Chapter 1 - 001: a plate of new beginnings

“Hey idiot, wake up, you died” a voice echoed. The words seemed to spring a dull sort of awakening through my mind. A sense of self returning to my body. With it came a strange sort of certainty that she was correct. Dull memories swept through my mind. Fluffy like cotton candy as I tried to comprehend them. Half a whiff of smoke, a brief flash of heat, distant sounds of yelling. It was much too vague to have a huge emotional impact. I could hardly remember it after all. Something told me that I was somehow lucky in that regard. Of course, in spite of her claims I felt alive enough to get my eye lids open. I began to try and rise from the position I was sitting in. As my vision opened up I saw clouds, sunlight and god rays piercing through soft white vapors. It was sort of beautiful. But I was more than a little distracted by something blocking my full view of my strange surroundings.

She was a little short, with midnight black hair long and curling to her lower back, bangs cut jaggedly in a horizontal slope across her face, such that her right eye was almost covered. They had a bright silver color that seemed to almost glow with an intensity I suspected wouldn’t have occurred on a normal person. Her skin was pale almost like snow, and cut a sharp contrast with the light and flowing opal black dress she was wearing. It was draped across her and fluttered a little in a gentle sort of breeze. It did a poor job of hiding a slim and slight figure. Thin and without curves, like a gymnast, albeit without the accompanying muscle mass. Her head was tilted to the side slightly observing me as I examined her. Shoulders slumped in an indication of boredom that was contradicted by the intense gaze she was giving me. She cut through the bright angelical atmosphere like an obsidian dagger through butter.

“I was expecting Saint Peter to be less cute” I joked. While for some having become recently deceased would’ve been a reason to have some sort of breakdown, I held the opposite opinion. If I was already dead, I really didn't see much of a reason to be miserable. My joke earned me an eye roll which encouraged me probably a little too much. “You weren’t expecting Saint Peter at all, you spent your insignificant life, utterly unsure any which way, in denominational limbo, it worked out I guess, it’s part of why you’re here” she explained with a shrug. “Where exactly is here anyways?” I couldn’t help but inquire. “The divine realm, the psychological tapestry on which humanity paints their divines, you were plucked up on orders by some goddess or another on your way....down” she explained pointing downwards in a gesture that made it very clear what exactly she was trying to convey. “You were a very naughty boy, but rather than ship you straight down somebody though it’d be better for you to pay your penance here” she elaborated further.

“I was under the impression I was doing a pretty decent job at the whole being a good person thing” I objected. I doubted she had much say in the matter, but for my own sake it was a complaint I wanted voiced. “Actually ***, you were an exceptionally selfish individual, which is why your penance will be ensuring the satisfaction of others” she said with a tone that carried a certain sense of disdain. She reminded me of a teenager working part time in her family's store. Bored and wanting to be literally anywhere else. Never the less I found myself laughing. It was a pleasant feeling. “Well seeing as I spent literally my entire life caring for people, that should be no problem, I’m fairly sure you people have the wrong guy”. She rolled her eyes again, seemingly not liking my sense of bravado all that much.

“Let’s see here, Dante Caparbio, worked as the number one chauffer in your family's five-star hotel before becoming a high-class butler” she elaborated. Every word dripping with annoyance. I couldn’t help but reel a little at her information. Sure, it wasn’t exactly the secrets of the universe but it was more than a little disconcerting to have your own life story lain out before you by a stranger. “Oh...and your favorite band is the Spice Girls” she added which somehow felt much more concerning that the actually important information she had listed. “Quite frankly I would’ve sent you all the way down just for your crimes against good taste, but here we are” she finished with a passive aggressive sort of shrug. She was so pretty I was finding her disdain more attractive than concerning or insulting. But then again, I had never had the most fantastic taste in women. Or as it seemed, divine spirts.

“You’ll service five greater goddesses, performing their whims and trying to make them happy, when all five say they’re satisfied you get to move up instead” she said pointing vertically. I had sort of anticipated this would be “up” as it were. But seemingly that was a whole different area to the divine realm. As I heard her challenge, I couldn’t help but chuckle again. To say I was unconcerned would be an understatement. My penance, was seemingly going to be just another day in the office. Keeping superior haughty women in good spirits. “I take it you’re here to supervise me on behalf of whoever arranged my penance?” I interrogated the passive aggressive spirit. “Something to that effect yes” she elaborated her eyes narrowing at my confidence. I’ll admit, some of my bravado was a bit of pageantry. The sight of the spirits blood pressure rising was somehow satisfying and a bit adorable. “I, Exepato Aniotos will be your guide” she said seeming to have picked up on some of my interest. “For the sake of avoiding you butchering my mother tongue, you may call me Ani” she said a clear pout on her pretty face that made me want desperately to have her scold me about something.

As if in answer to my prayers we were interrupted by the sound of a growl that seemed almost comically out of place in the radiant and awe-inspiring environment. I wasn’t even sure where it had originated from till I saw Ani light up like a Christmas tree. Her cheeks turning pink as it became clear it had originated from her flat middle. I glanced from her stomach then to her and cocked an eyebrow in a fashion that was I sure would fluster her further. “You hungry?” I asked her doing my best not to sound too smug. “No” her pretty lips signaling an objection. One which was immediately interrupted by another downright ferocious growl from her stomach. It sounded like the noise a wild beast would make and its contrast with her divinely immaculate exterior was as hilarious as it was adorable. Yet still not half as cute as the blush and look on her face after it rang out. “Look lugging you off your predestined divine path was a lot of work” she protested. Her intense gaze now firmly directed at her sandal clad feet.

“I could cook for you, might be good practice” I propositioned. Taming angry women with the power of a fulfilling meal had been my number one way of getting away with my bullshit when I was alive. I saw little reason to let something like my untimely demise change that. She licked her lips a little and I could almost see her stalwart resolve crack. But as her hungry gaze flipped up back towards my smug mug, I could see a resolute will in her eyes. “Absolutely not” she protested crossing her arms across her flat chest. “But I will take a break to restore my energy, just in case your terrible personality causes trouble on the way to your first job” she explained in an accusatory sort of tone. Pulling out a few sweets from a pouch on her belt. Two chocolate bars, and a couple of assorted candy seemed oddly normal for an angelic being to be carrying around. Almost laughably so. Never the less Ani started to nibble on them as we stood together.

She ate in a quiet sort of lady like fashion. With manners and grace and a flat expression which indicated she was finding very little joy in eating the sweet treat. Some part of me wondered if it was because she knew I was watching her. It was of course entirely possible she just didn't like the taste. But I found it hard to believe she’d carry around a snack pack containing food items which brought her so little joy. Yet even as I made sure to make a good show of pretending to be distracted, her eating process remained the same. There was funny sort of contradiction between the amount of food and her personality. It was fairly gluttonous amount of food she was filling herself up with by most people's standards. But it was equally clear she wasn’t all that into eating it. It was almost exciting in a strange sort of way. A mystery worth cracking.
She polished off the last of her treats and stuffed the assorted wrappers back into her belt pouch. Wiping her lips clean with the shoulder strap of her dress. As skinny as she was, I could almost swear her middle was a little bloated just from her quick road snack. But I was fairly sure that If I stared long enough to confirm it the last of her patience would give out and she’d smite me. “So now that a certain somebody has finished stuffing their face, where do we start” I couldn’t help but tease. “That was hardly stuffing my face, It was a quick snack on the road” she protested. But I couldn’t help but feel like there was an absence of an actual argument in her objection. “In any case, we start at the beginning of your mortal perception of mythology, The Goddess Ishtar of Babylonia, the oldest goddess” she explained trying to sound dignified and official. I wasn’t quite enough of a mythology nerd to be familiar with her. My mental image was of a stately old lady in a wheel chair, who would spent the entire job asking me to play card games that went out of fashion during world war 2 and regaling me with stories of her grandchildren. Of course, I was soon to be proven, very very wrong in that preconceived notion.