chapter 1

March 15th-175lbs-0lb gained, 6ft 1in

Two weeks off seems pretty nice. I mean, obviously the circumstances leave a lot to be desired, global pandemic, poorly managed government response...but a two week vacation sounds great. I’ve been so “on” for the past year, I'm looking forward to doing basically nothing for two weeks.
I renewed my WoW subscription, I haven’t played in so long, there's a literal treasure trove of content at the moment. I’d gotten so addicted as a kid but I’d branched out as I got older. I mean, what else I’m I gonna do?
. I stockpiled a mountain of junk food, at least a months worth of frozen pizza, mac and cheese and other low rate snack foods from the grocery outlet. Who knew Zebra cakes came in so many flavors? I’ve decided to lean in for the time being.
To be honest, part of me is kind of excited about giving myself two weeks to just veg. I’m in pretty great shape right now, but it’s just two weeks, no one can ruin their body in two weeks.
Looking down at my athletic wear, I can see how loosely it hangs on my body, the only areas of tightness highlighting my muscular body. I’ve earned the right to let loose for a while. Though part of me fantasized about what it might be like to get a bit chubby, having a few weeks to “lean in” feels like a fun way to engage without committing too much. Besides, it’s not exactly hard to eat food like this whenever I want.

May 1st- 196lbs-21lbs gained

Well, one week into the two weeks, it was extended to 6, a few weeks later, indefinite. If I’m honest, the times basically flown by for me. All I do is play games into the early morning, sleep most of the day, then repeat. The snacking has become constant. Bags of candy disappear in a day, it’s shockingly easy. I can’t leave the apartment anyway, I stockpiled better than I’d thought before all this started, once I’d decided that I’d be “leaning in” I let go of all control, I’ve been submitting to my urges anytime I want. On top of that, the unemployment stimulus has been generous, I’m making more money sitting on my ass playing world of warcraft than I was working 40 hours a week. I’ve been ordering out constantly, I order from a new places all the time: though i’d be lying if I said a significant portion of that wasn’t from dominos. It’s gotten increasingly easier to eat an extra large pizza in a single sitting. Which is...maybe a little concerning? My appetite has gotten bigger the last few weeks in particular, it’s hard to stop myself once I start. The only thing that slows me down now is when my gut is literally aching, my body miserable with the enormous amount of food in my stomach.
I can feel that my body has grown, it isn’t much, but some of my pants feel noticeably tighter. My hips and thighs straining against some of the material. Trying to button some jeans, fresh from the wash, the waistband felt very tight, the constraining fabric forcing my stomach into a pooch. It’s kind of exciting, letting go a little like this...it almost makes me wonder what a few more months of this will look like…would I actually get bigger? I mean, it’s already happening… all I need to do is keep going...I couldn’t imagine... but then I come to my senses, I can’t ruin my body, this is short lived, I’ll stop once I start to outgrow things.