Chapter 4

Joanna could not hide her excitement at this ritual humiliation of her older brother began to take place, because he had always given her hell about her weight as a child.

And so the whole family by now had been assembled around the breakfast bar in the kitchen, and the scales laid out before Greg’s feet in the middle of the room. Judgement day - it seemed - had really arrived a day or two early for Greg at this stage.

“So we have Dad at twenty, … Aunt Marie at thirty five, … Josie at fifty.” Joanna began rattling off all the numbers that she had jotted down so far.

Greg just stood there and took it all in. How had it come to all this he wondered to himself and looked down at his gut. He suddenly began to regret all those late night take out binges and bottomless buckets of treats.

“Wait a minute,” Greg’s father blurted. “Are we including shoes in his weight too?”
“No shoes,” Joanna said, scribbling down another rule on her piece of paper, which now documented all the facts necessary to play this game.

“We’re gonna need a starting weight too,” Joanna added, as the whole family turned again towards Greg and looked onward at his reddening face.

“One-eighty,” Greg paused, and scratched at the back of his head, as the sea of expectant faces looked back somewhat in disbelief. “Maybe one-eighty-five,” Greg added a little more hesitantly further.

“Let’s call it one-ninety then,” Joanna observed, scribbling down the number on her paper, as a few knowing giggles broke out from amongst the familial crowd.

“Did anyone see what Greg ate this morning?” Joanna chewed at the end of her pen as she asked the question.

“I can see why you’re in legal work Jo.” Joanna’s mother giggled at her only daughter, as she dutifully vacuumed up all the facts.

“Just wanna make sure we have all the evidence Mom.” Joanna winked at her older brother with a sly grin.

“Pancakes, … bacon, … cereal, … French toast.” The list of food observations got a little vast once it all been laid out and Christmas dinner with desserts and snacks was also included too.

“It’s Christmas!” Greg crossed his arms in protest above his now very bloated belly, as his cheeks began to flush a deep Santa-coat red.

“We’re just messing with you Greg.” Greg’s father chipped in, and in a subtle attempt to help lighten the mood a little.

“Right then,” Joanna looked at the snippets of information she had just jotted down. “Let’s see who’s won.”

And all of a sudden the family’s expectant gazes returned back to Greg once again.

He was still stood ready behind the scale, his shoes now off, and awaiting his soon to arrive fate.

Greg peeled off the now ill-fitting Christmas sweater from last year, and steadied himself a little before he stepped up on the scale.

“That’s it Greg,” his Aunt Marie wolf-whistled at Greg as he stripped. “Show off that gut!”

Greg’s mother punched her tipsy elder sister in her arm, before another sea of giggles broke out across the family.

Greg relaxed his belly a little then tried to suck it all back in before he stepped up onto the scale.

“And so,” Joanna announced, always the consummate performer since her childhood days, as her elder brother stepped up on to the scale, and she hurried forwards to clamp her hand over his eyes.

“In this grand old game of how much weight did my brother put on this year,” Joanna continued. “We have a very clear winner indeed.” Joanna glanced back down at her paper hurriedly again just to double check all the facts.

“You’re not gonna like this Greg.” Joanna giggled, turning to face her older brother, still blindfolded behind her hand as she spoke.

“Just spit it out,” said Greg, not really able to stand the tension himself any more.

Joanna patted Gregg’s belly with her free hand for a little dramatic effect, then continued to look over her notes before turning back to look at the rest of the family looking on.

“It turns out this belly is a lot heavier than it looks folks.”

“Come on Joanna.” Their mother - like everyone else - was now getting a little impatient to hear the result.

“What’s a ‘bad’ amount of weight to gain in any given year Greg?” Joanna turned to her brother and asked, unable to help herself from stringing this out a little further - just to annoy her older brother - and now a little for show. “Greg? Any guesses?” Joanna added further.

“Oh I don’t know,” Greg replied, shrugging his shoulders, as his little sister’s hand still clamped itself tightly across his face. “Maybe twenty pounds or so, give or take.”

“I gained thirty expecting you.” Joanna’s mother quipped, jokingly.

Joanna chuckled to her mother’s remark.

“Well you’d have been better off getting pregnant then Greg,” said Joanna.

“How much??” Greg prompted his little sister once more, now becoming a little irate.

“He was eating a Burger King when I got to the airport.” Joanna giggled, clearly now a little worse for wear after another glass of post-lunch eggnog began to hit her head.

“Hey!” Their competitive father now intervened a little. “That’s some new information right there so late in this play!”

“Okay, okay,” Joanna continued. “Drum roll ladies and gentlemen please!”

Their Aunt Marie duly stepped up to the plate and drummed her hands on the kitchen breakfast bar counter-top as the family turned to face Joanna and Greg once more.

“The scale shows that Greg has gained a grand total of …,”

“This year, ….” Joanna continued, and strung it out a little further.

“Of fifty five.” She paused to hear the audible gasps from her audience. “Yes fifty five pounds in a year!”

“No!!” Greg exclaimed, and hurriedly stepped off the scale, thinking his little sister was having him on, but the figure of 245 lbs was still hanging on to the screen.

“That can’t be right,” Greg added, hastily stepping back up on the scale again, his belly bouncing as he did so, and a whopping 255 lbs flashing up this time, before settling back down to 245 lbs once more.

“Wow Greg,” his mother giggled, and came over to take a look at the number for herself. “That’s quite a year you’ve had there!”

“I’ll join a gym,” said Greg, blushing, and knowing full well he probably wouldn’t. “And maybe lay off some snacks.”

“That’s okay big bro.” Joanna tried her best to comfort her big brother through her fits of giggles and almost tears of laughter. “You only look a little chubby so far.” She offered him a Christmas candy with a wry smile.

“Thanks.” Greg smarmed a little at his little sister, and took two candies just not to give her the satisfaction of saying no to the treat.

And so through her little engineered Christmas game - Joanna had managed to ensure that her brother’s newly developed belly would be the favorite topic of conversation for the rest of the family to return to throughout the rest of the Christmas break. And jibes from then on about putting on weight just didn’t stop, and Greg was offered treat-after-treat before that ‘all important’ New Year dieting to come.

“We won’t be playing this game next year.” Greg turned to his whole family, whilst he still had their full attention whilst he was stood behind the scales.

“You might have a few more pounds to lose by then.” Joanna winked at her older brother, as she offered him another candy, and the family topped up all their drinks and returned to the lounge once more.

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