chapter 1 - where i went down the chimney

I walked into the restaurant and bit my lip. No matter how many times we did this, it didn’t get any easier. Something about walking into any restaurant when you were the size of a cow drew eyes. It was like everyone there wanted to ask if I *really* needed another meal when I was this big.

But I did. I really did. My growling stomach was reminding me how much I did, in fact.

And so I began waddling towards the host, feeling my cheeks get the same color as the ridiculous outfit Ari somehow convinced me to wear.

“You’ll look adorable,” she had said.

“I’ll look insane,” I had countered.

“I promise I’ll make it worth your while,” she said, her fingers toying with me over my clothes, running over the place where my legs met. “Besides, I’ll be dressed up too.”

“That’s completely different.”

But I lost the argument, as I always did with Ari. Though I can’t say I really mind when I do.

As I reached the host stand, the thin man in his red vest and black slacks looked up. He didn’t even try to hide his gawking as his eyes widened and face went a little pale.

I felt my head dip a little in embarrassment. I never seemed to get used to the way people looked at me. But a 400-plus pound woman was pretty shocking.

“Hi,” I said curtly, blushing a little. “I was told you got free dessert if you came dressed as Santa?”

“Yeah… yeah that’s the deal,” the host said, eyes finally looking at my pupils.

I blushed as red as my suit, feeling like all it was doing was highlighting my body, just how big it was. At this point, I was bigger than the mall Santas I saw out this year, I even thought my hips might get stuck in some of the arm chairs they sat in. Ari had had to let the suit out a little when the extra-extra-large came and proved unable to handle my massive gut.

I was continuously amazed at what I’d do for that woman.

“Right this way, then, ma’am.” The host grabbed a menu and started heading into the restaurant. I tried to suck in as he wove easily through tables, but I stuck out too much on either side no matter what I did and found myself hitting chairs and having to apologize when those chairs held people.

I took notice that only a few dad-types also dressed up for the special, clearly doing it to entertain their kids.

Maybe I was hypersensitive, but it felt like nearly every table glanced my way. Though, how could they not? My suit was so bright red and my body so round, I’d be more impressed if someone missed my entrance.

Finally, we made it through the restaurant and I saw to my horror I was being offered a booth.

“Uh,” I started.

“Is this ok?”

“Maybe a table?”

“Sorry, at this time we only have booths. Would you like to wait?”

I sighed. At least Ari would love this.

“No, it’s ok.” I walked up to the wide bench and leaned down. I squeezed in, my belly was empty yet it was already touching the table. I sighed as I realized the table was bolted to the ground so I couldn’t even scoot it forward to get a little more space.

“Your waitress will be right with you.”

I nodded as the host handed me my menu and took off. I perused through it, knowing I didn’t really have to choose anything, but I couldn’t help but eagerly look over what kinds of meals they had.

No one as big as me could deny they didn’t love thinking about what food they might get to eat next.

“Welcome to Dumphry’s, how are you today?”

“I hate you.”

“Oh you most certainly do NOT hate me.”

I mustered up the biggest salty look I could and turned my head to find Ari standing over me with a wide smirk on her face.

She was dressed in the cute little costume the place had all waitresses wear this time of year; a short skirt and shirt that bore a small slip of her midriff and showed off her chest. Both were fuzzy and red with white piping. She looked like Mrs. Clause heading out on her bachelorette party before being tied down for life.

“I can’t believe a family place dresses you like that.”

“Gets the dads to come in,” she winked. “I told you, it’s a great gig. Best tips all year. I only work the month of December yet it puts gas in my bike for months after.”

“I don’t know why you felt the need to rope me into it,” I said, making a face.

“You’re adorable when you pout.”

I just scowled.

“I’ll take this,” Ari grabbed my menu. “You just sit back and let me take care of you. I have quite the feast lined up.”

“Ari,” I whispered. “Don’t overdo it, though, maybe? I already got looks walking in…”

“Meg, you’re near four times my weight. You get looks walking into any place public at this point.”

I just blushed deeper.

Ari patted my cheek. “Don’t worry, you’ll love this.”

Then she was off.

In no time, she was back, placing down a plate stacked with mozzarella sticks and another with potato skins piled high with sour cream, cheese, bacon bits, and more.

“That’s all?” I hissed.

“I can bring more if you’d like.”

“NO! No, that’s fine,” I mumbled. But I had to admit, it all smelled amazing. I quickly grabbed a mozzarella stick and dipped it in the little bowl of marinara sauce that came with it, picking up a potato skin to have next. I bit into the stick and moaned a little as the cheese melted on my tongue and the sauce exploded against my taste buds.

“Ok,” I said through the mouthful. “I admit it’s good.”

“Of course it is. I know how to take care of you.” Ari winked. “You polish those off and I’ll be back soon with the next course.”

When Ari first met me, these sides would have been a whole meal. H*ll, I might not have even been able to finish both plates before giving up. But these days, the term starter was more accurate than ever.

I worked through them easily, dipping another stick in sauce as I downed the first potato skin in two bites. I was so used to eating like this, it didn’t take long for me to fall into a rhythm. Bite after bite flowed into me easily. Ari brought me a soda and I would take large gulps to help everything go down. Perhaps a few years ago I would have been horrified with how quickly I cleared those plates, but these days I was just warming up.

“I think you’ve gotten faster recently,” Ari said as she filled my glass once again.

“My girlfriend gives me lots of practice.”

“How do you keep your girlish figure eating the way you do?”

“Good genes, I guess.”

“Speaking of, we should pick you up new jeans on the way home tonight. I think you’re about to pop the button on the last pair I got you.”

I blushed, uncomfortably moving around in my seat, eyeing the other tables to be sure no one heard.

“Stop teasing.”

“Never.”