Chapter 3

It’s still a few weeks before graduation and I've more than doubled my freshman weight. I love how my body has changed and how I feel. I'm looking forward to grad, but I can’t wait to take a break from school. It’s been so busy and exhausting. I’m planning to go on a road trip this summer, with lots of fast food stops on the way, but I’ll also have to work some at the restaurant. At least I have a scholarship for grad school, starting in the fall. I’m so excited to finally have my own apartment and a proper kitchen. I’m looking forward to learning to cook more than mac n cheese and pancakes, and also to be able to eat without judgement. Exciting times.

Graduation was kinda weird. It wasn’t a sit down event. They called it “Slug Crossing” with a line of students waiting to walk across a stage to get their diplomas. Though mine might have been part waddle, lol. I weighed myself for the first time in weeks. I was kinda disappointed cause I was sure I’d be over 250. I definitely feel bigger and I know my belly is softer. I guess sometimes I *am* about numbers, lol. I was really nervous about seeing my family for the first time in over a year. Like I’ve been stressing about it for weeks, but my mom didn’t say anything about my weight. I kept waiting for a comment, but it never happened. They just seemed really happy about me graduating and we had a lovely time together. And there was cake. I’m now staying at my friends place for a few days before I head out on the road.

I’m having an amazing summer road tripping to some National Parks. I was in Yosemite, which was just stunningly beautiful. You should go. I didn’t do any hiking, but the scenery you can see from the road is still amazing. Old me would have hiked half dome. New me sat at the viewpoint in my car drinking coffee and eating donuts. I am now staying with a friend before driving to Yellowstone. I’ve felt more relaxed about my gains since my family didn’t make comments about my weight at graduation. On the road I’d been indulging on fries and milkshakes, pizza and pancakes, and I could definitely feel that I had gained. I think more weight is going to my belly rn. I am able to weigh myself at my friend’s place and I’ve been around 250 for a few days, so I’ve definitely grown.

A British friend told me about their odd weight scale. I’m about 18 stone. I don’t know if that sounds like a lot, but it's starting to feel like a lot. Walking around the boardwalks in the heat was a struggle, but Yellowstone was amazing. The prismatic spring was so beautiful and the landscape was amazing. I also found a place to swim outside of the park and built up the courage to wear my tankini. It felt so good to feel the water around my body. Sadly later that day I rolled my ankle. I guess this is what happens when you don't strength train and gain a lot of weight. I rested on my hotel bed for a day and comfort ate my way through a bag of snacks and treats. The long drive home was hard on my ankle, but I stopped at a lot of rest stops along the way. My belly is definitely showing it. My lower roll has gotten visibly bigger and I can tell that my upper roll is softer. I'm back in Santa Cruz now, and have to work before starting grad school in the fall. I moved into my new apartment. So great to have my own space and kitchen. Starting to feel like home :) Once I get settled, I might take some new pics.