chapter 4

Months go by, and Dan slims down dramatically if you can 5'6 and 485 pounds slim, which of course no one does.

Everyone stared at him when we first got here, and they still stare at him. They're starving, or at least they were. We had to make clothes for him, there weren't any that fit.

But everyone is starving less these days. We came upon what seemed to be a farm, maintained by the city government.

"I think you guys got the only real food in the place", I tell him, "That's where they got the food to stuff you guys with."

He's frowning again. "I'm sorry, I know it's hard", I add.

"I knew people in there, Cate. I can't just sit here and do nothing."

I know he wants to join our military resistance, but we both know he's simply too big.

"The information you give people is priceless", I tell him with a hug. "When we go in, we have to get it right the first time. No one raises these animals and crops like you do..."

"Stop treating me like I'm a child", he argues.

"We all make a contribution, and you're making one. So am I, so are we all..."

"Don't even think about it", he says.

I made a promise to myself that I'd kill Caldwell personally. But Dan doesn't want me any closer to that city than I want him.

So we've become farmers, plotters, and planners as I try to find my family.

As we make love every night. He's as round and soft and handsome as I remember, and my every dream and fantasy is coming true with him. True, I never thought we'd be sleeping in tents...or we'd live in a world like this. But it's easy to forget all of it with a handful of his plump flesh or kissing his lips or feeling him bounce beneath me.

I still call him my honeypot. It's an endearment now they'll never steal.

I make sure my honeypot gets his fill and more. He's growing again very slowly. No one who didn't make love to him every night would know.

As the only survivor, Dan has the painful task of informing the rest of the refugees about their families. Some of them lost people in Class E, and if he remembers a name, he shares it. I know how hard it is for him. But we have to believe we can end this.