Chapter 1 - motion thickness / chapter one

Jake had never seen her outside school before. So he didn’t know that she liked to wear clingy, tight clothing that would never have been allowed past the school gates. Or that she was talkative, friendly, and open when she wasn’t under the scrutiny of older girls, cooler girls, and stern teachers.


Or that she was a lightweight.


“You look like you could use some water.” He said, as she slowly, carefully went to take a seat, and missed.


Laughter erupted from both of them. It was a little after midnight and they were easily a few beers in. She pulled herself up, her petite body stretching up in interesting ways to sit her ass on the seat with the least amount of effort.


“I’m okay.” She said, brushing dirt off her jean shorts. She didn’t seem embarrassed. “I’m just gonna sit for a while.”


The party was huge, almost everyone in their graduating year had shown up, but they were in one of the far corners, by the glass balcony overlooking Hollywood Hills. The twinkling lights and occasional sirens were far better company than the kegstands and beer pong that Jake had had to pretend he liked for the last four years. ‘Not anymore, I guess’, he thought with satisfaction.


“It’s pretty loud.” Jake commented, not because he thought it was worth saying, but just because he


“You can’t hear me?” She asked.


“No, I can hear you.” Jake said, nodding to the crowds of their classmates on the other side of the pool. “I just mean, I like it better over here.”


“Yeah.” She agreed. “You’re Chris, right?”


“Jake.” He corrected, with a small, surprised smile.


“Oh my God, yeah! Jake! No, I knew that.” She laughed freely and buried her head in the hands. “You’re super popular too, I know your face, you probably think it’s so weird that I didn’t know your name.”


“Of course not.” Jake said, although he did. “It’s a big school.”


“Okay.” She grinned sheepishly, pushing the hair out of her face. He definitely recognized her, although wasn't sure if he'd ever known her name. Still, she had pretty green eyes and long red hair, with the lightest splash of freckles across her light skin. Her slim, petite body was currently being hugged by a tight white halter and extremely short denim cutoffs, and that made Jake want to talk to her.


He threw out a guess. “And you’re… Bia… Meli…”


“Am…” She coaxed. “...bbber..?”


“Amber!” Jake said, laughing triumphantly. “See? I know you.”


“Whatever. You don’t have to pretend.” Amber looked wistfully out over the glittering hills. “No one knows me yet.”


He followed her gaze. “You wanna be a star?”


“Yeah, I guess so.” Amber said with a big smile. “What about you?”


“Hold on,” Jake said, clamming up “You first.”


“I just told you.” She frowned.


Jake laughed. “Being a “star” isn’t a career path. What do you actually want to do after graduation?”


“I haven’t figured that out yet.” Amber admitted with a small smile. “Something that’ll get me noticed. Now you go.”


Jake heaved a sigh. “Nah, mine’s embarrassing.”


Amber’s eyes got wide. “Okay now you have to tell me!”


Jake grinned, running a hand over his face. Whatever. He was drunk. “Okay, but you gotta tell me something embarrassing about you, too.”


“I already told you what I want to do!” Amber protested.


“That’s normal.” Jake said. “Everyone here wants to be famous. You have to tell me something else, that’s actually embarrassing.”


Amber’s jaw tightened a little. “Fine.”


Jake looked down, holding the grin on his face and tossing his beer bottle from one hand to the other. “I wanna be an engineer.” He admitted.


“That’s not embarrassing!” Amber gasped, lighting up. “You don’t wanna play football? Or be a rapper?”


“I know that’s what everybody here thinks, but no.” Jake shook his head, snorting out a laugh at his own expense. “I just wanna build things, using the principles of science and mathematics.”


“You don’t have to be ashamed of that.” Amber encouraged. “That’s cool.”


“It’s nerdy as fuck, is what it is.” Jake said firmly. “This better not get around. Not that I’m planning on seeing any of these clowns after tonight, anyway.” He looked at her. “Now you go.”


Amber paused, and he sipped at his beer, giving her a moment to come up with a secret of her own that could compare.


“I wanna gain weight.” She said after a long, slow breath.


Jake looked back in surprise. She was pretty skinny. Maybe too skinny by some standards. She was sort of flat, not a lot of curves. Skin and bone wasn’t hot anymore, almost every guy Jake knew liked a thick girl who at least had some booty. He nodded, hesitantly in agreement.


“I mean, I don’t ever want to comment on a fine lady’s appearance, but you could afford to gain some.” He said, feeling bold from the alcohol and from her open presence. “Little in the trunk, if I may say so. Little up front. You’d look good.”


“Oh, I don’t mean a little.” Amber said, a bit more enthusiastically than her first admission. “I don’t wanna be a thick girl. I wanna be a fat girl.”


Jake’s face froze, willing all the blood to stay evenly distributed throughout his body. ‘I wanna be a fat girl’. The words rang in his ears and he had one of those rare feelings that they would ring in his ears for the rest of his life. He carefully arranged his features into a mask of neutral interest.


“Uh, really?” He asked, looking at her then looking away. “What do you mean by f-f-fat? Like, chubby? Real curvy?”


She shook her head, speaking slowly but with excitement, as if she was describing a dream house she’d had planned out for years. “No I mean like biiig. I mean like, belly. Big hips, like wide. Rolls down my sides. My face, I guess, would be real plump, like big double chin here.” She used her slender hands to indicate a huge roll hanging beneath her slim face. Talking about it, for a moment, seemed to drop all her inhibitions. “Like if I’m being honest, I wanna gain at least a hundred and fifty, two hundred pounds.”


Jake’s mouth fell open.


She laughed. “Like at least.”


Jake said nothing. He couldn’t believe the conversation he was having. His mind buzzed with excitement, but just in case this was all a joke, he simply nodded, not meeting her eyes.


Then the mood changed. His lack of encouragement seemed to suck the air right out of her, and within a split second she was panicking, scared that she had revealed too much.


Before Jake could say anything, Amber forced a quick laugh, clearly trying for a light tone to cover her nervousness. “Is that weird?”


Jake joined her nervous laughter with some of his own, and looked away, back across the pool so that hopefully she wouldn’t see the gleam of excitement in his eyes. “It’s a little weird, yeah.” He said, then clocked the coldness of the comment. It could be a conversation-ender with this girl who had just cracked open a box of his most secret fantasies. He forced himself to look back into her eyes. “But I think it’s pretty cool that you wanna do your own thing. Nothing wrong with a big girl, anyway.”


“Well, you’ve never dated a big girl.” She said, not really accusing. Just stating.


It was true. “Well, um… not that many big girls here in L.A.” He said.


“Yeah, true.” She said, looking around the party, all the skinny, rich, impossibly beautiful high school grads who were about to be unleashed into the world. “Doesn’t seem like it.”


They were quiet for a moment. Jake wanted to keep talking about this, but was afraid of coming across as too eager. Before he had a chance to keep the conversation going, Amber suddenly groaned, like she had just watched the last five minutes on repeat, and sank her head into her hands. “Oh my God, I can’t believe I just… I feel really embarrassed.” She said. “I shouldn’t have said all that. I’m sorry.”


“No, no no!” Jake rushed out, scrambling to comfort her. “That’s what graduation parties are about, right? Letting go of everything that you’ve held inside for the past four years?”


She bit her lip, looking away off the balcony and over the twinkling hills. “Sure.”


Silence hung in the air. Jake kicked himself. He had obviously fucked something up. Only two minutes ago, this skinny girl had been bragging to him about how fat she wanted to get. He needed to hear more.


“So…” He tried. “Are you actually gonna do it?”


She frowned, hand buried in her long red hair, and shook her head, clearly uncomfortable. “No. I don’t know. Can we please just talk about something else?”


“Sure.” Jake said. “Anything you want.”


She was breathing deep now, not trying to hide her attempts at calming herself. “I wanna go for a walk, actually.” She said, ruffling her hair and standing up. “Could we go for a walk?”


“Yeah.” Jake said, standing up to join her. On unsteady legs they both walked around the pool and stumbled their way to the front of the house. He snuck quick looks over at her as they walked, trying to imagine her slim body with a bit of jiggle, a bit of heft. Jake couldn't reconcile the taboo admission he had just heard, with the shy, pretty girl he had seen once in a while around the hallways. The one thing he did know, was that he needed to know more, needed to be a part of whatever she might be planning on doing to herself.

The night air was cool as they made their way down the smooth driveway, music and shouts growing fainter behind them.