chapter 5

"You got a call," Tanya came to my room and handed me her phone.
Who would call me on Tanya's phone? And this late?

"Hallo," I said. Just like I saw it in the movies.

"Hi," the phone answered.

I waited for something more, but nothing else came.

"For fuck's sake," Tanya said, still standing at the door. "It's Hailey."

"Who?"

"Hailey, from work," answered the phone.

"Oh. Amanda from fifth," I said. It served primarily as a visual clue.

"Who?" The phone sounded really confused.

"I can't listen to this." Tanya grabbed the phone. It's like listening to children. Hey Hailey, he wants to ask you out," she handed me the phone. "And sex afterward," she added.

"No, I don't," I said furiously, staring at Tanya.

“No?” Hailey asked from the phone. But it was the way she said it. It wasn't a disappointment. It was the sound of a broken heart. And I should know something about that. Tanya moved closer and without any warning just slapped my head.

"Ouch," I yelled, "Why did you do that?" But I kind of knew. I was being an ass to a nice girl.

"I didn't do anything," Hailey's thin voice said from the phone.

"Oh my god, someone please kill me," Tanya yanked the phone out of my hand again. "Sorry Hailey, we are having trouble with idiots. Are you free tomorrow at 6 p.m.? Yeah? He really, really wants to meet you, but he's a bit awkward. Yes, I know you are too. So the cafe on 10th. Yes, it's the one with the bakery. Bye Hailey. Yes, I'll tell him." She switched off her phone.

I was staring at Tanya's grinning face, not really understanding what just happened. "How did she get your number?" I asked.

"She didn't. I called her."

"But why?"

"You need a girlfriend. Someone who will listen to your nonsense. It can't be me and the hell it can't be Emma. Now get geared up, Emma feels hungry."

She lowered her voice and moved a step towards me, "She is so close to 400 and I am so fucking turned on, I can barely stand."
She grabbed my hand, placed it on her left boob, and squeezed it as if I were squeezing her breast. "See? So take a quick shower, grab the two cakes from the fridge and come to our room."

I wasn't sure what all this boob grabbing was supposed to prove. Tanya's breasts were round and firm, but they were nowhere close to Emma's fat watermelons. I was getting hard.

Tanya let go of my hand and leaned over and literally licked my face like a dog. "I am so fucking horny, I'll let you fuck me however you want, even standing on my head, upside down."
Her hand went to my crotch as she tried to grab my dick. When she realized I was already semi, she raised her eyebrows in approval. Of course, my dick immediately responded, even more, traitor. She grinned, patted me on the shoulder, and ran from the room, slapping herself on the butt as she turned the corner.

“Wait,” I yelled, “What did Hailey want me to know?”

“What?” Tanya’s blond head appeared back at the door frame. “That she can't wait or she wants to be fucked and have millions of your awkward children or something like that, I don't give a damn. Now quickly to the shower.” She flashed me from the door and disappeared.

“She sounded nice,” I said to the empty door.

“For fuck sake!” I heard Tanya’s voice.

Perhaps I do need a girlfriend. Someone who won't be so crazy. I want someone I can walk in the park with, hold her hand, look into her eyes, buy her flowers, ice cream, cakes, and lots and lots of pastries.