Chapter 3 - three

The pair made their way to the library, all the while Jess pondered her bad luck. "Of all the people to run into it had to be her, god where is Luc?!."

The two finally arrived into the library, after numerous snack breaks along the way. As they sat down at a long mahogany table Jess's panic began to return, in the main hall she at least had the crowd to provide a distraction. But here, in this empty room surrounded by aged books, it was just the two of them.

Mrs. Voigt made the first move. "I'm sorry but I haven't had a real meal all day, I'm going to ask the help for a plate. Would you like anything?"

Jess stumbled, she had never ordered around a private staff before. "I'm not that hungry, just water for me."

"Nonsense! Don't tell me you're going on a diet now!" Mrs. Voigt exclaimed, frantically typing away at her I-phone. "I just ordered you a pasta dish, I'm sure you'll love it."

"Oh, thank you very much, Mrs. -"

"Please, call me Carmen," she said with a dismissive wave. "And I'm sorry but I never caught your name."

"Oh, I'm Jess, Jess Andrada." Jess replied, hoping her nervousness didn't' show. "I came with Luc Henrissaint, I'm his wife."

"Oh, Luc! What a wonderful young man, you're a very lucky girl." Carmen said with knowing smile.

"Thank you very much, I agree." Jess smiled, a familiar pang of anxiety welling within her.

"I don't mean to get your hopes up but Andreas has been talking about whom to promote this season and I'm sure Luc will get the bid. Andreas loves that boy like a son!"

"Wonderful..." Jess's smile faltered, jealousy and fear began to creep in. The gap between her and Luc was slowly growing larger and larger. "Ugh, what does he even see in me? I don't even like me!"

"But enough about the men! What do you do? You seem like a creative."

For whatever reason Jess felt that Carmen was sincerely interested in her career, or lack thereof. She didn't detect any hints of judgment that usually accompanied such questions in New York. "I'm a writer, I've been working on a manuscript for a while."

"I knew it! What's the book about if you don't mind me asking? You seem like the thoughtful type so I'm guessing it's about politics."

"Close, actually. It's about Gaspara Stampa, she was a poet during the early days of the Renaissance. I'm writing about how she used the Petrarchan style to critic gender norms in her time and ... I'm sorry I must be boring you."

"No, please continue! I'm intrigued. It's nice to meet a woman at one of these parties who talks about something other than taxes or fashion!"

Before Jess could launch into the complete history of Stampa, their food had arrived. Two caterers, or perhaps butlers, presented them their meal. Carmen was served a plate piled high with crab legs, easily weighing over a pound. And the pasta dish that was ordered was a veritable brick of pesto lasagna, about the size of a jewel box. Jess was going to comment about the size of the order but given the way Carmen was tearing into her meal, she thought it would be rude.

As the night continued Jess and Carmen had a rousing conversation about renaissance era poetry, from Petrarch to Lorenzo de Medici and everything in-between. It was the first time in a long time that Jess was able to flex her academic muscles, something she deeply desired. But more importantly, she was happy that she was in a position of authority for once. That someone of Carmen's stature was asking her questions and not the other way around. Jess was so enthralled that she didn't notice that she had easily polished off the mountain of lasagna and a second helping as well. She also didn't realize that she had demolished a generous helping of black forest gateau that had been presented for dessert.
"This has been a fascinating discussion, I haven't been this mentally stimulated in months."

"I agree, this has been a lot of fun. Thank you for patronizing me." Jess giggled.

"Don't undercut yourself like that, I'm just thankful you were willing to educate me," Carmen replied, stifling a belch. "I can't wait to read your book whenever it's finished. Do you have an estimate for when it will be done?"

"Well ... I ... uh..." The topic of actually writing had killed Jess's high, all her anxieties sinking in their claws and dragging her back to earth.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I should know better than to bring up due dates with a writer! I'm very sorry."

"No, it's no problem. I really do to need to finish it ... I ..." Jess looked at Carmen and felt the urge, to tell the truth. Perhaps it was her motherly aura, gentle features, or the wine but for whatever reason Jess felt safe enough to unload her baggage. "Actually, I've been trying to write it for years now. I barely have anything to show for it, less than 50 pages..."

"Oh honey, that's not a problem. These things take time, besides most people never even start."

"I know but ..." A rush of emotions flooded Jess's senses, years of frustration being released all at once. "I don't really have an excuse. I'm not working, or volunteering, or going to school. I just sit on my butt all day and spend Luc's money."

"Oh, honey..." Carmen replied, reaching across the table to hold Jess's hand. "Don't say that. I'm certain that's not true."

"I know... but it feels like it is." Jess mumbled, struggling to fight back tears. "It's just Luc is all grown up and I still feel like I just graduated. I shouldn't be jealous of my husband, but I am."

"Jess, you're not giving yourself enough credit. You're smart, kind, and genuine. Never underestimate the value of the good company." Carmen cooed, patting Jess on the arm.

"I'm just ... just afraid one day Luc's gonna leave me for a girl who actually has her shit together, instead of just funding my sad little life," Jess whispered, tears freely flowing. "Like I never could have bought this dress on my own or get into this type of party. I'm just riding off of his coat tails."

Carmen got out of her seat, with some difficulty, and waddled over to a now sobbing Jess. Carmen enveloped the small girl in a hug only a mother could give. "I understand, honey. I used to feel the same way when I was your age."

"R-really?"

&qu ot; Oh god yes. After I married Andreas I felt aimless. I didn't have to work or go to school, I didn't have to do anything if I didn't feel like it. When everything in life is optional, it's hard to work up the motivation to do anything. Eventually, I woke up and realized I had just lazed about for three years. It's a tough lesson to learn."

Jess could only nod and sink deeper into Carmen.

"It's not the same problem as yours, I never dreamed of anything as ambitious as writing a book, but it's similar. You have this one big goal with no real measurements for success. When completion is the only benchmark, even modest progress feels insufficient."

The truth in Carmen's words hurt, but she was relieved nonetheless to know that someone understood. "So what did you do?"

"I started cooking! It might seem silly but I made a goal for myself that I would make a new meal every day. Looking for recipes, sourcing ingredients, and tasting dishes. It gave a concrete goal to shoot for, something I could say I accomplished. Eventually, that developed into a hobby, which turned into a fairly popular blog."

"Did it work?" Jess asked, wiping away the remaining tears.

"What do you think?" Carmen replied with a smile, patting her prodigious belly. "Give me your email address and I'll send a list of recipes I've found over the years. Some easy some hard, just something to do."
"Thank you so much, Carmen!" Jess said, throwing her arms around her once more. "I can't tell you how much this meant to me."

"No problem honey," Carmen replied, returning the hug. "Now let's return to the party. We've been gone for hours and I'm sure our husbands have noticed by now."

Carmen and Jess returned to the festivities. It was well past midnight and most of the crowd had dispersed. All that remained were Andreas and his inner circle, which now included Luc.

"Honey! Where have you been?" Andreas exclaimed in mock indignation, pulling his bloated partner in for a hug. "I was just about to call a search team."

"No need for that, love." Carmen giggled, kissing the German's cheek. "I wouldn't make it far on foot anyways."

"Where were you two? You must have wandered off hours ago?" Luc asked, his brow furrowed.

"Oh, I just showed her the house, made small talk. Typical girl stuff, you wouldn't be interested." Carmen replied dismissively.

"Well now that my wife has returned, I'm ready to call it a night." Andreas declared, shaking hands with his remaining colleagues. "The wife and I will have to clean the place up before we can turn in."

"You mean the help have to clean up?" Carmen asked with a sly smile. "Right dear?"

"I supervise," Andreas shrugged.

And with that, the party was over. Luc and Jess stumbled out into the night, Jess clutching Luc to remain upright. Now that she was free from Carmen's gluttonous gravity the magnitude of her indulgence weighed heavy.

"Ugh.... I ate way too much tonight." Jess groaned, patting her engorged stomach. "What was I thinking?"

"Awwww, did you upset your little tummy?" Luc cooed as he patted her swollen middle. "Let's get you home, you need rest."

"Agreed." Jess yawned, already drifting off to sleep. She was awoken by a sharp buzz. It was her phone, she had received an email.

"Who's calling at this hour?" Luc wondered as he pulled the car out of the driveway.

"Oh nobody, just spam," Jess replied as she studied the message.

True to her word Carmen had sent her a list of recipes, the list stretched on for dozens and dozens of pages.

"Looks like I'm making risotto tomorrow."