Chapter 1 - when a feedee dips a toe into the deep end

You've always had this feeling for as long as you can remember. You fought it, trying to live a 'normal' life so you could blend in with those around you. Yet, though you repress it, that feeling always comes back, stronger and stronger. But, for now, It's a fantasy for you, that's all. It's never going to be more than that, you tell yourself. Maybe you even convince yourself for a time that you'll never act on it beyond the few scattered sessions of self-pleasure you allow yourself. Yet nothing else ever feels as good as this feeling.

You didn't mean to gain weight that first time. For most of your life, you've managed an average weight. No one knows about your little secret, and only a few times do you slip up, stuffing yourself until it hurts to get that feeling you love. Yet the side effect of those binges shows up subtly on your figure. Clothes get a little tight, and you jiggle slightly more. Yet, it's not that noticeable, and you tell yourself you can lose the weight easily. Still, you spend hours grabbing at the new softness and admiring yourself in the mirror. You imagine what your body will look like with more. But that's just a fantasy. You're never going to let it get out of control.

It's hard to stop justifying these overindulgences. It feels too good to stop. You stuff yourself secretly in your room. No one can know about your secret. No one will understand. Yet as you allow yourself more of these moments that make you feel so good, the weight continues to climb. You've never been chubby before, but one day you look in the mirror and can't deny what you've let happen to yourself. Fifty pounds is a lot of weight to gain, but it's not the point of no return. You get scared of your fantasies, seeing themselves manifesting on your body. This wasn't supposed to get to this point, but you've let it happen. You react.

Dieting and working out to lose weight sucks. You push those tempting thoughts far away as you diligently work to get a body back that you think everyone would rather see. You're not sure if you're doing it for yourself or them, but you do it all the same. Being seen as a chubby girl wasn't something you were used to, and it was too foreign for you to live out. You don't want people to look at you and know indulging and growing turns you on. It's easier to run from judgment, so you do, and you lose weight. You turn your back on your feelings. You turn your back on your fetish.

For a while, maybe, after all the hard work, you maintain your normal weight again. You blend back in. You pretend you're 'normal', and the feeling you've had for as long as you remember can be shut out of your life and controlled. Yet pleasure never feels as good as it did back when you were stuffing yourself and growing. Nothing ever fills that void. No amount of vanilla sex sates your need. As much as you try to repress it, those feelings come back, this time stronger than before. They beg you to reconsider and indulge again. It felt so good the last time.. so why not? You slip up once, binge eating and greeting that familiar pleasure like an old friend. You allow yourself to fantasize again and stuff yourself a few more times. Bit by bit, your fetish takes over again.

The weight gain comes on much faster than before. It seems like returning to your peak weight happens twice as quickly as the last time. You're chubby again in the blink of an eye, but you don't stop at chubby this time. You keep going. You're enjoying yourself too much to care about the consequences. You still think you're in control and can stop this whenever you want. You push your limits more than the last time, trying new things that you were too timid to try before. All of your masturbation rituals start to involve food and gluttony.

When you cross 200 pounds, it startles you. You never thought you'd ever be this big. You never imagined you'd be fat. It was always a fantasy, but the reflection in the mirror doesn't lie. Yet, you can't help yourself. It feels too good to be this big. You don't want to admit it at the time, but you'll never be under 200 pounds again. While this should have been the point to turn back around, you keep going forward, wanting to try more. This fetish has made you greedy for pleasure and gluttonous for the feeling you've always had that attracts you to feedism. That feeling grows stronger.

You've never met up with a feeder before. You've talked with them online, sending them pictures of your belly and fatter body, but you've never taken the step of letting one into your life. Instead, you've intentionally avoided them, opting for more vanilla boyfriends and one-night stands. You know the consequences of meeting with one will incur irreversible damage to your widening figure, but you do it anyway. Whatever ambitions you've had for your growing body, the feeder wants more. They push you beyond the limits you'd previously hit, enabling your greedy habits and strongest desires. Your feeder openly discusses growing you to a size you've only fantasied about. However, it's naive of you to think that your new feeder's words don't have pure intentions behind them.

You let your feeder push you to 250 pounds. You feel huge. You never thought you'd be this big, but you've let yourself grow to a size you used to imagine being as you touched yourself 100 pounds ago. You and your feeder can't keep your hands off your softer body. The more space you take up, the better that feeling you've always had gets. Having so much fat on your body turns you on, making you horny from simple things like moving and walking. Every jiggle is foreplay, and every bite of food is practically heavy petting. Food and sex are now irreversibly wired as the same in your head.

Though you'd previously set lower weight limits for yourself, you let yourself cross 300 pounds. You've gone from fat to huge, new rolls, folds, and soft fat taking over and turning you into a complete ***. Your friends and family are concerned that you've over doubled your weight. At first, they thought it was just relationship chub. Everyone goes through it. Yet, you kept growing, outgrowing the clothes you had once designated as your fat clothes. Though you share the worry of those around you, the complete and utter descent into hedonism is too powerful to turn your back on. Your feeder encourages the base feedee urges you used to repress before becoming fat. Though some would see your feeder as a bad influence, you know all he's doing is bringing out your true self for all to see.

Since you've let yourself get so fat, you can't hide it anymore. No more oversized sweatshirts can hide the fact that you're a full-fledged fatty. Fast food restaurant workers recognize your and your regular orders. People treat you differently than they did before, as if you lack the impulse control and willpower that they do. Sometimes you hear comments you weren't supposed to hear about your size, what you're wearing, and how out of shape you look. Though these comments are embarrassing to hear, you grow to like them. The more you listen to those teasing comments you weren't supposed to hear, the more you grow to love them. It's acknowledging what you've let yourself and your feeder do to your body. You know when people see you, the first thing they think is F-A-T. It's a new identity you're getting more and more used to. An identity you used to run away from but now feel helpless and too far gone to turn back from. You ask your feeder to tease you more when he's feeding you, reminding you of what you used to be and what you are now. You want your feeder to point out every roll, fold, and bulge of fat on your body and call you names as he feeds and fucks you. Nothing makes you cum harder.

Your eyes betray your words when you tell your feeder you don't want to get any bigger. It's not the truth, but you feel like it's what you need to say. You've already gotten bigger than you ever thought you'd get. Maybe it's time to slow down. However, actions speak louder than words, and you find yourself doubling down on the habits you thought you'd tone down. Once again, trying to repress them only makes them come on stronger. You try to be sneaky, raiding the fridge late at night, driving to get fast food without telling your feeder, having a secret stash of junk food in your top drawer. But your feeder catches on to what you've been doing, and you know he will not stop you. You've shown him that you've completely lost control, and you're never going back. That line you've drawn in the sand around your weight limit gets erased and drawn again further up the scale.

You're not quite sure when it happened, but you crossed into the SSBBW threshold. Instead of fretting when the scale told you that you crossed over 400 pounds, your feeder rewarded you with a celebratory cake. You'd never felt hotter in your entire life. You've gotten faster at eating and can take so much more food in one sitting. You love leaning into the gluttony, abandoning the civility of eating with manors. It's everything you can do to coax your feeder into calling you by your favorite teasing name. Piggy. You're not sure why that word makes you so wet when he calls you that, but it feels so right.

Though the person looking at you in the mirror is hardly recognizable, it's you. You've let yourself turn into a complete tub of lard. Though you never in a million years thought those playful little fantasies you had when you were skinnier would become a reality.. they did. Yet, you're so glad they did. Your life has turned into a life of insurmountable pleasure and excess. Sex and food are the pillars of your life. Your feeder has no plans to let you stop being the feedee pig you've turned into. It turns you on that everyone else can finally see that this is the true person you've always been underneath. All because you dipped that first toe in and flirted with this fetish.