chapter 4

She arrived back long after Paul had left work but found Joanne relaxing in the living room.

"Ah, little miss grouchy has returned! How was your stay at Mommy's?" asked Joanne sarcastically

"Shut up Joanne!" shouted Kat "I've had quite enough of you and your obvious plan to split Paul and me up!"

"I have no idea what you're talking about" smirked Joanne

"Oh please! Don't give me that! I'm fed up of your freeloading, work dodging, body shaming, slutty ass!"

"Whoa! You kiss your fiancé with that mouth? Oh no, that's right, the only mouth he's been kissing is mine, we had quite the night after you left"



The last remark only served to further anger Kat.

"That's it! You're getting out of my house right now!"

"Yeah? Why don't you make me?"

"Oh believe you me, I'll make you! I found a spell that'll have you doing exactly what I desire!"

"A spell?! As in magic? Oh my god!" laughed Joanne "If I'd have known that all it took to send you batshit crazy was to kiss Paul then I'd have done it weeks ago!"

"I'm not crazy Joanne. You might be by the end of this though! You're going to be moving out today but don't worry, you'll still see plenty of Paul when I have you running errands for our wedding!"



Joanne simply fixed Kat with a quizzical stare.

"You're really serious about this aren't you?! Man, all that chocolate must be rotting your brain as well as adding inches to your thighs."

"Urgh! That's another thing! It's you that's gonna be self-conscious about your weight after I get you to pig out on fatty foods! I've written a special part to give you unmatched growth!"

"Yeah, okay Kat, can you move? I'm trying to watch this." replied Joanne, gesturing at the TV.

"You should enjoy this last moment of lazing in my living room Joanne" remarked Kat before throwing back her head and raising her arms towards the ceiling.

Joanne looked on in utter bemusement as Kat began reciting the rhyme that she had been repeating in her head during her trip back home.

Finally, coming to the end of her spell, Kat shouted the last words and thrust her arms towards Joanne. Her vision blurred momentarily and she became rather dizzy, staggering backwards she managed to trip and fall over the coffee table behind her. Her actions only eliciting laughter from Joanne.

Regaining her composure Kat spoke with authority, "Now, Joanne, get your lazy ass off my sofa and pack your bags!"



Joanne just continued to laugh at the downed woman.

"Seriously though Kat, why don't you move that chunky ass out of the way of the TV and leave me alone?"

Kat was furious but found herself getting to her feet and retreating to her bedroom.

"I don't understand" she said to herself as she went over the spell again "I said everything correctly, she should be out of my life and on her way to McDonald's by now", eyeing the part she had written for increased appetite and rapid weight gain, her stomach growled as if on cue.



Joanne heard Kat as she started preparing herself something to eat and couldn't resist having another jab at her.

"What are you up to in there? Starting on dinner for all of us? It's the least you can do after running out on your husband to be don't you think? You should want to make him happy or risk losing him. Make sure it's not too fattening though, I have a figure to maintain unlike some people." she laughed but unbeknownst to her, in the kitchen, Kat's focus had shifted from preparing herself a snack to preparing dinner for the three of them, a healthy grilled chicken breast and salad.



When Paul arrived home from work, he was full of apologies to Kat. She however seemed preoccupied, busy preparing the evening meal while snacking on the side. Joanne was cordial with Paul, knowing that he was likely to still be annoyed. They had done nothing the previous evening but Kat didn't know that and Paul didn't know what she had told Kat so she decided to play coy.

"Listen, Joanne, we need to talk about this situation" said Paul as he rested his hand on Kat's shoulder.

"I know, I know but can't we talk over dinner? It'd be a shame to let Kat's hard work go to waste don't you agree Kat?"

Kat muttered a reply in the affirmative not really understanding exactly what was going on. She was still mad at Paul and she hated Joanne, "why the hell was she putting so much effort in to preparing this meal?!" she thought to herself.



As they sat down to eat it was Paul that spoke first.

"So, Joanne, it must come as no surprise to you that things are going to have to change here"

"Yes, I totally agree" replied Joanne, taking Paul aback, "my behaviour has been totally unacceptable, lazing around all day, not putting in the adequate amount of effort to find a job and that's why, to say sorry, from now on I'll be exclusively helping Kat plan the wedding"

"That's not what I was getting at..."

"That's right isn't it, Kat?" interrupted Joanne

"Yes, that's right" replied Kat, not looking up from her food as she spoke.

Now it was Paul's turn to be confused "It is?" he asked Kat. It was Joanne that answered however.

"It's the least I can do after you took me into your home. I'm going to make sure you have the best wedding ever. Now why don't you take Kat out for dessert? Have some alone time without me cramping your style?"

Paul was still nonplussed about what was going on but had to admit he'd like some alone time with his bride to be where he wouldn't be eavesdropped on.

As he helped Kat put on her coat Joanne called out from the table.

"Oh, and Kat, make sure he treats you to the biggest dish on the menu to say sorry for last night"

"I will." replied Kat.