Life story: how i gained 100 kg

Chapter 1 - going to burst

I've always been thin. This is how fifty percent of weight loss stories probably begin. The other half begins "I've always been overweight." A whole cult was developed around thinness, but I never thought that I would fall into this sect. From early childhood I went in for sports and led a very active lifestyle. Kindergarten, ballet, swimming pool, then school began and gymnastics was added. I just had no time to bite or eat again. Our teacher at the ballet school served as an additional incentive. She weighed us and blamed us in front of everyone for every extra hundred grams.

The humiliation is just hellish! We all went hungry all day, some of the girls suffered from bulimia. But we were twelve years old. However, her tactics worked. If in other groups the girls left because of excess weight, then we had a full team that did not even think about breaking up. We performed, trained for hours. The bodies became steel and I loved it. But at the age of thirteen I fell in love for the first time and from that moment everything in my life rushed into the abyss. His name was Roma, but the age difference was huge, almost twelve years. Eventhough I liked him so much!

He came to take pictures of us for the annual class album. I couldn't even take a normal photo, I was shaking. He calmed me down, said that I was a beauty and that I just need to smile a little, let the hair down and sit on a chair half-turned. The photo turned out great. I stole his phone number from the class teacher. Agreed to pay for the photo session for the portfolio. We shot all the shots in a photo studio. And I decided that now is the best moment to attack. I reached out to kiss him, and he jumped back. Then he put his hands on my shoulders and said that I was very beautiful, but still small. And most importantly, he is married and loves his wife madly. I have never experienced such pain. I grabbed my coat and ran out of the studio. A prickly, painful lump shrank inside.

He throbbed in his chest and wanted to rip him out by the roots. How could he refuse me? I was really very beautiful, I looked older than my classmates. But this heartache hit me harder than it seems. I went to the pastry shop, bought a big cake and brought it home. I took off the box and began to eat with a fork, until my stomach filled up and I felt sick. I stopped feeling mental anguish, it became easier. This was my way of dealing with stress. Unrequited love turned me into a weak-willed vegetable. I quit all my sports sections, lay at home and just ate. There was no greater pleasure now than lying on the couch and eating just everything I could. The fatter and sweeter the food was, the better I felt. Mom began to notice that I was gaining weight rapidly and the first thing she did was take me to the gynecologist. She was afraid that I was pregnant. But the doctor told her that I was still a girl and there was nothing to be worried about.

And at fifteen, instead of forty-five kilograms with a height of one hundred and sixty-five, I began to weigh seventy kilograms. The weight gain was disastrous. Everyone around me decided that I was blind and they constantly said that I had to lose weight. But that didn't stop me. It was as if I was building up the armor around me, becoming overgrown with fat, protecting me from the hardships of the environment. From a psychological point of view, I understand that I gained weight in order to stop experiencing pain. But by the age of nineteen, the mark had become critical. For several weeks I was tormented by shortness of breath, I made an appointment with a doctor and there for the first time in a year I was on the scales. My weight was one hundred and nine kilograms. And this is with an increase of one hundred and sixty-five centimeters. I was ballooning up.

Naturally, I was diagnosed with obesity, prescribed a diet and moderate exercise. But I didn’t observe anything. And why? Nobody asked me if I want to lose weight at all! I just heard that if i won't lose weight, no one will marry me. Excuse me, but when did I say that I want to get married at all?! Everyone around was deciding how it would be better for me, but for some reason they did not bother to ask my opinion. Now I am twenty-four years old and the weight has exceeded one hundred and twenty kilograms. I love my fattened body, this is my fortress! In it, I am protected from pain and suffering. Nobody breaks my heart, nobody breaks my soul with refusal. At this enormous weight, I am safe. Covered with armour of fat.