Chapter 1 - 05.21.2020

Dear Diary,

So. Today has been a very long and stressful day. I'm working on my "media presence" because apparently, I suck at it.
I am trying my best to keep my head up and stay as positive as I possibly can, and continue to think that I am indeed "good enough".
As clips are not selling, people aren't subscribing or reacting to my photos, or commenting etc, I feel like I need to learn patience.

Alot of people dislike/don't understand what my ultimate goal of immobility IS.. and why I wan't this so badly.
It's not only hard for me to deal with, but even harder to get people to accept that this isn't what I want, It's what I NEED.
I never understood for the longest time why I wanted to become the fattest woman alive, and of course, I don't expect everyone to understand...
But now, I've come to terms that while maybe I don't understand it myself, I will continue to do what drives me in life.

I'm not going to put on a show for people who enjoy the fetish of immobility. This is REAL for me..
With that said, people don't get that, to ME my health is very important. And while I would LOVE to be able to eat 20k in calories a day..
I don't want to die... not yet at least.. not at 24 years old.

I will become immobile and the fattest woman alive, but it will just simply take time.
All I know is that I'm not going to stop until I die.. but I'm not going to push that extreme all in one go, to get people off.
If eating 20k calories everyday and having a heart attack and dying at the age of 24 is what people want, fuck em, right?
I need to do what I WANT TO DO, and I need to gain at my own pace.

IF I could blow up like Violet, I would, but there is no such thing as "magic gum" and this is not a fucking movie, it's real life.
With that being said, I will continue to do what I'm doing, and do it at my OWN pace, and continue to gain to immobility no matter HOW LONG it takes.

I LOVE making clips for people. I have a MAJOR fetish for turning people on. And I love making clips and taking pics and feeling GOOD about myself..
I'm not just doing this for the FOOD MONEY, although yes, the extra income helps IMMENSELY with my food costs.. since I eat ALOT.
I do it because I like to please other people, make people happy, and have fans and friends, because in the real world, I don't have anything except my mom.

Anyways, it's getting late, I'm SURE I will have more to talk about tomorrow night...

Love,
Cytorah 🌹