chapter 3

With Ann staying at the house now, I'm sure to be inflated even more quickly than before; You might suspect that Steph and Ann are tag teaming me.

Breakfast has just stretched, as I struggle to finish the most incredible biscuits and gravy, into Brunch (the pancakes that preceded the B&G are being replaced with French Toast and quiche has replaced the eggs and sausage [real men don't eat quiche? Nevertheless, feedees eat everything]) and brunch is about to turn into lunch; lunch is coming too soon. I'm having a hard time breathing- my sides hurt! If I don't get a break, I may just split. "Steph, I really need a break. I can hardly breathe." "OK, tubby" she replies, "off to bed! Besides, we need time to get ready".

If you've ever watched a very pregnant woman try to heave herself out of a chair you might have an idea of the struggle I was about to undertake. With mush deliberation, I was able to get this beach ball belly of mine to cooperate and finally stood up. I'm used to waddling to some degree but this was a whole new experience as I tried to ungulate the beach ball from side to side in something that resembled walking. Making it to the bed, I wasted no time in plopping myself down and passing out in a food drunken stupor.

I have no idea what time it is, as Steph begins shaking me gently awake- "come on, get up lazy butt. Its time for lunch" opening my eyes and gaining my senses, the aroma of Italian fills my senses. Still heavy from this morning, my belly grumbles as it announces it's desire for more (I'm becoming a slave to it).

Waddling into the kitchen, I am greeted by a mountain range of pastas: spaghetti, fettuccine alfredo, and manicotti beckoning me in. Apparently, I had a worried look upon my brow as both women reassured me I could manage devouring the Matterhorn before me with a double order of "EAT". (No reason to go into great detail as I am sure your imagination can find more vivid ways than I can relay but suffices to say, I made one hell of dent.)

Engorged doesn't even begin to define me as I lay on the couch unable to move and here comes Ann, every the grad student looking for her next A, with a Italian crème cake. As she places it in from of me on the tray, I notice Steph flashing a seductively wicked grin at me from the kitchen doorway. Quickly she approaches and fits a massive plastic bib (Lobster lover's style) around my neck. She sucks my earlobe and whispers, "we're feeding you". WOW WTF!!!!!!!!!! Before I can utter a word, the spoon heaped in cake is stuffed into my mouth. I chew and swallow; another arrives. Repeat, repeat, repeat.....I'm going to pop as another disturbingly good spoonful is stuffed in me.

In my food induced coma, I hear Steph tell Ann to bring another but of what I have no idea. I'm on auto-pilot without willpower as I open chew and swallow only find the sequence repeated. I must be sweating now as Steph just brought a glass to my lips and begins to poor the cool liquid down but just enough and then it begins again: open, chew, swallow, and repeat........soooo full......but sooooo goood.......ffffeeeeeellllllllll my self pppassssiinnnnggggggggggg ooooooout.