Chapter 1 - New desire

(I wrote the original story in german, you can find it on my Wattpad account. I used AI for translation. Hope its not a complete mess.)

Bored, I scroll through social media on my phone. There's nothing exciting about it, just the same boring videos over and over again. At some point, a slightly different video comes along. ASMR eating. I find it somehow funny but also fascinating to watch someone eat there. Actually, it's not that special, but it still captivates me. Of course, I keep getting more and more of these videos suggested to me, and I start reading the comments. Words like "Feedee" or "feederism content" keep coming up. Words that were previously unfamiliar to me. But what is the internet for, if not to quickly find the meaning? However, now I am even more confused than before. Sure, I've seen it in some series where someone wants to make another person fat, or where someone gains a lot of weight. But I didn't think such a thing really existed. How can anyone find something like that beautiful? Why would anyone want that? Gaining weight, becoming fatter and lazier? And why do some others want to make them fatter? That's unhealthy. All questions waiting to be answered. As I ponder, I look down at myself. With my height of 155cm and 80kg, I am really not slim. On the contrary, due to my height, my belly appears much larger, rounder, and softer.... My thoughts wander. Unconsciously, I knead my little belly, thinking of all the diets I have tried, all the tortures at the gym, only to find out that a few weeks after losing weight, I have gained it all back again. My self-control was too weak, I was already too lazy. And if there is a community that accepts me and maybe even appreciates my worth, why shouldn't I become a part of it? But there's a problem, you can only register on these forums when you're 18. But that shouldn't be an obstacle, I'll just make myself a year older. My heart races as I click the login button. I behold a whole new world. Meanwhile, it was 3 o'clock, and in a few hours, I would have to get up and get ready for school. But I was so captivated that I couldn't tear myself away. I try not to lose focus, just filling out my profile, uploading a picture, of course without showing my face. In a half-asleep state, I can't think clearly and choose pictures where I look particularly fat, and one where my belly is even visible. But then I put my phone away and had to almost force myself to sleep, the curiosity about the newly created fantasy was almost too great. But it was pointless. I'll probably toss and turn in bed for another hour until I finally fall asleep.


Of course, the first thing I do the next morning is check my phone. 99+ notifications. I am simply speechless, apparently I am well received in the community, even though I just want to take a look around for now. Fortunately, I have a privacy screen protector on my phone, so I can handle the notifications during breakfast with my parents and on the bus to school. Many likes on my pictures and nice comments about how good I look. Of course, there are also a few strange ones saying that I should gain even more weight and MUST weigh at least double. Such things do disturb me a bit. Just like some messages. There are a few really nice ones, but then also some very strange, almost perverse ones. Unfortunately, I'm not overwhelmed and would actually like to take a look around the app and get my bearings first. School today is just secondary because I only have eyes for my phone. All the messages in the app keep me from getting organized, of course, I could ignore them, but I'm too good of a person for that. Eventually, I manage to figure it out, and I immediately notice how many other women here are trying to sell their content. I keep reading about "custom content," which I can't really picture. Since I'm not particularly good at English, I'll just take a chance and message a German feedee. She weighs over 180kg at the age of 18. I don't exactly know why I chose to message her, maybe it was just curiosity, maybe it was fascination, or did it have a sexual undertone? I am astonished when she replies to me. Somehow, we understand each other very well and write a lot. She explains a lot of things to me and helps me settle into the community better. Explains her reasons for gaining weight, that she is basically trapped. Caught in an addiction of laziness and binge eating. I can't deny it, I think more and more often about what it would be like to gain weight myself. To become fatter, no, to become even fatter, to let myself go, to become lazier and more immobile. With such thoughts, I notice how I get wet and can hardly hold back. Fortunately, I have my girlfriend; in such moments, we write more intensely while each of us takes care of herself, providing relief. Once, I was so in a frenzy and let myself be influenced by her that I wrote a post. Es ist Zeit zuzunehmen. "Custom content now available" I tremble as I click the button, once out of excitement for what might happen and once out of arousal at the thought of being able to live out my fantasy.