Chapter 1

Today was hard; my boss has been ripping on me. He always tells me where improvement is needed and never tells me I’ve done well. I always hear him say, “Could be better.”
It’s so not fair, and I think it's because he one time overheard me calling him a fat pig. Since I started five years ago, his shirts look tighter and not muscular tighter, but fat tighter around his middle.
I’m not like the hottest guy in town, but I’m better looking due to my age, height, and weight; also, I dress better than him. My name is Tom, and I’m 30, 6’0 and 170 lbs.
My boss, also the company owner, is probably around 55 but in his mid-50s. He has primarily gray hair with a slight tint or pinch of black hair to be considered salt and pepper. At 55 years old, he is probably 5’10, 220 lbs, and slightly portly looking. His name is James.
James has owned this company for 15 years and has enough money to retire quickly but continues to work for god knows why.
You could say that he and I don’t see eye to eye on anything. I don’t think he pays reasonably, and he believes we are paid higher than we should be, and he is being generous. I’ve never seen someone say 17.00 an hour is excellent after working five years for a company with a minimum wage of 15.00 within the state. Fast food workers at In N Out have higher salaries than 17.00.
One day after finishing my job for the day, I was bull-shitting around in the office with him and some other people, and we had a slight disagreement, and afterward, he asked me to meet him in his office for discussions on various proposals.
I felt eery walking into James’ office with him following shortly behind me. It felt like a horror film. It was much less sinister once he turned on the office lights, but I became nervous as he sat down on the other side of his large beautiful, looking wooden desk.
James had the latest technology on the desk, a brand new Mac desktop with multiple curved screens. Sitting on his desk was a half-eaten container of Oreos next to a nearly empty bag of lays original potato chips.
I noticed him eying the snacks before looking at me and grabbing a handful of the remainder of the chips. I tried to hide my amusement that he could not resist the snacks for 2 minutes without munching on them.
I smirked, and James noticed and told me sternly, “ I am making a document for you. It may wipe that smirk off your face.” I sat and wondered if it was a pink slip. I doubt that he had no cause to suddenly fire me, even if I did call him tubby.
James completed the document and began clicking on different buttons on his multicolored mouse before the small mini printer to his right began printing what could be my termination. He scanned it over quickly before handing the document to me and a pen for the signature at the bottom of the paper.
For an older man, he was very tech-savvy. He began smirking, but my smile disappeared as I read the horrid document. The letter read:

_____________________________________ _______


Dear Thomas,

In lieu of recent events and after consultation with the human resources department, the company proposes to avoid your termination within the company. We have quotes from multiple employees claiming you have called one of your bosses or coworkers a “pig,” “tubby,” “round all the way round town,” and “lardass.”
This company will not tolerate your crude and indecent remarks lightly. We have discussed this with ownership and think we can provide appropriate punishment.
You will lose $0.50 hourly payfor every pound of weight you lose after a weigh-in scheduled for today and weekly until you reach the pay of minimum wage and if any weight is lost at any point after weight gain you will lose the earned salary until the weight has returned.
Alternatively, you can agree to terms of weight gain in order to promote to lead within the company. This promotion requires weekly weigh-ins and you will receive a pay raise of $0.50 hourly for every point of weight added until you reach 200 lbs then every additional pound of weight will incur a net pay increase of $0.25 hourly. By signing this document you hereby agree to the weight gain terms not provided and acknowledge deferral will require the alternative documentation printed and signed.


Thank you for your understanding and cooperation,
Your H.R Team

Employee Signature: __________________
Owner Signature: __________________

____________________________________________

“It's not April Fools James, you can't do April Fools-type crap this time of year,” I said nervously with laughter to hopefully prove this was all a joke. James chuckled saying “ this is no joke, you are going to be the tubby one know buddy or you won't be sticking around much longer.” I pondered the ramifications as I picked up the pen and tapped it to my forehead.

Please let me know if you like the story and would like me to continue. I have begun writing additional chapters.

**Also fixed the narrational error**