Chapter 4 - i'm a fat girl.

After that weekend of stuffing, I decided I didn't want to leave the house until I had new clothes. You said you would buy me some when this was over and I settled into a steady weight.

"I'm not going to stay fat! When this is over I'm going to be able to wear the jeans I have! I need something for NOW!"

I wasn't sure why you were laughing. I was really mad! Why weren't you listening?

"Ali, baby, come on. You know your tubby fat butt is never getting in those jeans again!"

I stared at you blankly for what felt like a long time. Did you really think I would stay like this forever? I was going to let you see how it looked on me. If I liked it, maybe keep it on for a little bit. But I certainly wasn't going to stay like this.

You ran your hands over my exposed gut, chunky love handles, and thick muffin top. You run your hand further down, over the little pudge on my pelvis, into my squished stuffed thighs. Even in my ridiculously confining pants, they are thick and rubbing together. You grab a handful of chub and look up at me with a serious expression-

"It would take forever to lose all this fat. And you are way to lazy to do that anyway. But I was right, you look great as a fat girl!"

Pure shock. Did you just call me a "fat girl" for real?

"Omg I'm not fat, Jake!"

You slap my gut, making it jiggle long after you touched it. You try to take me out of my jeans but it's hopeless. You're going to have to cut me out of those too. That's 3 pairs now. Finally free of my clothing, you present a scale.

Sh*t. I hadn't seen a scale since the first night. You weighed 124.3. I stand on the scale, in front of a full length mirror. For the first time my body was actually visible to me for what it was. I looked chubby.

On the scale, shaking with nerves. Oh my God. That can't be right. Nobody could gain 43 pounds in two months! You laugh and tell me I need to accept that I am never going to be a thin girl again. You tell me how I am officially medically "overweight" and only seven little pounds away from "obese."

You say we can stop at the 175 point, when I hit obesity. You say we can stop the stuffings, you love how I look now. You love that I'm a sexy fat cow.

I am still spinning from the realization that I was actually FAT. Not curvy or thick or even chubby. Medically FAT. You are right though, I will never have the ambition to lose this. At least I'm almost done gaining.

You know that you can stop stuffing me anytime, I will keep stuffing myself all day either way. You know I'm not going to stop in seven pounds. I have no willpower. You grab me by my thick hips and look me over, knowing it just the beginning.