Chapter 1- The Send Off

The weather was nice in Connecticut this past week, plenty of sunshine and a comfortable heat. Ryan Marshall looked out the bay window of his family’s cottage with a sad feeling in his chest. He was leaving for Africa with his Peace Corps division in a couple of days and here he was sitting inside the house while his parents and siblings splashed around in the lake. His sister had looked sad when he said he had things to do in response to her invitation to go swimming with them. He couldn’t bring himself to go out there though. It wasn’t that he couldn’t swim, or was afraid of the water and the creatures inside, but he was terrified of the judgment that would immediately ensue.

His father was a military Captain and didn’t let anyone in the family easily forget it. Ryan, in hopes of making his father proud of him went to join the army, but was nowhere close to meeting the physical requirements and thus did not pass the fitness test. Standing at 6’3 and weighing 270 lbs, Ryan was not the image of health. His father signed him up for a gym, but when no results came of it he gave up trying to make something of his son. With no girlfriend to speak of or effort to better himself, his father could find little to be proud of his son for. Joining the Peace Corps, to his father, seemed to be a cop out for not getting into the military, however, he was at least proud that his son was doing something in the world. So, whenever Ryan brought up the Corps his father listened and asked as many questions as he could readily think of. His father always seemed to inquire about Sarah, the “nice girl” from his Division. Ryan always said she already had a boyfriend, which was true most of the time, but never shared that she had already turned him down.

Ryan trotted up the stairs to his bedroom. He pulled his swimsuit out of the wooden drawers, stripped, and slipped it on. He looked into the big mirror and shrugged. His eyes washed over his round middle that hung slightly and his curved sides that, if he continued to gain weight, would easily become love handles. His chest wasn’t too bad. Working out prevented the extra weight on his chest from sagging. And his arms and legs just looked thick. He actually did go to the gym when his father signed him up. The technicality was he only worked on the weight machines because he attempted to do cardio and got winded embarrassingly soon after he started. He had played football all throughout high school, giving him decent muscle mass. He stared harder at himself, trying to see what his father would see: fat, lazy, no-good-son. He looked away. Then he thought about what Allison thought. He was just a big brother to her. Even though he was now 18 and she was 7, they were very close. She looked up to him and his size seemed to be the least of her worries. Was he really going to let her down over something so little? He sighed and put his clothes back on. His size was one of his biggest personal worries. He walked back down the stairs, defeated, and sat down in the sun room with his Peace Corps hand book, thinking he sucked every minute.

The rest of the family came into the house with thunderous laughter. Allison struggled from her older sister, who was 15, Lisa’s grip. She ran from room to room searching for Ryan. She found him in the sun room sleeping with a book resting beside him. She tip-toed over to him and hopped on his lap. “Rahhhh.” Ryan shot up, alarmed. Allison sat there soaking wet and giggling. “Wake up sleepy head,” she said. She asked why he never came out to swim and Ryan again reinforced his ‘things to do’ excuse. She frowned and the guilt came creeping back like a murderer to the scene of the crime. His own insecurities should not affect her like they did.

“Hey you know what we can do?” he said, getting her excited.

“What!”

“We can go night swimming,” he whispered.

“What’s that?” she said also whispering now.

“We go out when it’s dark out and go swimming. Just us. Ok?”

“Yeah!” Ryan put a finger to his lips.

“It has to be a secret though. Ok?”

“Ok”, she whispered. She reached out and gave him a big hug. “Are you going to be gone a long time Ryan?”

“Not too long. I’ll be back before you know it.”

“You’re going to find your princess there Ryan. Your very own Princess Tiana. Mommy said your princess is out there. I hope she’s right. I don’t like seeing you sad. You should be happy like Jeremy. He has a princess. Why shouldn’t you?” Jeremy was 16 and preparing himself for the Marines in two years, making their father proud.

The siblings all got along well. Jeremy looked up to Ryan, and so did the others.
They all shared the same father, Jackson Kane. Ryan’s mother, Karen Marshall had divorced his father when Ryan was still a baby. He lived with her until she died of Cancer when he was 11. Already a chubby kid, the loss did not help his weight go down. He went to live with his father and easily got along with Jeremy, Lisa, and their mother Judy. She was a very nice lady and treated Ryan as if he was her own child, fully understanding Ryan‘s wish to call her Judy. That year Allison was born; the family was completed. They went on family trips and vacations and it was never made obvious that Ryan was only a half-brother, other than the stories that started with “before Ryan got here”, which he didn’t mind.

Ryan went to bed that night slightly damp from his swim and his mood significantly improved with making his sister happy. He pondering the possibility of him actually meeting someone in Africa. They could be with one of the Divisions they were meeting there. Then he remembered what Allison had said. Did she really think he could find a spark with one of the locals? It was insanely against the rules for members to have relations with the local men and women. He shook his head. As if they’d want to.

***

Judy scurried around the house, trying to make the surprise party perfect for her stepson. She was going to miss having him around. The two would usually talk in the morning while the others were still asleep and her husband had already left for work. He was incredibly funny and charming and had great morals. She thought it was a pity that girls couldn’t look past his round shape to see that he was a great guy. She thoroughly hoped that he would find someone during his trip. The way her husband pushed him around broke her heart, though she would never stand up to him, and the fact that Ryan couldn’t find love only seemed to prove her husband’s harsh words. She decided to throw him a party and invite his high school friends to the cottage. He was leaving tomorrow afternoon and she wanted his last day to be enjoyable. She pulled the vanilla cake out of the oven and let it cool on the table. Allison came running into the kitchen with her nose in the air.

“What are you making Mommy?”

“I’m baking a cake for Ryan’s party.” Allison scrunched her face up.

“Daddy said Ryan wasn’t allowed to have cake. It makes him sick.” Judy looked horrified.

“Sweety, is your brother allergic?” Lisa walked in shaking her head.

“No, he’s not allergic.” Lisa cupped her hands over Allison’s ears and proceeded, “Dad told her he’d get sick because she wanted to make him a cake for his graduation. Dad didn’t want Ryan to have it.” She removed her hands from her sister’s head.

“Oh, he’s too hard on him,” Judy said, disappointed in her husband. “Will he be furious if I make one?” Lisa shrugged.
“You already did. And I mean it’s not like he’ll be eating much in Africa.”

“Lisa,” Judy scolded. Lisa put her hands in the air. “Well I want his going away party to be special. What kind of frosting does he like? I bought so many different kinds. I just didn’t know.” Allison looked at the selection.

“Hmmmm. He likes pink,” she said smiling.

“No, you like pink,” Lisa said shaking her head. “Ryan likes chocolate frosting Mom.”

“Thank you, Lisa,” she said, playfully staring down Allison. “How about you go blow up some balloons girls. Jeremy’s out getting the pizzas and people should be showing up soon.” The girls walked out the room and Judy frosted the cake with a bright smile on her face.

Ryan walked away from a group of his friends he was talking to, moving to another. He was trying to say goodbyes without making the girls cry and his friends nostalgic. Six months didn’t seem so long on paper, but when it actually came to leaving he was seeing the time period for what it was. At the end of the party Ryan thanked Judy for all she did and went in for a hug without thinking about it. Judy was caught off guard, but was happy that they had reached that stage. Ryan stepped out to the porch to see the quite road at night one more time. He noticed that a car was still in front of the cottage. He looked around and slowly walked up to it. His friend Heather sat in the front seat looking at the dashboard, eyes glazed with tears. She looked up at him in the window and began bawling. She swung open the door and wrapped her arms around him.

“I’m going to miss you Ryan. A lot!” He patted her back.

“I’m coming back in six months Heath. Don’t worry.”

“Some don’t come back!” she shouted, pulling back.

“It’s not Iraq,” he said, feeling a tinge of pain knowing he would have been there if he was in better shape. “I’m only going to Africa. Teach some kids. Dig some holes for irrigation. Bring food and water to villages. I’m not in danger. And if I was; they give us a gun.”

“Don’t let it change you. Ok?”

“I’ll come back the same. You know other than being tan and possibly 20 bls less.” Heather laughed.

“Have fun ok?”

“Yea,” he said putting his hands in his pockets. She got back into her car and pulled off with a little wave. Ryan went back inside. He walked into the kitchen and sat down with Judy who was eating a piece of cake. She smiled up at him.

“Are you excited to go,” she said cutting him a slice.

“I’m going to miss everyone. But, yea I’m excited. I’ve never really done anything this big.”

“I hope you find whatever you are looking for,” she said, getting up and slowly going up stairs. He put another forkful in his mouth and thought about that. Was he looking for something? He never really knew why he was going all the way to Africa. If he wanted to help the world he could have done something little. Donate blood. Pick up Garbage. Volunteer at a nursing home. But no, he was going to Africa. He finished the cake, put the dish in the sink, and went to his room. By this time in two days he’d be in the sweltering heat wrapped in a mosquito net.