Chapter 1

Ever since I graduated, my mom has been insisting I find a ‘man’. Little does she know that I’m not interested in men, my eyes are drawn solely to the feminine. It seems every day now she tries to set me up with a boyfriend when I’m trying to get a good job. I love her but I’m an adult and I need my space. We were never a wealthy family so I have to work my way out of here, for some reason even though I look like an Italian model I can’t seem to find decent work. Ever since Dad died, I’ve been the center of her universe. This means I get way too much attention and not enough me time, the stress has been getting to me. I know she means well but I’m my own person and I can’t be her ‘little girl’ anymore. The stress isn’t good for her either, I didn’t want to say it but Mom’s been packing on the pounds from eating her problems.

Apparently, she wants me to eat her problems too. She makes way too much spaghetti and is trying to pass it off to me. I told her I don’t want to get fat but she always tells me ‘men love a womanly figure’. It’s not like her cooking isn’t good but I didn’t want to look for a chubby chaser, finding a girlfriend was hard enough. I would’ve told her that I’m a lesbian but she’s from the ‘Old Country’ so wouldn’t understand. It’s not like she’s prejudiced but she’s dead set on having grandchildren. It’d break her heart if she found out that was never going to happen so I’ve kept it to myself, though she wonders why her ‘gorgeous daughter’ doesn’t have boys flocking to me in droves. She has this delusion that I’m ‘too skinny’ and that’s why I don’t have a boyfriend. I know she’s been trying to get me to eat more but I just don’t have the appetite. She cooks well but I get too full after only a couple bites.

With my crappy job at Walmart, I spend the whole day dealing with the worst kinds of people in the country so I’m exhausted when I come home most days. I don’t even have time or energy to look for better work, so I don’t see myself leaving anytime soon. The realization that I’m giving my best years to a place like that has gotten me really depressed. I just wanted a sexy and assertive babe to sweep me off my feet but it felt like that was all a fantasy. My mom noticed how down I was and tried to cheer me up the only way she knew: food. She probably thought I was sad that I didn’t have a man so she whipped up something new.

One night after an especially shitty day, Mom cooked me up a small bowl of spaghetti bolognese. She usually made me a whole portion but this time it was less than half the normal amount, I was too out of it and upset to care. I noticed she was waiting in the kitchen to see if I liked it. I thought it was a little suspicious but it was just pasta, what could she have possibly done to it? I took the first bite and I was shocked at how good it was, the sauce and meat were so rich. The second bite confirmed that I wasn’t hallucinating, the rest of the bowl disappeared quickly. I didn’t want to admit it but I wanted more.

“Mom… can I have another bowl?” I asked diminutively.

“Of course!” She was excited. “How much?”

“The same amount you gave me.” I thought that would be it but the more I had the more I wanted. “Can I have another?” I was embarrassed but I didn’t care.

She gave me a knowing smile. “Sure thing dear.”

I practically shoved the whole thing in my mouth, it was just so delicious. I couldn’t believe that I actually wanted more, I felt full but my appetite didn’t listen. I didn’t even have to ask, this time Mom gave me a whole portion. This time for sure I thought I’d be finished but I craved even more. “Hey Mom… is it okay if I had another bowl?”

She looked proud of herself. “I guess you like my cooking after all, here you go sweetheart. It’s our old family recipe, you’ll learn it when you have little ones.”

I was only half-listening. “Yeah, why is it so good?” I started scarfing down my third portion.

“It’s a secret, but if you must know it’s a special spice that has been passed down the generations from mother to daughter. Your nonna taught me how to make this after your papa passed, it’s something to lift the spirit.”

I finished once again then leaned back in my chair, my stomach jutted out compared to my toned tummy. If I wasn’t so damn full I’d ask for more, at that point I think I’d feel sick and throw up. “It’s really good, why don’t you make it more often? Why am I only having some now?”

She gave a solid pat to her big belly. “Because it’s too good, it helped me feel better but when I realized I’ve doubled in size I knew I needed to stop. For you though, I figured you could use a pick-me-up. I’m glad it worked.”

Now I know how she got so fat, I don’t know why she didn’t give it to me sooner if she wanted me to gain weight. “Well don’t be afraid to make it every now and again, it’ll need it some days. Now I’m gonna lay down, I’m suddenly pretty tired.”

“It’ll do that to you, go ahead and get your well deserved rest. I’ll make you some breakfast before you head to work.”

*Yawn* “Sounds good, goodnight Mamma.”