The battle of the bulge

Chapter 1 - make love handles, not war

For Memorial Day, here is one of my truly patriotic weight gain stories, a 69-word erotic flash story (following it is an essay about this notion of fattening one's loved one):


"Battle for the Bulge"

A 69-word weight-gain erotica vignette

By Zonker


Tasha was home on leave for Memorial Day and looking a bit soft. Uncle Sam wanted Tasha fit - and in Afghanistan.

Her lover Shana wanted Tasha chubby - and at home.

The Army threatened discharge, giving Tasha until August to lose weight.

Caressing Tasha's new potbelly, fondling her love handles, Shana whispered, "More barbecue?"

Shana tempted Tasha with cheesecake and delicious lovemaking. She wasn't about to lose her roly-poly soldier girl to war.

By Independence Day, Tasha couldn't even button her uniform.



I wrote this little flash fiction after writing the following essay on Memorial Day 2007. I caught a lot of flak for my views from super-patriots and those who think it cowardly to get out of military service.

I think what I have to say here pertains to any of our patriotic weekends (Memorial Day, Veterans Day, Fourth of July).

Anyway, for this holiday, as more and more veterans have returned, let's consider this more than just a weekend of the usual patriotism, nationalistic jingoism and political speeches.

My original essay follows:

"This Memorial Day weekend . . .Make love handles, not war!!"

A patriotic proposal by Zonker

What we can all do to end the war is support a soldier boy or girl in getting too plump to any longer be fit enough for the service.

If you know someone who is in the service, once they get back in the states, or before they get a chance to go to Iraq again, make it your private mission to cook for them and feed them, fatten them up a little. Our husbands, our wives, parents, kids, friends and lovers do not deserve to die in a meaningless war.

Let's help them get nice and plump, so they can stay safe here at home.

Make love, not war.

Make love handles, not war.

Already, the armed forces are having a difficult time recruiting, but if we can fatten up those who might wish to sign up, we can put an end to this useless war... Or at least, we can end the war for those we love - those we personally know who deserve to grow old and fat and have kids and grandkids instead of dying for nothing.

The Congress and the politicians and the generals are going to let this disaster drag on and on. It's our duty as citizens to take action.

This Memorial Day weekend, invite your loved ones in the service to a barbecue which will help pack on the pounds. Make some pies, and little American flags all over them. And keep on cooking and baking them all kinds of goodies....

We can end this war if we all bake and cook and eat together. Love each other, take care of each other, spoil your friends, feed them well. Potbellies, love handles, fat rolls, thunder thighs will be our weapons. And we will not be defeated.

2005 MSNBC article on obesity taking its toll on U.S. troops and recruiting.

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NOTE: I hope no one thinks this call to action is just a trivial or silly exercise. Sure, it's kind of funny and stupid, but you know what? We citizens are so powerless, we need to find some way to end this crazy war. Let's think creatively, and support our troops by bringing them home.

I realize some may think this war is right, and that's okay. Disagree with me. That's what America is all about.

However, I hope you don't disagree about the following:

For all our carefree society's crassness, commercialism, callousness, Memorial Day shouldn't just be a clothing sale and a picnic in the park. I'm reminding myself this weekend of all who will never return to our homes, our picnics, to our beds, to our family tables. All those from every war who never got back home.

And I pray for all those who miss them in so many ways. And I'm praying for those who are still here at home, waiting, yearning for loved ones' safe return. The fates cannot bring them home fast enough . . .

This weekend isn't just about politics -- much more important than those little arguments. Whether you support this war or not, I am sure you feel the same about the swift return of those who deserve to return well and whole, so that we may all become well and whole again.

Have a great weekend!

2015 Independence Day:

Everyone, have a great holiday weekend, and fatten yourself and loved ones with barbecues, buttered corn and cakes and pies. And welcome those who have been gone back to the picnic table.
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Stevita 2 years
I had totally forgotten about this, but I read it back in the day and I still love it! And years later, draft dodging is my all-time favorite trope in feedist fiction hehe.
Zurea 8 years
Thank you for the gift (my b-day is veteran's day)
GrowingLoveH... 8 years
Awww, thanks, beerbellybunny. I never know how something like this might be received, so I appreciate your comment.