True Story About Me

Chapter 1 - When i was 16

I was always a chubby kid. I graduated high school at 290 pounds. I was a very sheltered since we lived way out in the country, and we were very poor, as I had a single mother. She is one of those people who shows her love through food, and although she was unhappy at how hard it was to find clothes to fit me, and would get exasperated at how fat I was, she would always make sure I ate whatever she put in front of me, and offer seconds. I wanted to be a good kid, so I would always do as I was told and not ask any questions. For as long as I can remember, whenever we were at a church picnic or family function, she would tell me to sit still, be good, and give me something to eat. Unconscious eating was just a byproduct. But I also had the innocence of a child as a teenager because I was used to not asking questions or seeking out what I wanted or liked. I just took whatever I was given and was happy about it.

There was a girl that I was friends with named Kimberly. I have to say the whole thing, as she hated when anyone called her Kim. I can't say that I liked her romantically, since liking girls was a decision, and I didn't make decisions, and I didn't understand subtlety. If you were flirting with me, I would have never known. If she told me we were boyfriend and girlfriend, I would of said 'OK', and then did whatever she told me that meant I had to do.

She was blond, a year ahead of me, very country, and liked to sing and ride horses. I was also a singer, so we were in a show choir together. but the thing I never realized at the time was that Kimberly liked to watch me eat.

There are two incidents that now stick out in my mind.

First, whenever we had after school rehearsal, the music teacher who led us would order pizza for after practice. She would always warn the girls against having too much, since they had to fit into their dance outfits, but wouldn't say anything to the boys. I don't think it was as much that she was sexist as that it is pretty futile telling teenage boys not to eat too much. She would get two slices, but would always say she was full, or that it was too greasy, or that she has going to have dinner with her family later, and give me her second slice. I didn't realize it at the time, but she would always wait until after I had eaten my fill to offer me her unwanted slice.

That on its own wouldn't have ever been enough for me to question her, but at the end of her senior year, at a graduation party of a mutual friend, she brought me a bag of leftover Easter candy, sat it by a table, and told me that she was trying to get rid of it, and that I should eat as much as I liked. I stood by the bowl and diligently went to work on the pile. 20 minutes later, she comes back, inspects the pile of wrappers, pats my belly, and says, "I don't care how fat you get, you can always have anything you want from me."

Being as naïve as I was at the time, and not knowing anything about Feederism yet, I took that as her saying that she was my friend, said thank you, and kept working at the pile of candy until my Mom came to pick me up. After being dance partners for most of the year, I didn't think very much of her touching my belly. I had no idea she "like" liked me or my belly. Today, I kick myself.