Chapter 4 - paolo 2

Chapter IV
Paolo
Roger Nitts Senior High School, January 7th, 9.15 am

I throw my Nutrition Education books inside my locker and pick my English Literature assignment up.
It has been around two weeks after Gabby’s party and the huge shitty move I made on Trevor. I feel horrible. I’m so mad at myself, at my school, at my generation, at my sexuality, and even at Carl and Billy. I couldn’t even try to fap on Trevor’s angelic face. It just felt so wrong.
Also, school starts today and I can’t help finding myself checking my surroundings and seeing if anyone is still gossiping about my pick-up line, which seems to have become pretty popular in these corridors.
I was just trying to be nice and honest, saying I like Trevor when he puts on weight. But people, of course, are mean. So it’s a joke, because if everyone at the party was being mean to him, Paolo Montana can’t be the hero. He is as dumb and mean as anyone else, no one likes a fatty.
It feels so wrong. I feel wrong. But, well, there are many international students this semester. I can’t wait to see them blow up like balloons. They get here and black out for six months or a year. They become American. No Mediterranean diet, no breakfast, lunch and dinner. Just fast foods and snacking all day.
To be honest, I expected this to happen to me too once I got here. But my body just… refuses, I guess.
It’s not like I don’t eat shitty food, but I’m an active person. I love exercising, freeing my mind from the negative energy. It usually works, but these two weeks it was freezing so I literally just laid in bed watching Netflix, staying at Carl’s or Billy’s to play Crash Bandicoot, and, of course, trying to jerk off on Trevor, unsuccessfully. I don’t know how I can look at him ever again thinking he’s the guy I die to masturbate on but I just can’t.
“Hey.”
I look at Carl, he seems pretty embarrassed. He’s the one not looking in my eyes right now.
“Are you okay?” he continues.
I stay silent, closing my locker: “I feel like an idiot.”
“People on the team are speaking about your mean joke, back at Gabby’s.”
I stop: “Carl, I was serious.”
“What? No way. I thought you were just being a prick and then regretted it when everybody started laughing.”
I roll my eyes, pretty mad: “You know I like them fat. I don’t get why even you thought it was sarcasm.”
Carl nods with his head, I see his eyes sparkling. I trust this cunt, but sometimes his ideas are worse than his overly gelled curly haircut.
“Easy peasy, my boy. You just need to tell him!”
“What?”
“You text Trevor and explain you weren’t joking.”
“Hey Trevor, sorry if you misread my compliment. I actually like you FAT.”
Carl laughs: “Okay, okay, maybe not like that. But I told you so many times, there’s nothing wrong with what you like in bed. I mean, it’s definitely a bit fucked up and many people may find it sick, but you do you, Paolo.”
“Thanks, Carl… I guess?” I answer, shyly, “I’ll think about texting him, but most of the school would think I’m a psychopath if this thing about me goes around.”
“You know I’ll stick with you no matter what.”
We end our conversation with a fist bump and a bittersweet smile printed on our faces. He knows I suffer for not having a boyfriend by my side. My grades are okay, water polo is going great, I may get a university bursary for it, my family is doing fine and I just need to find a part time job. My main priority now is my love life, I don’t want to be thirty and look back at my high school days realizing I never had a boy to escort to lessons or who waits for me after a match.
I’m not out of the closet at school. With that I mean that I don’t hide that I like guys, but I don’t feel like declaring it either. I’ve always been very quiet, and after trying to hit on a guy in public and offending him to death, I’m definitely going to stick to the private person facade.
I am walking towards my English classroom when I see Trevor entering it before me. His ass is heaven, but is less round than usual. I don’t know if it’s the baggy pants or if he had gained so much weight that he’s starting to lose his silhouette. In my dreams he’s always more and more massive.
I get in the room, a bit surprised to see him standing in front of the class by the teacher’s desk.
He wears a flannel shirt, which is weird. Also, his signature garment (skin-tight jeans), have been substituted by baggy red trousers. His voice is super low, he can’t look at me. He’s feeling like shit and I’m one of the reasons he lost a bit of confidence.
“So, yeah, tonight at nine we are going to do a revival of our last year play ‘A wolf among us’. There are still some tickets available if anyone is interested please cont-”
I wave my hand without hesitation. Since Trevor stops talking and the class turns around to watch me, the situation gets super weird in a very fast lapse of time. Somebody starts laughing, while Trevor looks super angry and ignores me.
I’m pretty shy when it comes to interacting with guys I like, so I don’t know what to do if not to stand there with my arm towards the ceiling. Trevor tries to speak to the class again, but nobody is listening.
“Do you guys think it’s funny?” he says, noticeably annoyed by me and my classmates, “what the actual fuck is funny about what I said and the fact that a bully like Paolo literally just raised his hand?”.
“Phillips, language” says my English teacher, before studying me with his eyes and a confused look.
“I’m done with the lack of respect of certain people, Mr.” he simply answers, before leaving some flyers of the play of tonight on the desk and escaping from our classroom, completely red in the face. He moves his huge ass like if he was on a runway, before disappearing from the little rectangle of the corridor I can see from the open door. Some people who were laughing at my move now are staying silent.
“You are an idiot” says Billy to my right.
I should just give up, I’m just not good with these things.
But then I think about his fine ass, and I get my phone from my shorts’ left pocket. It takes two seconds to change my mind and let the fear of rejection embrace me like a huge blanket.