NocturnalDevotion:
What would that be? I’ve heard fetishes stem from trauma.[/quote]

My hypothesis on my own personal case, stems from the connection of two clues, the first is that I'm not only attracted to chubbier women, I'm almost repulsed by skinny ones.

The second is that as a kid my own mother gained weight when my brother was born, and it was really distressing to see her be bullied because of it almost everyday by her parents and her brothers, to the point I would cry, want to leave, etc.

It's my repulse from skinny girls that made me realise that it was a defence, and not just a simple attraction to something. I probably associated the skinnyness with violence towards my mother and as such I wanted nothing to do with it.

This is a guess, there's basically no scientific research on this, and my master thesis will be about babies so I will never find about it myself

It's probably impossibe, what we are attracted to usually just works automatically with no control from our part.
Maybe by going to a psychologist, or even better a psychoanalist (I think for sexual/attraction things psychoanalists are pretty good, aka to get to know yourself better).


But then again, I'm a psychologist myself, and although I've meditated a lot about, even I can only offer some slight hypothesis about why myself I'm here and where does it come from

What you're describing is something actually somewhat common and that I even seen in some therapy sessions before.

We can't quite choose our sexuality, what turns us on does it so automatically, usually tho, our life story can help explain the whys, sometimes genetics too, but they can't explain what we should do about it, people are left to fend for themselves.

So, somehow, you ended up as a feeder, but also, simultaneously, ended up hating the fact that you are this way. Of course that hating yourself for something that's out of your control is very hard, and is quite damaging, so the only escape is to turn that outwards to some random target.

I understand how you must feel, and it must be really painful, but the problem here is the inexplicable hatred towards your own sexuality, and not the fat people around you. By berating and attacking strangers you are not only crossing a line and insulting others, but in reality it will not fix anything because the base problem will stay there.

I would recommend you to try and talk to someone who's willing to listen and help explore and make sense of the topic with you. Like a psychologist, or some loved one that you're close with, if you want, you can DM me too.

Well I'm certainly going to take a look, you're great at stories

I actually fot them for loosing weight. I weighed around 110kg, but I am very tall. I lost some weight, almost 10kg, but then with the covid lock down I basically regained most of it back to the original weight, and that's when they appeared.

And tbh I don't like them that much

Very interesting, as someone is in the field of psychology I always wondered why there was so little actual research on the topic. Its always interesting to know how we function as humans.

Maybe too taboo? But I mean, they research way more touchy subjects

Altough I only posted one story here, I got some 5 or 6 in the works. I usually like to include some action and peril because I think it helps keep readers engaged.

One is about some astronauts that land in a planet with some fattening effect and environment. A restaurant ran by some mysterious people where people who enter the vip area don't really want to leave. Some vacations where the girl of your dreams might be leading you into a trap, but will she have the courage to really turn in tho her bosses?

So there's always some sort of high stakes, and you can't leave it too obvious if escape will be achieved or not. A good way to do it is with a partial escape either by having consequences or simply by not having all characters making it

In my personal case, it's something I have no skills in, so nkt much I can do to help. But I think the best place to look will be in the forum weight gaming, that's where all the developers are

It's actually something I even tought about doing my thesis about, because it really is an unexplored thing, I believe we all made the question to ourselves. Why do I ended up being into this?

It's certainly not common, but it seems to be something that exists naturally in many of us

It's definitely not impossible, but it is rare to find other people out there who are into this, or, if there are, they will be scared to mention it and you might even never get to find out.
I think your question is two-fold, 1. Can I find a love that fits my fetish. 2. Can I find a love while having things like ADHD.

The first one comes pretty much to luck, bumping into someone who's also into it,and that is not impossible but still hard to find.
The second one is no reason to feel discouraged, it is in fact, possible to find love. You say you may be someone who's hard to love, but altough things like ADHD can be impossible to make fully disappear, it's possible to learn how to manage it. And if the being hard to love part is about some kind of way you behave, well, you have that conscience now, and want to change it, and where there's a will there's a way and you're right on track