another thing I was thinking about today, perhaps down the road, is minimum *account* age in order to chat and/or DM. Lots of people constantly re-deleting accounts, going into chat, harassing people, and leaving. can't even be caught before they dip out again. If an account had to be minimum 3-7 days old it could curb that a bit. Wouldn't completely elminiate the problem but would help catch IP evaders and the like also.

Thank you! Appreciate the ocnsideration!

I'd much MUCh rather get a "user would like to private chat" popup like we used to int he old chat.

Block lists can get full. They are created only in order of blockage and can't be sorted. They're a bit unwieldy. Is there any way to either get a way to search/sort the list or for us to see a little "no" icon or something when we encounter a user we've blocked?

So many pics of cake/gray faces it's hard to keep up.

I was not a fan of the rep system BUT I do think getting the verfied badge helps a lot. My karma was actually low because everyone thought I was fake lol.

Something that would be nice instead would be a visible mod point system. like user has previously been banned for harssment/evasion/fake pics or something. no details just "This has hapepend"

Of course hard to implement since so many freakin people delete all the time. But any way to note that I think would be nice.

friend, I believe you are being too hard on yourself. This is literally just a kink. You do not need to "come out" it's not a sexuality. Everyone on the planet has kinks.

Now if you have internalized fatphobia, that's a whole different issue.

You're going to get vilified beacuse people have a black and white view of infidelity.

I can't know what happened between you and your wife, but i've been on the receiving end of cheating (I didn't know I was the other woman and it was devastating). I'll just share some things I have learned:

1. Cheating is a *response* to a bad situation, not the cause of one. It's not a emotionally secure response. It's not healthy. You are doing a disservice to you, your wife, and potential current/future partners, regardless of how you feel about any/all of the above. But—it's a form of seeking connection that you aren't getting. And you *know* why you're not getting it. So don't let anyone tell you that the breakdown for your relationship with your wife is 100% on your shoulders—if you are coming to terms with your sexuality, that means it was always there and the incompatibility was really no one's fault.

2. You are doing a bad thing because *everyone* (including you) deserve to be happy and who they are and with those they love, but that does not make you a bad person. You can choose to stop doing the bad thing and do the thing you really need the right way.

3. Guilt is something that we can do something with. Shame is not. Shame is the only useless emotion we have—because it says we are defective by default. No human is born defective. Guilt is a feeling over something we *did* not who we are as a person. You can resolve guilt. You can find hope in your situation. It does mean respecting your wife's request for divorce, and it's likely what will bring you both the most peace. She deserves to have the freedom to be with someone for her, and you do too.

4. Many many times in infidelity and/or other bad relationship situations, people conflate their feelings and affection for their partner as a sign to continue and repair. This is a HUGE mistake. Feelings are what keep us attached. We can care about someone emotionally and still intellectually recognize and choose to act on doing something better for the situation.

5. People will try to make you feel like you deserve to be alone and shunned and that's not the case. That resolves nothing and only causes more pain for everyone. You DO have a responsibility to choose to do the right things at this time, moving forward, but beating yourself up over your past actions isn't fair and won't bring you the healingy ou need.

The same as you would for anything else that ADHD makes you forget. Set reminders, make sure you have food ready—I've learned that while I *enjoy* cooking, I really don't do it much because it's too much mental work. I tend to cook more in the winter. The rest of the time I eat like a toddler. Sandwiches, snacks, quick-heat things. Whole fruits and veggies, pre-sliced cheese, steamed veggies, firm tofu, etc. Stuff that take very little prep to make, so even if I prep in advance it still doesn't overwhelm me.

I also have to remind myself to eat. Far too often I will have breakfast because my meds work better when I take them with food. Then I won't eat again until dinner. Setting reminders to log my day (I use the Daylio app) isn't a specific reminder *to* eat, but it asks how my day is going - I tend to remember easier and have a better appetite if it's "oh, my phone is asking what I *have* done today, hmm, a salad sounds really good right now."

YMMV, that's how I do it.

Because you have to have the conversation with them about what the fetish is and it's your responsibility not to project it onto them, which isn't difficult at all.

If you don't know how to say "this turns my crank" without them feeling like *they* have to be the one to turn that crank, it is *absolutely* deep-seated fatphobia or at the very least insecurity because you aren't able to be vulnerable. You are not compatible with these people because you cannot be the partner they deserve that is open to them. Somewhere, you still have shame about it—not about being attracted to fat people but the way people would judge *you* for it—and that is definitely rooted in internalized fatphobia. Just as you would be hurt by someone withholding something like that regardless whether or not you'd judge them, you are doing the same.

It's so super gross when an FA comes in here and says something like "This is so hard-wired in me!" as if it isn't for anyone with any other kink on the planet. Like that's literally the point of having fetishes and kinks. I can't tell you how, as an actual fat person, that feels and sounds like coming from others who are not (though your profile doesn't indicate either way so my apologies if I'm mistaken). It reeks a lot of "I can't help myself and I'm not accountable for this" when you definitely are. You are accountable for BEING a good partner, which includes being authentic. This is easier on everyone in the long run, and that way your partners won't feel betrayed or lied to.

No one is forcing you to pursue relationships with people that you know are incompatible at the outset. That's a choice you make. And then you choose to maintain the facade with them. This is a tale as old as time—whether it's the scarcity mindset, the pressure for people to be partnered, or just lack of knowledge about how relationships work (sometimes all of the above!)

If you want to know more about *how* to have the conversation with them, some of what I have here may help you:

loradayton.com/2022/01/26/how-to-have-the-kink-talk-with-your-partner/

What's most important is figuring out what turns you on when it comes to submitting? What gets you into subspace? What about your dom? Go from there.

Here are a few things I have done that have worked well in remote feeding situations:

1) reporting my steps taken throughout the day
2) asking permission to do an activity
3) getting approval for an outfit
4) agreeing on rules/conduct when actively playing and engaging in fun times - this helps keep expectations clear, establish safewords, figuring out boundaries, and creating more fun and dynamic. For example there is one person I've worked with who had a rule that if he asked a certain question, I had to give the same response - it was a way of keeping me in that subspace and it's really effective!

It's REALLY important when doms and subs work together to have a strong idea of what is and isn't okay starting out, and safe communication for when those things change and how to ask for what we need (whether, more, less, or something new entirely). That will point you in the right direction better.