chapter 37 - paolo (epilogue)

Epilogue
Paolo
Roger Nitts Senior High School’s gym, May 20th, 09:16pm

We’ve been slow-dancing our night away and I’ve been holding Trevor for hours as if it’s the last time I’m going to hold him. He has to tell me something, but he’s making me wait for it.
We have already discussed what we will do after I leave for Hilo and he stays here, so I’m confused on what he’s going to tell me. We’re not going to be an official couple anymore, once I land in Hawaii. But it’s not that bad: let’s say it’s going to be like an open relationship without the relationship part.
We will chat, videocall, do sexting and meet as soon as we can. If we end up messing around with other guys, we’re not going to rub it in each other’s face. But, to be honest, when I look at him I just see my future husband. Jonah is right, I’m gonna marry him one day.
He stares at us since we got here, but he doesn’t seem to have bad intentions. He just loves to see us together. To say the truth, when he came to say hi at the gym’s entrance, he literally stared down at Trevor in shock. He didn’t see him in a couple of weeks and he gained a lot of extra inches in just half a month. From one point of view, I’m impressed and proud. From the other, I feel even more guilt for when I’ll leave him to deal with fatphobia on his own.
Trevor doesn’t seem to mind the attention he’s getting for his shape. I mean, he has undoubtedly the best ass out of everyone in this gym. He doesn’t talk about his diet much, even to me, but I think he’s having problems keeping up with it. I feel bad because it’s also my fault if he’s now a proper binge-eater. I’m struggling to see where the love of getting fatter stops and the eating disorder starts.
After the slow songs end, he asks me to go with him to smoke a cigarette outside. I let him lead the way just to look at that huge ass. Gabby did an amazing job, but she could have spared some more inches. I can literally glimp at the outline of his slips, they literally cut his cheeks making him look like he has four asses. His butt’s dimensions are out of control, I don’t know what the dietologist told him but if I see her I’ll definitely shake her hand.
We get to the backyard while a Christina Aguilera’s song is on. As he lights his cigarette, his gaze gets very serious very quickly.
“So, you know I told you I had a surprise for you.”
“Yeah” I say, getting closer to him. I take his hand, the one that is fag-free.
“I’m stopping the diet.”
“What? Why?”
“It’s not like it has been working, am I right?” he laughs, a laugh so powerful that the night sky seems now more luminous.
“I told you, I went on a diet because my mum was on my back, because I’m going to meet new people at Vassar and I’m not used to be judged as the overweight guy with an umproportionized body, and also, you’re not staying here to help me out with all this social pressure.”
He leaves my hand and sits on the sidewalk: “Don’t you see something wrong with these reasons?”
I stay silent, but no, I don’t see anything wrong with them. They’re all valid.
“Nothing about them is about me, about how I feel about myself. Trust me, it was hard to get where I’m getting, but it’s true: I have never, ever felt more beautiful in my life. I look at my stretchmarks, my boobs and my cellulite, and I see art. A pure form of art.”
The only other time I saw his eyes so bright was when he was telling me about the play he was writing back in January.
“I used to think I was getting fat for you, because I noticed you liked me on the heavier side and I’m convinced I’ll never meet someone as good looking and pure as you. But I think you just… enabled me to understand I never felt like myself until now. And that says more about me than you, or us.”
He concludes: “And also, I feel like the diet is too much pressure for a stress eater.”
I want to ask him one thing. Fuck it, I’m doing it.
“You didn’t gain that much.”
“I have a double chin, Paolo, are you fucking blind?”
He laughs straight after: “If I’m getting too big for you, I completely understand.”
“Trevor, you could never get too big for me, trust me.”
Did I say too much? He looks at me and smiles gently. I sit down next to him and hold his hand again. And then I ask him: “How much do you weigh?”
“Oh boy, guess.”
“I don’t want to offend you.”
“Let’s say I’m not the 175 pounds I was last October.”
He looks down at his belly, now compacted because he’s sat. The beige shirt is highlighting the shape of his rolls, it drives me wild. He’s right, he’s a work of art.
“Well you were 200 pounds in February, right?”
He nods.
“I’d say… 225 or something like that?”
“Oh god, I’m definitely too big for you.”
I grab his love-handle somehow violently: “Stop saying that, you physically CAN’T get too big for me.”
And then he tells me. He currently weighs an astonishing 248 pounds.
It shows, not gonna lie, I was just downplaying the number to be sure to not offend him.
I wasn’t too sad about him being on a diet, I was okay with it: Trevor is so much more to me than his natural predisposition to gain weight in the right places. Knowing he’s getting closer to 300 pounds than 200 is hot as hell, also because he has gained like seventy pounds in less than a year.
But yeah, Trevor has so many qualities. Everything I like about the world I can easily connect to him. Him being fat and owning it is definitely one of them, but it’s not the only thing at all. He’s cultured, talented, sassy, strong, independent. I could swim for hours in those blue eyes.
“Shall we go back in?” he asks, leaning towards me for a kiss. I push him back right after.
“I actually have a surprise too. And you’re not going to like it.”
His expression changes completely as he slowly tries to stand up. I poke at his belly and my dick gets hard, it’s embarrassing how easily Trevor makes me horny.
“Paolo Montana, you better not ruin my senior prom’s fantasy.”
“Before I tell you what I want to tell you, you have to promise me to let me talk before choking me to death by sitting on me.”
He gives me a weak slap, laughing: “C’mon moron, you’re making me nervous.”
“Promise.”
He eye-rolls super hard, but he accepts my condition.
“I committed to Cortland.”
Trevor’s eyes get even more deer-eyed than usual. He’s in shock: “Y-You’re fucking with me, aren’t you? You told me you rejected their offer!”
He gets another cigarette from his pack, asking for an explanation. I can just sigh.
“Cortland gave me full financial aid too. Apart from Hilo, every other college rejected me or didn't give me enough aid. So… I don’t know Trevor, I just like you a lot.”
My boyfriend shakes his head, he’s traumatized. I can see his eyes are already full of guilt.
“But listen, I did it for me, okay? I just know that my happiness is studying what I love, but also to have you in my life.”
He intervenes, almost shouting: “That’s why we decided to for an open relationship without the relations-”
“I love you, Trevor. I’m fucking serious.”
He stops talking. He stops moving.
“I’ve never felt so happy and loved… and horny. Like, I’m properly happy with you. You make me happier than Hawaii, really. And I know, it’s not like we’ll be both in Nitts, but… we can work it out.”
He sighs: “Let’s say that three hours by car it’s way smoother and cheaper than almost a day of traveling.”
We stay silent for a bit, a Crystal Castles song starts. I caress Trevor's cheeks while I put my other hand on his heart. It’s beating so fast.
“Are you mad at me?” I ask.
“I… I am, I think. We should have discussed it.”
“You would have forced me to go to Hilo.”
“... I just hope you genuinely like Cortland.”
“I do. It’s a great school.”
He looks defeated and a bit worried, but I know he’s very happy underneath: “It is.”
“Can you smile for me? I pretty much told you I’m in love with you and that I sorted my life out to give us a chance during uni.”
He laughs and cries simultaneously. Gosh, isn’t he precious?
“Are you sure you’re okay with me being this big?” he says laughing, “If you were in Hilo at least I could take strategic selfies to look thinner.”
I spank his ass super hard: “Say that again and I’ll spank you harder.”
He looks at me with desire, before putting both my hands on that planet we call Trevor’s butt: “Is that a threat or an invite?”
We kiss again for a couple of minutes, we both get hard as hell. Then he stops.
“Oh, by the way…”
“Trevor, I think I’m done with surprises and confessions for tonight. We’ve already unpacked a l-”
“I love you too, Paolo. I just realized I didn’t tell you yet.”
I smile, I go back to grab his ass and get closer to his ear. I whisper: “I think you’re right, actually.”
He looks at me in confusion before putting his hand on my leg: “About what?”
I kiss his ear and breathe in his gelled hair.
“You are a work of art, Trevor Phillips.”