Chapter 1- A Regular

Janessa’s entire mind became transfixed on the figure upon his entry to the cookie shop. She stood behind the counter in her pink polo and black bike shorts, feeling like a snack. Her visor encircled a plump bouquet of juicy curls. She had been zoning out, trying to think about what to prioritize when she got off of work, as it was a generally slow night at the Crumbl Cookie. A gaggle of sorority girls laughed and took selfies as they waited for the box her coworker was putting together. She was not sure what about the guy was pulling her eyes so dramatically to him. She was just relieved he couldn’t be mad at her for it, since he was walking up to her to put in an order. She guessed he was in his early twenties. Almost everyone in the college town was. He almost looked familiar to her, but she found the tall white boys with backward snapbacks and Salmon shorts all seemed to blend together. No Shade. To this guy’s credit, his shorts were dark gray. He was a pretty big guy too. Not your typical frisbee bro shape. But he didn’t look like he lacked athleticism. Not that she was there to shop for a man. She was taking a break from boys. Too much drama and bullshit. She rolled her eyes, sending memories of her *** ex boyfriend to the void they snuck out of.

“Welcome to Crumbl Cookie. What can I get you,” she said, averting her eyes to the ipad.

“I’ll just do one of each in the 6 pack,” he said. She punched it in and when she went to take his credit card, she saw him staring at her a little harder than she expected. He was a tall guy, and as a short girl at a solid 5’ 3”, she was a bit taken aback. He was even bigger than she had thought. Maybe he thought her chest looked as delicious as she thought it did before she left for work that afternoon. Guys tended to sneak their peeks on the daily at the job. She thought the pink did not help. She didn’t necessarily mind the attention, as a break from dating didn’t mean a break on wanting to be desired. She wouldn’t put it past this guy. Janessa knew she was cute. And nobody could convince her she wasn’t. She spoke her black girl magic affirmations in the mirror everyday, and she found every word more true. It seemed to annoy the people from her hometown, but she was on her way up and out and that was it. Getting the job on campus where the pay was better and parents would tip on the weekends when they visited their kids was a tactical choice she had made at the beginning of the semester.

She started putting the assorted box together and had to wait for two of the cookies to come out the oven. She tried to look busy, restocking ingredients. As she poured red white and blue sprinkles into a glass jar, she could see him scrolling on his phone. She noticed his stomach showing through his shirt and couldn’t imagine how he walked out thinking the shirt fit. Every curve of him was visible. She almost rolled her eyes thinking about it, but saw his eyes flash at her suddenly and they held her gaze. What kind of aquamarine color was that? He awkwardly looked away, making Janessa stop her task to take the cookies out, even though they were a few seconds early. She put the cookies into the box, sealed it with the sticker, and slid it across the counter to him. She looked up at him to take a dip in those pools for eyes one more time. They linked to hers and she felt strangely frozen.

“Thanks. Have a good one,” he said, adjusting his snap back and grabbing the box.

“Yea, you too,” she muttered, almost confused. He walked out and the store was empty.
“Ay yo Nessa, you good?” Brianna looked over at her coworker concerned. “Did that dude say something slick?”

“Nah. He’s good. I don’t know. He had some crazy colored eyes. You ain’t see them,” she said. Brianna shrugged.

“I wasn’t staring at him like you was.” Brianna gave her a suggestive look.

“Do not do it, Bri. I already told you. I am not here to get laid up with some rich Damhurst boy. I’m here for the doctorate.”

“Okay girl. You seemed like you took a long drink from that glass, is all.”

“Well it was a bit to drink, don’t you think,” she said, with a little attitude to help get her off her back.

“You not lying,” Bri cackled. She didn’t like something about how hard she was laughing, even if she herself had started it. She let it go, because it was a nothing level issue. By the end of the shift she and Bri were cracking jokes and laughing. They were a great pair for the Tuesday close shift. By the time Nessa had completely destressed from the day, showered and hair wrapped up for the night. She lay in her single dorm, scrolling through social media. She found herself thinking of the big guy from the store earlier. That shirt really was way too tight. How could she not look at all that? But then she couldn’t stop thinking about it. It was so strange to her. She started wondering if he was going to eat all those cookies by himself. She didn’t know how someone could. But that is the image she had in her mind until she fell asleep.

***

Janessa managed to stop thinking about her obsession by her first class the following day. Life had a way of sweeping her up like a wave. During the school year she worked and went to class, maybe a party on the weekend, after she closed on Saturdays, the busiest day. She had worked exactly a week before she even thought of him again. It was the usual slow Tuesday, and when she looked up at the bell ringing, he was filling the doorway, his head reaching the 6’ 1” marker on the frame. It was an uneventful visit, where he ordered one of each again. She couldn’t help but make a little bit of eye contact with the guy, Declan, she’d learned from his card. She could not have given him a more pretentious sounding name. He was still testing his shirts, and she wondered if he was oblivious or purposefully displaying himself so unflatteringly. She thought it must be obscene as she could not take her eyes from his round body. Bri had noticed his eyes this time and had to admit they were captivating, though she noted he was far too chubby for her taste.

When she saw him the following Tuesday, she could not help but think he looked like he was getting fatter than when she had first seen him. Was building a routine at the store that detrimental to one’s waistline? She figured maybe if you literally ate every one. Maybe he came multiple times a week. She didn’t work every day. But, if he had a standing appointment with the cookie shop, she figured he was probably not a health nut when not at the store. She couldn’t help but feel she was adding to his poor eating choices, but it was his choice. She just worked there. But it was nagging her. It made her feel so weird with how persistent she thought about it. She would start thinking about him and then have to get distracted to not just review the snapshots of his body. It was like she was doing a study on him. But why? His double chin caught her eye and she felt something else bubbling inside her and as it was about to dawn onto her, Declan cleared his throat.

“Sorry. Hi. You want a 6 pack?” Nessa said, hovering her hand over the ipad, glancing up into his eyes. They were something else. Swear. He smiled at her knowing his order, and she felt the corner of her mouth turn up too.

“Uh, yes. That would be great. I guess I’m kind of a predictable regular, huh,” he said, looking a little ashamed. Janessa felt a weird pang in her chest. She didn’t want him to feel bad. Maybe she wanted to keep seeing those eyes.

“You ain’t got the Crumbl Card?” she asked him a little aggressively, maybe flirty?

“What’s that?” His smile revealed strong and glistening teeth. Nessa always appreciated a nice smile and was happy to have turned his expression around.

“You definitely need it,” she said, snatching one and hurrying to explain the reward system, hoping he wasn’t taking offense to her comment. “Every six cookies purchased gets you two stamps.” She proceeded to stamp his card six times. She figured since she knew he purchased the previous sixers, he should get the credit. “Look at that. Halfway there.” Bri, who had been watching the exchange and had started making the order, chimed in.

“Maybe you owe her a drink when you get your free box.” Nessa whipped around to her, giving her a stare down. She heard Declan laugh nervously, like Bri was making fun of him. Was she?

“Ignore that clowney ass fool,” she said, sucking her teeth. “Sorry I shouldn’t be cussing.” She took his card and processed his order.

“Don’t worry. I’m no snitch,” he said, with a goofy smile.

“I’m gonna pretend you didn’t,” she laughed.

“That’s sweet of you,” he said, flashing those teeth at her again. He even had adorable plump lips, nothing extreme, but noticeable. His strong chin was doing its best to keep the soft one pushed back. “I like your braids,” he said as he took his card back. Nessa smiled at him.

“That’s very sweet of you.” She mirrored him. She didn’t even think white boys knew what they were looking at when they saw her hair. She looked into his eyes and felt something gnawing at her. He didn’t walk over to the wall to sit on his phone like he had the last two times. He held her gaze.

“So I do know you from somewhere,” he stated. Nessa felt relieved, but had really wanted to figure it out before he recognized their familiarity.

“I wasn’t sure. But you do look vaguely familiar. You aren’t from Greens Valley are you?”

“I am. I know I blend in well as a Damhurst fuck boy.” She leaned over and saw he was wearing a pair of crisp sneakers, and smiled.

“Okay Declan,” she hooted. “Maybe you are from the Val. Why don’t I remember that name? I would remember the name at least?”

“I think I was a year above you. I played on the football team. They called me Lando,” Declan laid out his evidence of existence at her high school. She turned her face up and looked at Bri, who she had only just met at Damhurst, and couldn’t offer any support, aside being next to her in a matching fit.

“Nah. That dude was-,” Nessa stopped herself, putting her finger to her lips.

“Not this fat?” Declan offered, sighing knowingly. He chuckled a little.

“I didn’t say that,” she said sternly. But she knew damn well she all but did. “But I just didn’t make that connection. You do look a little different. You were mad popular. Why do you even remember me? I minded my business.” She turned the conversation on him to divert the attention from her instance of rudeness. He was blushing. Now that she could place him, he did look like Lando from high school. He was just much heavier. He used to be a highly sought-after piece of ass, not necessarily by her and her group of friends, but lots of people. He had sported a man bun ahead of the trend in their school. He still looked like he wore his hair longer under his hat.

“I just noticed you. You were on the drill team right?” She smiled at him, holding back being as flattered as she was. “You were so small. I mean you haven’t really changed at all.” Him mentioning her size only made him seem larger. They stayed looking at each other. Bri cleared her throat.

“Hate to break up the reunion, but here are your cookies,” she said, staring at the two of them, baffled, as Declan took the box without looking from Nessa.

“See you around, Janessa,” he said, with a wink.

“See you Tuesday,” she said. He blushed and walked out. Janessa turned to Bri, already rolling her eyes, anticipating her coworkers reaction.

“Am I imagining things? Did I smoke crack this morning? Or was you just flirting with that chubby blue eyed boy.” Bri put her hands on her thick hips, demanding an answer.

“Shit. I don’t know. Wasn’t that what you was trying to do?” Maybe she had just been teasing them.

“Well damn Nessa. I could go in,” she said, jumping up, getting excited. “I’ll pour a whole mop bucket on you to get your shirt all wet. We can let him back to help. Lock the closet.” Nessa stared at the girl crazily.

“Stop that mess of a fantasy, girl.” Bri rolled her eyes, but smiled. She was in a relationship and seemed to be excited by the chance to play with Nessa’s love prospects, especially after committing to her dry spell. “Don’t do nothing extra. We just know each other, and barely at that.” She grabbed a rag and started wiping her counter.

“And he’s got them gorgeous eyes. And you're addicted to them.”

“They are nice,” Nessa let herself admit. There was a pause in the conversation.

“But you see how fat he looked?” Janessa stiffened. Bri seemed so tuned into those details, just less…favorably than Nessa.

“I hardly noticed,” she lied.

“You will notice next time. Just you wait.”

***

She had seen him another time, since figuring out who he was. He was not absent from his unofficial date with the shop on Tuesdays. He hung around the counter chatting with her about mutual friends they had, which was more than she expected. He had more interests than just football. He had been in the photography club, which is where he knew one of her close-ish friends. Janessa couldn’t not notice how he’d looked like he’d gained more weight. It wasn’t drastic, but he just looked bigger, especially in his belly.

The Tuesday after that is when she noticed he was wearing something more size appropriate. He looked big still, but not as explicitly. His curves were concealed, which she guessed wasn’t inherently better, but he just looked so tight in the smaller shirts. “New shirt?” she had asked, hoping it wasn’t too directly pointing out his gain. He leaned up against the counter, in his becoming a usual place.

“It is. Look okay?” he asked, with a half smile that drove Nessa a little crazy. She wasn’t going to concede to complimenting him, so she offered an offhand shrug. He smiled, thinking he was going to get her to finally admit she liked him. They had been very subtly flirting, but neither committing. It had been driving Bri out of her mind to witness, but she tried to butt out.

“Just fits you better.” She felt comfortable saying whatever to him, now that they were in the ‘old friends’ category. He seemed to accept it as a compliment. She prepared his six pack without asking him for his order. She couldn’t stop herself from thinking about how he’d gone up a size. What size was he in now? Maybe a 2x. She wasn’t great with sizes. But her ex, Tahj, had been very athletic and wore a large. Declan was much fluffier and taller too. She walked over with the box, trying to dissipate the thoughts. “Gimme your card,” she said, mock annoyed.

“Oh yea. I’m one visit away,” he casually celebrated.

“Wonder when that will be,” she said smugly.

“As you should,” he said, deviously. He gave an up-nod and made his way out. Janessa’s hand went to her chest watching him walk by the storefront window. He looked back up at the last second and stopped a microsecond to smile at her. “Shit!” she exclaimed.

Brianna looked at her astutely, over her fresh nails. “Nessa. You like that white boy. You like him bad. I did not know you liked white boys. I certainly didn’t think you liked fat boys.” Janessa wanted to say something smart back, but she had been holding her breath since he looked at her and she was suddenly gasping. Bri looked at her, feeling more than confident in her assessment. The truth was she had never even looked at a guy who looked like Declan in that way before. Yet she could not deny that she was beyond curious about him. She was crushing pretty hard, if she was honest. But what was she gonna do? Ask him out? Not a chance. That level of rejection would send her right back to her swearing off dating game. She had found in school there was a hesitance in boys who weren’t black to date a girl who was. They might have flirted with a girl, but would not commit. She couldn’t remember who he had dated in school, but did remember him having a diverse group of friends. It was a pretty diverse city school. She would date outside her race, but up until her hiatus, she chose dates from those who asked, all of which had been other black men. And she admittedly only said yes to those with fit bodies. That made it all the more confusing why she felt so strongly for Declan. How was he making big look so sexy?

“Bri,” Nessa sighed. “I think I’ma have to attempt to snatch him up,” she said, perplexed.

“You have doubts that you can? I see how he’s looking at you. Like he can eat you up in one bite,” she said animated. Did he really?

“Well, I’ll be looking extra fine for Tuesday. I can tell you that.”

“Fuck it up, Ness.”
***