chapter 1

“Pumpkin spice season bitches!” The shrill exclamation was met with a chorus of whoops and cheers from the assembled gaggle of plastic posers with their designer handbags and bottle blonde hair, it was enough to make you vomit.

At least these were the thoughts of one Dr Preigh who rolled his eyes at the intrusion. He had just wanted to grab a quick, quiet coffee before returning back to his laboratory but here he was, suffering these airheaded bimbos who only seemed that much more detestable because they were broadcasting their love for his most hated of fads – pumpkin spice.

Oh, how Dr Preigh hated pumpkin spice, he’d never been a fan of pumpkins in general, finding their odor rancid. He’d never liked the act of carving a pumpkin for Halloween and would gag at the thought of eating pumpkin pie at Thanksgiving, he much preferred the sweet taste of cranberry sauce, if there was one Thanksgiving staple that deserved to be everywhere then it should be cranberry, not damned pumpkin!

As if pumpkin spiced lattes weren’t enough, the entire country seemed to have gone mad with making anything they could think of with a stupid pumpkin spice twist. Twinkies, Pringles, Peeps even fast food restaurants would put a pumpkin flavor spin on their most popular items. The item that had broken the good doctor though had been pumpkin spiced dog shampoo! But no-one would be talking about pumpkin spiced anything next year if the doctor had his way.



The doctor continued to sip on his tea as he identified the loudest and most brash of the group of women – a girl by the name of Cindy by all accounts. She was a leggy blonde, garbed in high dollar jeans and a sweater, she would be perfect.

He quickly retreated to his van and positioned it to where he could see the entrance to the coffee shop, waiting for his chosen victim to leave. As luck would have it, bad luck for Cindy, she happened to leave the establishment before the rest of her friends and started walking down the street. The doctor quickly relocated his van to just a few blocks down the street, giving himself ample time to prepare a fast-acting sedative for poor Cindy, she had no time to react as the sprightly doctor leapt from the side door of his van, plunging the syringe into her arm. No-one batted an eyelid as he then bundled her into the van and sped off with the most crucial part of his latest experiment in tow.