Chapter 1 - road to 200

the story

well let’s start by giving you guys some background information. my whole life i’ve been thin/medium. i’ve always been really into dancing, which required a certain amount of strength and stamina. because it required so much balance, we had to work our abs, so at one point i had a flat, toned stomach.

one day however, i fractured my knee and was out injured for some time. when i tried going back to dancing, it just wasn’t working. i was struggling more than before and i just wasn’t having as much fun, so i quit. i quit dancing and i didn’t really do any other sports afterwards.

because of this lack of exercise, i lost a lot of muscle mass and i definitely packed on a few pounds. that’s when the pandemic came.

as most people would agree, the pandemic was an extremely boring and depressing time. at this point i was about 150 pounds. i spent most of my time in my room, watching movies or tv shows and snacking. a lot. i eventually developed a binge eating disorder. i was always needlessly snacking and ordering fast food. i especially ate a lot of this very yummy, creamy ice cream. i became addicted to it. i ate a big bowl of it after every single meal.

the binge eating got so severe that i would wake up at the middle of the night and sneak up to my kitchen where i would eat just about anything in my sight. i ate chocolate bars, cookies, ice cream, bread with butter, whipped cream from the container, cheese, you name it. i enjoyed the feeling of getting extremely full, it made it easier for me to sleep at night.

i eventually noticed my clothes were getting tighter and tighter, but i didn’t give it much thought. i just assumed my clothes shrank when they were getting washed.

i spent all my time in my room, tired, lethargic and borderline depressed eating my boredom away. meanwhile my parents spent their time going on walks and doing indoor workouts.

i noticed myself getting fat when i started bumping into things more than usual. there was also the fact that most of my summer clothes didn’t fit me anymore and when i shopped for clothes, the medium sizes didn’t fit me anymore. and i had never felt so self conscious until the day i wore my swimsuit out. i noticed how jiggly my body has become and that’s when i noticed i outsized my older sister who had always been slightly curvier than me. i felt disgusting, i wanted to lose weight so bad. at this point i was around the 170s.

i tried exercising and cutting off fatty foods. after some time of doing so, i weighed myself only to realize i had gotten even heavier: i was at 180! this discouraged me a lot and resulted in me binge eating even more than before.

my family was losing weight and getting more active while i was helplessly ballooning. one day i noticed that i was as big as my mom, possibly even bigger. i just gave in and let my gluttony take control. i finished the year at 200lbs, a milestone i never thought i’d reach. my family never said anything because i think they’re scared of angering me.