chapter 3

I sat and the chair made some weird nose, but it did not give in. We started talking, and I could see their judging eyes on me. I ordered the all you can eat pasta, while as always, they ordered salads, and plain chicken to keep their bodies lean. I ate and ate and ate... the pasta was so good... after the 4th plate one of them asked "what does James think about this?".... What do you mean? I asked. She then started saying "well, about ruining your body in such a way.." I didn't have to answer since all the attention focused on my belly. One of the buttons had given in and so did the 3 more that followed. My belly was now exposed. I new they were ashamed, but to me, it didn't feel that bad. I could see how my eaten was taking me right were I wanted.
The didn't even said a word, they just stand up and left.
When I got home I decided that it was time to get new clothes of James was going to leave me just like my friends had just done. I took that dress off and sat on the couch with my laptop and a box of ice cream. Taking spoon after spoon while checking all over the internet to find clothes that could fit me and looked good. A couple of jeans, some shirts, new underwear, since the only one I had was now hurting my body. A couple of sweats. Two dresses... just everyday clothes to have something to cover myself with. I was so into my shopping, I did not notice the sound of a car pulling into my garage. It was James, he was home earlier since one of the interviews in Guatemala had been canceled due to the weather over there. He opened the door and saw me. I was sitting on the couch, on my underwear, eating ice cream, with my belly full of pasta and ice cream hanging. My love handles looking even bigger from my underwear being way too small. Fat rolls on my back. Cellulite on my legs. It was the perfect image. He stood there, not knowing what to do. I looked at him. And he started crying. It was the first time I had seen him crying.
"Eva, I love you with all my heart, and you know it, but this.. this just too much, I can't handle seeing you like this." He said as he left to our room.
I didn't say a word, I just took a t-shirt and put it on so it would at least cover something. My 200 pound body run up the stairs as fast as it could. I opened the door of our room.
"Hey honey... you okay?" He did not answer " I know I should have explained this to you, but I just didn't know how...So know that I think I do, I am going to try..." I explained everything, how I felt better looking bigger, how bad I felt when I was smaller. How for the first time I was loving food.
"I am in love with you, I fell in love with you as soon as I saw you getting into our class. And I have been falling deeper in love with you ever since then. I can not love you more than I do. You are perfect. You understand me and you see beyond what everybody else. And that's why I love you so much. I love you for who you are and not just how you look. I want you to be happy, and if this is what makes you happy, I will love you anyway." He then kissed me like never before. My mind was all over the place. How could he love me so much? I was so lucky.