Chapter 1 - friday

The holiday weekend was expected to be sunny but I knew I'd be staying indoors. My heart was broken and my body felt empty, but heavy at the same time. Jordan and I had been dating for six years. It was supposed to be our anniversary that very Sunday. The last thing I was expecting was for him to break up with me in a text. "I'm sorry, I'm in love with someone else." And then I was blocked.
How. Could. He?!
My mind raced as I drove home from work in the clouded light of dusk. The fluorescent Golden Arches of McDonald's glowed against the darkening sky and I suddenly remembered I hadn't eaten since breakfast. I pulled up into the drive thru and could hardly hear my own voice as I ordered a list of my favorite comfort items-- a large fries, twenty nuggets, two cheeseburgers, a spicy mcchicken, a Big Mac, and a Oreo mcdlurry, large orange pop..."is that all for you miss?"
I sighed, and thought about the long night ahead. "I'll take a box of cookies too."
"Alright that'll be $45.37 at the window."
Holy shit. I was momentarily snapped back into reality as I pulled out the money to pay for the ridiculous amount of food I'd just ordered. The young, pimple-faced boy at the counter handed me the several bags with a huge grin on his face. "That sure is a lot of food for such a small gal! You must be picking up dinner for your whole family." I chuckled, somewhat embarrassed.
"Heh, of course." As fast as I could, I drove myself and my feast to my apartment.

I didn't even bother taking off my work clothes, with the exception of my shoes, before sinking into the big overstuffed loveseat in front of my television, setting the food on my coffee table. Thank goodness I'd trusted my gut and never allowed Jordan to move in. I opened my first bag of food and removed two boxes 10 nuggets, a large fry, and lots of sauces. Mindlessly, I scrolled through the newest shows on Netflix when I saw one that a coworker had recommended to me, but Jordan thought it would be boring. Somewhat in spite of him, I tuned in.

The first episode was far more intriguing than I'd expected. The main character reminded me of myself—lost after a recent breakup, trying to find a new direction in life, succumbing to guilty pleasures...A droplet of cool, melted McFlurry dripped onto my chest, sneaking it's way past the buttons of my blouse and toward my bra. Quickly, I unsnapped the blouse and pulled it off, along with my bra.

As my breasts fell, they felt cool against my warm stomach and I felt a sense of relief I didn't realize I was craving. I took the plastic lid foff if the nearly empty McFlurry and lifted the cup to my lips, drinking the last of the melted treat. The theme song of the show was playing and I was sucked in now-- to the story and the mindless consistency of eating everything in front of me.

After the McFlurry, I was craving salty again. I opened another bag, retrieving more sandwiches than I remembered ordering. As I unwrapped the first, a cheeseburger, I felt the button on my skirt pressing into my stomach. I leaned back and tried to slip my finger between my skirt and my skin to loosen it, but it felt too tight. I'd gained a couple of pounds recently, but this skirt had gone up easily that morning. Finally, I got it undone. There was a red circular imprint on my belly where the button had been.

I took a deep breath and realized for the first time how full I was. I put the sandwich down, but by the start of theme song of the third episode, there was only one sandwich left in the bag. I reached for my soda and felt that the cup was light--nearly empty. I sucked the last of the pop through the straw and immediately a large belch escaped from between my lips.
"Ooh." There was a gurgle from deep in my gut and I placed my hand oh my stomach, cautiously looking down. It was more bloated than I'd seen it in a while—since my first Thanksgiving back home after my first semester at university. My cousin and I, long time competitors, decided to see who could eat the most plates. She'd won, and I'd never forgotten the warmth between my legs as we laid on the couch rubbing our swollen bellies. After a few minutes of intermittently laughing and moaning from the pleasure and pain of it all, she'd pushed herself up from the couch with a grunt. Moments later, she returned with two plates. "All or nothing?" She asked me with a huge grin spread across her plump face. I took the plate from her, and that time, I won. I felt full for days afterward.

As I rubbed my distended gut in my arm chair, my new favorite show played on. Despite my fullness, there was something about the empty paper bags and crumpled, greasy sandwich wrappers scattered across the table in front of me that began to tempt me all
over again.. In the back of my mind I knew I was just trying to numb my sadness, but it felt so good.
In my stuffed daze, I remembered the box of cookies and realized I'd left it in the car. Cradling my belly, I paused the show and eased my way out of my arm chair.
Standing, I could feel the weight of the greasy fast food packed into my stomach. I stretched arms above my head, arching my back. I've always been naturally thin, but at that moment, tummy told a different story. The skin of my abdomen was taught and pulsed as blood rushed into it, making me lightheaded.
I knew I would never be able to get my skirt and button blouse back on, so I walked into my room to get a pair of sweats and a sweater.
As I bent over to pull the drawer out of my dresser, I caught a glimpse of myself in the full-length mirror on the adjacent wall. My belly hung in that position, almost making me look like I was in the beginning stages of pregnancy. Equal parts ashamed and turned on by my reflection, I quickly turned my attention back to getting dressed. Before I left the room, I caught another glimpse of myself in that mirror. Even through my oversized sweatshirt, a small bulge of my belly could be seen, slightly poking through.
I hoped I wouldn't see anybody in the distance between the parking lot at my apartment complex and my front door. Unfortunately, I wasn't so lucky. My neighbor Cheyenne called out to me from down the hall, groceries in hand, just as I was opening my front door. "Hey honey! What are you doing tomorrow afternoon?"
"Um..." I couldn't think of anything quick enough.
"Great! Come over around noon. Some girlfriends and I are having a potluck! I'm making frozen cocktails." She lowered her voice to a loud whisper, "And you and I are lucky. We don't have to drive anywhere so we can get wasted!" At this, Cheyenne threw her head back and laughed before disappearing into her apartment. I trudged into my own, sinking back into my chair with the cookies in my lap.
I pressed play on the tv show and began to munch away at the cookies. The main character had gained a new love interest, but was still stuck on her ex. She gossiped at a brunch with her friends and I was reminded of Cheyenne's potluck. I figured it might be nice to be surrounded by some fellow women...and the food and alcohol would definitely be a bonus.
Before I knew it, the episode was finished and so was my box of cookies. I was halfway through the first season, but my stomach was all the way stuffed. My sweats felt so much more comfortable than my work clothes, and even more comfortable than sitting in just my underwear. The soft cotton gently moved across my skin, making me tingle. I slowly lifted the bottom of my sweatshirt up to get a good look at my belly.
It was so full that it extended past my breasts, which were slightly lifted as a result of being pushed up by the bloated gut below them. My nipples were stiff and as I caressed my belly, I slowly began to migrate my movements toward them, gently fingering the tips. My tummy gurgled and I let out an involuntary belch, followed by a moan. It was time to lay down.
I somehow managed to put myself to bed, after a lot of tossing and turning and rubbing a very achy, very full, binged-out belly.
I could only hope that I'd be able to control myself at the potluck the following afternoon. Maybe I'd be too full to indulge?