chapter 1

The Path Most Travelled

COLLEGE

When I started College I had it going on. I was a pretty brunette with olive skin, brown eyes and a tight body. I weighed 125 lbs and my body was lean and toned from years of playing tennis competitively. I wasn't quite good enough to play in college though, so that was the end of my athletic career.

As a freshman and sophomore, I emphasized fitness. I would run, do crunches and squats regularly. I actually think I worked out even more then than I did when I played tennis. Not surprisingly, my fitness regiment kept me lean despite college parties.

My first semester Junior year I studied in Venice. It was beautiful and a ton of fun. I toured Italy, sampled food and met new people. However, Venice was not conducive to running or really any exercise; so, I fell out of my routine while I was there. Still, thanks to smaller Italian portion, I came home quite trim.

Unfortunately for me, when I returned home I returned to American food and portions, but not my prior exercise regimen. I rationalized that I only had a little time left in college so now it was time to let loose. Partying and eating with little concern of the consequences I put on 30 lbs over the next year and a half. I was embarrassed about my weight, I bought fat pants and a C-cup, and I rationalized that it was only temporary. Still, I hated the feeling of my thicker thighs, heavier ass and and overall softness. The only thing I really liked was how my boob looked, but even they we're kind of annoying.

YOUNG PROFESSIONAL

When I graduated, I got a job as an analyst with an e-comm company in Boston. If you're familiar with Boston, you know it's got a vibrant running community, which I quickly became a part of. With my renewed passion for exercise, I got serious about losing weight. I lost almost all of what I'd gained in college and slimmed down 135. Within 10 lbs of my 125 lb pre-college weight. Pretty respectable for 5'6.

The next 2 years we're great. I was fit, was promoted from analyst to associate manager, and I met a guy at work. Jake was good looking, passionate and brilliant. He and I encouraged each other to be ambitious and adventurous. We'd hike, travel together, and try new things together. Then he got into Stanford Law. I was super excited for him. We continued to date long distance for the next 6 months, but then started to drift apart.

I was kind of depressed around this time, so I started looking to make some changes. I landed a job as a e-comm manager for a large retailer in Minneapolis. I took the job and moved.
The culture of my company in Minneapolis was totally different than what I'd grown used to in Boston. First, it was a much bigger company and not centered around e-comm. I wasn't in the most exciting part of the business the way I was in Boston; so, I guess it should've been expected that I wouldn't be surrounded by the highest achievers or most type-A people in the company. Acheivers or not though, my team in Minny was a butt load of fun and really easy to get along with. We'd go out and grab drinks after work all the time or take 2 hour-long lunches. My social life started to interfere with my running, then the Minny winter ended my running completely. I didn't mind though my new life was so much more laid back.

The following September, I started to get serious with this guy from shipping & logistics, Dean. Dean was 29 and a big football player type guy. He'd played for the Golden Gophers a few years ago and had stayed in pretty good shape for a D-end. He was 6'5 and 280 lbs of mostly muscle. From a combined lack of exercise and occasional binge diet, I'd put on about 10 lbs during my 12 months in Chicago, but dean still made me feel tiny which I liked.

Dating Dean, I started to get a warped sense of normal eating. I put on another 10 lbs over the next 6 months, my gain slowed. I was 25 and back in my fat pants from college. Dean never said anything about my weight though. Maybe it was because he was fit but not trim himself, or maybe he was just nice about it.

ENGAGEMENT

After dating for a years, dean and I got engaged. I went back to Boston around then to celebrate with some of my old friends and make wedding plans with my Maid of Honor Andrea. I was up to 165 by then, and I was looking pretty chubby. My arms had no tone in them, my thighs and ass we're busting out of my jeans and I had the smallest hint of a pot belly. I could tell the ones who hadn't seen me in a while we're judging me hard, but I didn't let that get to me too much. Then I ran into Jake down in Cambridge and I was mortified. He looked as good as ever and had a blonde trophy on his arm. Even worse, they were both super nice. The trophy didn't even glance at my potbelly, fat ass or bother with any catty remarks. She just gushed over my ring. I hated her and felt like a cow. I resolved to lose weight for the wedding.

When I got home I told Dean we we're making a joint resolution lose weight and get married looking like models. He had no say in the matter, not that he disagreed. To make it happen Dean started playing flag football in addition to his regular weight training and I hit the gym for crunches, squats and whatever I could do that wasn't cardio. I was in no sort of shape for cardio.

By June, Dean had trimmed down to 6'5 230 and he was shredded. He totally lived up to his end of the bargain. I'd managed to lose 15 lbs as well, and I was pretty happy with myself. I may not have looked like a model the way I wanted on my wedding day, but I did have a brunette Marylyn Monroe bombshell kind of look going on. I was happy enough, and totally exhausted from my months of self-discipline.

MARAIGE

After the wedding, I relaxed. I didn't drop my gym membership since Dean and I we're doing fine financially. I just stopped going regularly and stopped paying attention to what I ate. Around Dean, not watching what I ate was a big mistake though, especially now that he was playing flag football. He literally ate like it was his job just to maintain. If I ate half what he did it was too much. Needless to say, the weight started come back fast. By January I'd reached 185 lbs. I'd both started to think of myself as a fat girl and maintained a state of denial at the same time. I can't explain how it worked, but it was bad for my waste line.

The following June Andrea got engaged. So, I plopped my fat ass in a plane seat with my thighs pressing on each arm rest, my no longer so little potbelly resting on my thighs, a diet coke in one pudgy hand and a burger in the other and headed back to Boston. Boston was a ton of fun as always, and I had a great time with Andrea. My old friend Deb was a huge bitch when she got a few drinks in her though and asked me who weight more now? Dean or me. Of course I told her dean thank you very much, but I had to double check when I got home. I was 215. I'd gained 70 lbs in a year and was almost as big as my monster athlete husband. I freaked out and hired a trainer.

With the support of my trainer, I managed to lose 45 lbs over the next year. By Andrea's wedding I was down to an extra-curvy 170 lbs. Not where I wanted to be at 30, but a helluva a lot easier to deal with than being 29 and 215. But then I got pregnant.

PREGNANCY

During my pregnancy I gained 25 lbs right back. I didn't look how I wanted to, but given my history of weight struggles, I was pretty happy with this result. And after a month I even started working with my trainer again and dropped 10 more lbs by the end of my 6 maternity leave. I felt like I had my life and my weight under control, and I quit my job. Dean and I had decided to have another kid, and he had moved pretty high up in the operations department, so I was going to run point when it came to raising the kids. This time, it was twins.