chapter 2

Waddling my way out into the living room where the delivery crew had set up everything, I couldn’t believe my eyes. There was a literal ton of food, and it was all for me! Of course, I’d already been stuffing my face all day by that point and was feeling quite full, but the excitement of seeing all this food and knowing that it was all for me had my system raring to go. My mouth was watering and my heart was pounding, and I could feel myself getting aroused just thinking about how fat I was going to be at the end of the night.

I dove in head first and started shoveling food into my face with my bare hands, reaching in and scooping out fistfuls of mashed potatoes, slathering them with gallons of gravy and slobbering it all over me as I rammed it into my face. Then I grabbed a chicken in each hand and started chowing down on them, devouring them like they were nothing. The turkeys were big and heavy, but I sucked those down like they were water too. The roasts were thick and juicy, lined with layers of fat and gristle. I got extra excited as I devoured those, knowing that all of that fat was soon going to be inside of me – and a part of me!

After hours of stuffing myself like a hungry hog, I began to get hit with a feeling of fullness such as I hadn’t ever known. I was tired and my eyes were heavy, my head was spinning and I felt like I was drunk. I caught a glimpse of myself in a mirror I had hanging on the wall, and I couldn’t believe my eyes. “That’s really me,” I said as I looked at the reflection of an insanely obese man, covered from head to toe in gravy and grease, looking like an actual pig wallowing in his slop.

“I’m getting so full,” I said to myself, patting my soiled hands on my gigantic tummy, “I don’t know if I can finish all this.” Looking around there was still so much food left, it was as if I’d barely made a dent.

“No!” I said, determined to go on. “Come on, Jonah! You got this!” It was at that moment that I vowed to myself that I wasn’t going to quit until every last bit of this gargantuan feast was inside of me.


As the evening wore on, my pace slowed down, but I did not relent. I ate and I ate, my huge belly growing bigger and rounder by the minute. At a certain point I almost felt as if I were slipping into some sort of fitful dream. My head was light and the room around me was getting dark. A galaxy of stars seemed to swirl around my head as I got fuller and fuller. Then I seemed to start slipping in and out of consciousness, blacking out intermittently.
Then came the moment that I came to and realized that I had literally eaten enough food to feed one hundred people – almost! There was one roasted chicken left in the tray.

“I’ve – *gasp* – got to – *huff* – eat it – *puff* – ALL!” I declared aloud.

Huffing and puffing breathlessly, I closed my eyes and opened my mouth, stuffing the chicken into my face. My belly was so overstuffed and in pain that I almost couldn’t do it, but with a few big chomps I was able to take the whole thing down – bones and all!


“Oh God!” I bellowed, “What is happening to me? What have I done?”

My entire body began to swell up and inflate like a gigantic balloon. I could feel the gasses inside of me building up, putting an unbearable amount of pressure on my entire body. Bigger and bigger I grew, until I’d gotten so big that my feet were no longer touching the floor. I was literally becoming a massive globe, rocking and rolling back and forth, around and around.

“I guess this is what I get for being such a greedy fat-ass!” I cried to myself as a feeling of panic washed over me. “If only Alana were here now,” I said to myself as I wobbled about, my face grimacing in pain, knowing that her very presence always seemed to bring me a feeling of comfort and security. Now I’ve never been what one might consider a ‘man of faith,’ nor have I believed in any sort of destiny or divine intervention – but all I can tell you is that at that very moment, the universe heard me, and sent to me exactly what I needed.