chapter 1

She was never going to have anyone interested in her again...Not sexually. She just knew it. After gaining 30 lbs and finding herself at the highest weight she had ever been, all she could think about was what she was going to eat next. It seemed every carbohydrate within a 5 mile radius screamed out her name. Her ex didn't exactly help the situation by making fun of how she had been diligently avoiding carbs or offering her milkshakes but she couldn't blame him. She had an insatiable appetite. For several years she had kept it at bay and made "proper" dietary choices and exercised quite a bit. Around two years ago she began letting her regimine slip. At first it was just eating parts of the bun on the triple bacon cheeseburger she had always ordered. Being low-carb, as long as she avoided carbs she was good. But then she had slowly begun eating more and more of the things she used to adamantly avoid. Lately though she was ordering a milkshake or decadent dessert to go with it all.

Finally giving up at her poor attempt to squeeze into the size dress pants she thought she wore, she flopped down on the bed. What could she possibly wear? This last relationship left her reevaluating the confidence she had seemed to gain. Now she was just fat and alone. Day after day she found herself eating more of the unhealthy foods she once avoided at all costs and the worst on her swelling figure was constant snacking and she no longer cared about avoiding carbohydrates. Why? They were becoming her new best friend!

"There is nothing I will be able to wear." She groaned to herself as she began to panic. Her interview was in an hour and she knew she really needed this job. After not working in almost a year, she knew this could make or break her. Gaining weight, she had been reluctant to approach former employers but with finances what they were she was forced to make calls she wouldn't normally make.

Pulling herself up, she finally decided on just pouring herself into the biggest pants in her closet and praying the largest blouse she had would cover how incredibly tight the pants were. The pants weren't just tight around her expanding waistline, but the way she had gained so much and so fast, she found herself with a limited wardrobe and gigantic appetite. Looking in the mirror, she could see literally every new pound and inch and there were plenty of both! After barely being able to fasten them, she was distraught thinking it was insane that all she could still think about was what she would eat before she left. "My goodness, how big am I going to get?", she wondered almost in a frenzy. In an attempt to justify her situation she told herself, "I'm just hungry. If I don't eat something before I leave, I'll do more damage."

Racing downstairs, she couldn't get to the kitchen fast enough. Even though she had planned (and even prepared) a healthy breakfast for this morning, when she finished it still wanting more she ate every leftover in the fridge. The macaroni and cheese had her literally moaning with pleasure and the mashed potatoes couldn't go without gravy! "Mmmm! Oh my God.", she said as she licked the evidence off of her lips. Finally as she finished off the last piece of apple pie, she burped looking at the clock. "Oh my God!" I've got to hurry! Feeling more than a bit guilty, she told herself she wouldn't have done it if she weren't so nervous and it wouldn't happen again. She had to lose some of this weight.

Feeling her pants cutting into her waist more than ever before, she knew she had just eaten entirely too much. Somehow she was still surprised when the button literally popped off of her pants as she bent to put the dishes away. Rushing to get to her interview, she tried to use a safety pin but quickly found that would barely close much less hold together with something so weak. She could barely pull them closed with her hands! Knowing this bulging gut had no chance of being hidden, she was seriously beginning to freak out but feeling her added weight and how tight her clothes felt was actually somewhat arousing. She felt so full but knew she could eat more and would have had she had anything left already made.

Feeling already full and sluggish, wearing clothing obviously too small was not the image she wanted to portray but she knew she had to put on her game face and power through. She needed this and somehow she needed to focus on the interview and not how and what she could possibly fill herself with. Honestly, she thought to herself, I have to quit thinking about eating constantly. I have to quit binging, she thought as she caught herself rubbing her rapidly growing gut again. Why she had started that she couldn't figure out but it seemed the more she was gaining, she found herself doing it more often. She had even tried on clothes that she had worn at her lowest weight, knowing they wouldn't come close to being presentable but was getting turned on while trying on every pair of slacks, every dress shirt and all of the dresses she used to wear either so tight it really was obscene or unable to fasten at all.

It started when she had gained the first 10 pounds. She had always loved to eat and had controlled it for years. But after a few late night binges, she found her weight creeping up. Not only was she finding herself unable to stop but it was picking up! When she decided to quit letting herself be bothered by what others may think, the weight started to pile on, and rather quickly.

At the weight she had been, it wouldn't have taken more than 5-10 pounds to show a very significant difference. As she passed 200 lbs, she realized each pound wasn't as obvious but she knew if she didn't stop stuffing, she would cross the line of no return. She was getting entirely too comfortable with regular stuffings and quite frankly, her budget couldn't afford either her food or wardrobe bill at this rate.