Chapter 1 - meet fat stevie...

I was lucky growing up, I was always stick thin, and once middle school hit, I was stick thin with disproportionately large boobs. By high school I was known as the girl with the "perfect body," the girl that other girls hated and all boys wanted to hit. A little cocaine phase later, and a few years of anorexia, and I was Nicole Ritchie-circa 2006 thin. People would be concerned, and I loved it. Boyfriends would say "you're too skinny, but I still love you," and I got off on that too. When I was in corporate management, I had to have a tailor come take on my XXS Petite suits. I loved it. On my best day ever, my 5'4 frame held only 88 pounds, everything on my tight and trim, almost e

But then I got back on heroin and by nature, this makes you a little more lax about everything, including food. "Sure, I will go get donuts while you go cop our dope!" "Sure, I will eat that $1 burger, since we only have $1!" ... and so slowly, the pounds snuck on.

It took me a while to admit it.. denial is a powerful thing, and heroin makes it SO much easier! There were little comments, "oh you look great with an ass!" Or "Don't worry! All that extra weight looks good on you!" And I'm sure they were well-intentioned, but they stung like bees. The humiliation, Shame, Guilt..would fill me up and consume me until I was high again and didn't care.

But I got off the drugs... and with clarity, saw what my body had become. My once concave stomach had the beginnings of a fleshy pooch. My thighs were closer together, and somehow manage to grow outward as well, making little hills when I sat. My cute bras were not only painful, but created a roll of fat beneath the band (and did nothing to contain the globes of fat that my once perfect tits had been. My underwear was eclipsed by a small roll of pure blubber and hurt to wear.

Was I getting fat? The scale said 133, and I cried for days. I had gotten down to past 90 just last year.. 40 pounds of pure fat engulfing my little body. There was pressure on my (new, larger) jeans as my plump tummy rolled over the strained waistband. More of me spilled out everywhere, over my hips, through the arm wholes of my T-Shirts... none of my clothes fit me, or even came close. My fat ooozed out of everything I owned.

This is when I first felt the jiggling. In every movement I made. Even if I was laying on the bed, as usual, if my dog jumped up to join me, I could feel my whole body wave.

But I had been so thin, this doesn't mean I'm fat now does it? Just normal! It's normal for your gut to hang out sometomes right? For your ass to rip your yoga pants?

" But 130 isn't really FAT at all..." i said while shoveling Haagen Daaz into my face. I thought as long as I stayed here, maybe I could get used to being juicy... I just won't get any fatter..

Or so I thought...

*True Story, will be continued! Please comment!