straps, Double belly, Belly hanging over waistband, Stretchmarks on thighs, Butt covered in cellulite, Belly resting on thighs when I sit, Stretchmarks on belly, New body shape, Cellulite on the front of my thighs, Belly and thighs jiggle, Chubby arms, Soft fupa, Chubby cheeks, Double chin. Future or fantasy?: More of everything from before, Belly covering my underwear when standing, Bingo wings, Fat roll at the front of my knees , Belly touching my thighs when standing, Chubby hands and feet, Butt shelf, Thighs touching to the knees, Fat roll at the back of my knees, Everything jiggles, Elbow rolls.

I don’t feel any different, but 2 weeks into grad school and I’ve lost weight. I guess I’ve been rushing about a lot and don’t have a meal plan anymore. I’m kinda bummed, but still love how I look and feel. I’m not usually this active and my body is definitely telling me every day how out of shape I am now. Things are settling down tho and I have lots of reading and desk work the next while. I’m going to have an extra treat every day and ice cream before bed. I wonder how my body will change with the extra calories. rn loving how fat my upper arms have gotten.

I wasn’t sure how moving off-campus (no more meal plan) and grad school would affect my weight. I was kinda bummed to have lost weight at the end of the summer, as it takes a lot of effort to gain. Not as much as working out tho and much more fun, lol. I tried to get a milkshake every night from a different place in town and that was amaze, but it’s hard to keep up and is too expensive on a student budget. I could sell content I guess, but I really wanna own my gain. That’s just me. I’ve been learning to bake. It’s not something I learnt when I was back home cause my mom rarely baked. I’m getting better at it and although my cakes are sometimes a bit heavy, they still taste good. I only have to go to the lab a few times a week, so I’m mostly studying at home. So yeah, now things have settled I’ve regained the weight I lost, kinda quicker than I expected. I think my upper roll looks like a thick pancake. It’s so soft and jiggly. I think grad school is gonna be fattening afterall. I kinda wondering if being an ssbbw is in my future.