Too Boring

Chapter 1 being boring

There was a mousy woman who was about 5’4", she was almost painfully thin to look at, and wore large, glasses with dark frames, surrounded by dark hair. The woman spoke with a tall, muscular man with tanned skin, he had dark hair spiked back, the man looked like he could accidentally snap this thin woman in half if things got physical between them. She said “Zero out of six blind dates had a follow up.” She sighed deeply and looked like she was genuinely unsure when she asked “Am I ugly?” The man shook his head and said “No. Not at all. You’re beautiful.” She snapped “Be real with me Will, you’re my only friend who’s a guy. I’m not looking for an ego boost. I want to know why the only dates I can get are blind dates, and even those immediately lose interest in me once they see me. I mean, I’d thought that it would stop when I lost weight, but I’m less than half the size I used to be, and nothing’s changed at all. So, be blunt, I can take it.” William sighed deeply and said “Fine, just remember, you asked for this.”

Will took a deep breath before saying “You aren’t ugly Mila, but most guys would say you look boring. There is nothing about you that is exciting or draws attention.” Mila sighed and said “Is it just because I’m flat chested?” Will said “I hate to sound like a pig like this, but no, not just. That’s only part of the problem. You’ve got a flat chest, a flat ass, a flat everything, hell, if you were shorter you could pass for a child. Is there anything you could do to be, I don’t know, enticing? Like, you mentioned your chest being too flat, maybe losing all that weight was the problem. You said you used to weigh more than twice as much as you do now, did you get more attention then?” “wwwwooowwwww,” Mila said in a long, drawn out sort of way, “Are all men just about tits and ass? Like, so much that you’d tell me to get fat for a chance at them?” Will gave his friend a nervous smile and shrugged, saying “I wasn’t kidding. I think you’re beautiful. But kind of, yeah, most guys look at T and A first.”

Mila said “Well, if that’s the case, then my only hope is surgery, and I’m broke, so that isn’t really an option either.” Will said “So, I take it being a bit heavier didn’t help?” Mila pinched the bridge of her nose as she said “Weight really doesn’t matter much for them.” Quietly referring to her breasts. “I used to be morbidly obese. I was three hundred and thirty pounds at my heaviest, I’m about one oh two now, they were A's the whole time. Maybe they had a tiny bit more mass to them when I was heavy. But even at triple my current weight they didn’t need a bra except to cover my nips when it was cold. My butt’s about the same way. Will said “Maybe try flashy clothes, or telling jokes? Maybe get into hobbies that you’d like to see in a guy? Everyone loves talking about what they love.” Mila said “Uhg, tried it. I hate football, but I know every team and star player for just that reason. Same for star Trek, and even fucking Warhammer 40k. What did it do for me?” she made an O with her thumb and index finger as she continued, “Nothing, nada, zero, zilch.” Getting angrier with each word she spoke. Will said “Well, that’s all I’ve got for now, I’ll do a bit of research and get back to you with any ideas that I can find.” Mila sighed again and said “Sorry I snapped at you.” With a groan, “I know you’re only trying to help me out. You’re a good guy Will.” William smiled and said “Aww thanks Mila, now I’ve got to find you something good.” The two laughed and started talking about other subjects.

The next day William ran up to Mila at a dead sprint, shouting “Mila! I found something!” excitedly and waving a piece of paper in the air Mila gave him a cock-eyed look, and Will said “They’re doing a human trial for a drug and need guinea pigs.” Mila already hated it, but figured she’d hear the man out. So she motioned Will to keep talking. He said “It’s about what we talked about before. You mentioned that your body put none of your weight into your chest or butt, right?” Mila nodded silently and William continued “Well, according to the website this is from,” Slapping the paper with the back of his hand as he continued, “This pill is supposed to change how your body distributes weight. So you can make it go where you want. You’ll be super curvy in no time with it.” He then held the paper up for Mila to see, it had a picture of a rail thin girl labeled “before” and one of the same person, but with an extreme hourglass figure labeled “after.” William pressed the paper into Mila’s hand and said “Their phone number and address are at the bottom of the page if you want to look at it closer.” Mila said “I’ll think about it, since I’m desperate, but in all honesty I don’t like the idea of being a guinea pig.”

Mila did not like the idea of being a guinea pig, but she liked the idea ot being boring and alone even less. So, at 4:45 that evening she decided to take a secret “break” from work, to make a phone call before they could close at five. It went as follows

(“W”)orker: Hello, and thank you for calling Pharmatech, where we make the future, in pill form! How may I help you?

(“M”)ila: I heard you’re looking for that subjects for a medication called “Bustex,” am I correct in that understanding?

W: Yes you are! Though, that name is temporary during testing. It isn’t even the first time we’ve used it. So, if you’re operating off of stories you’ve heard before then they may not be accurate.


Mila wondered just what else the company could have made by that name, but whatever. She had to at least give this the old college try. Will had called her “Boring,” Mila wouldn’t be called that again if she had any say in the matter at all. So she spoke, saying

M: Don’t worry, I’m not operating off of stories and rumors. I just wanted to try this pill out, for reasons I’m sure you can guess.

The woman on the line giggled slightly before catching herself and saying,

W: I’m not laughing at you. I’m in the same boat more or less, but they’re looking for subjects with a particular trait now, it isn’t up online yet, so I’ll just tell you. We are looking for individuals who wouldn’t need a new cup size if they gained a significant amount of weight.

Now it was Mila’s turn to laugh and then explain it.

M: would gaining, and then losing two hundred pounds or so count as “Significant?”

The worker answered as Mila continued to laugh.

W: Yes, yes I think it would. Have you really lost that much weight? Congratulations!

M: Yep, I went from well over three hundred pounds to around one. Had an A cup the whole time. So, if you want someone whose bust is naturally unaffected by weight, then I’m your girl!

It turns out the local Pharmatech office was actually open pretty late, and it was shockingly close, closer than going downtown even. So, Mila went straight there after work. Walking inside, she couldn’t help but notice that the building was extremely cold. Cold enough to remind Mila of why she wore a bra. The buying felt sterile, bathed in florescent lights and smelling of some sort of chemical cleaner. Mila stepped in and saw a woman sitting at the desk near the entrance, she asked “Hello miss, I take it you’re here for the testing position?” Mila laughed, saying “Is it that obvious?” looking down at herself, and adding “Okay, it kind of is. Yes I’m here to test the bustex.” The woman smiled and said “Hey, are you the one who called before? Your voice is familiar.” Mila said “Oh my God, I thought you were at some sort of central office, no right here.” As they chat a bit Mila looked more closely at how the woman looked. She was extremely flat chested, as expected from their prior talk. She was also very thin, her appearance was actually similar to Mila’s own, except that she didn’t wear glasses, and she exuded a bubbly sort of vibrancy and life that almost made Mila want to hug her. Regardless, Mila asked “So, what exactly do I do for this?” the woman said “Oh! Just go through that door,” as she pointed at a door off to the side, then she continued, “You’ll see Doctor Stevens’ office. He’s in charge of the product in this location. He’ll give you a quick test, it’s basically a scratch test on your skin, it shows the presence of genetic traits, I think. Or was it environmental? Whatever. It checks whether your issue is one that the pills will help with. Mine isn’t. But Stevens is a smart guy, he can give you the pills right away if they’ll help. We just need you to turn in a written report once a week on how it’s going, think of it like a schoolwork assignment.” The two then said their goodbyes and Mila went through the door she’d been shown.

The door went to a long hallway, but there was a door on the right wall almost immediately with a sign in front of it that read “Doctor Stevens, prospective test subjects please enter here.” In plain script. Mila knocked on the door to hear “Come in.” issue from within. She went in without delay. Once inside Mila was met by a tall man with grey hair and thick glasses saying “Aahh, are you here to apply to be a test subject?” Mila nodded, thinking it odd that the man didn’t so much as ask for her name, instead of that though he simply directed her toward a chair with a fold out little platform at arm height. It seemed to be intended for drawing blood. The doctor set a stack of papers on it and said “Okay, I just have to give you a quick scratch on your arm, then you can fill out documents while we wait for it to react.” Mila still felt like this was all pretty rushed. Still, she held out her left hand as the doctor produced what looked like a small pin attached to a sheet of paper. He quickly scraped her arm with the pin and Mila began filling out her information on the papers. After about ten minutes the doctor loudly proclaimed “Blue!” in a triumphant voice. “Blue?” The woman asked confusedly and the doctor said “You are the perfect subject for this test. Many are acceptable, but you’re the first person I’ve seen to turn the scratch paper blue.” Mila said “Ooohhh kkaaayy.” In a surprised tone. The man said “Be glad! It means that these,” and he produced a bottle of pills seemingly out of nowhere, holding them up as he spoke, “Will be extremely impactful for you. All you have to do is eat.” “Eat?” she asked with mild confusion. The doctor nodded and said “Yes, the pills change the way your body stores fat, redirecting it to areas most wod find more desirable. Namely your breasts and posterior. It still needs calories to function, merely altering the way your body processes and stores it. There are quite a few genetic factors that determine the details, a Blue test indicates that your body places very nearly none of the excess calories stored in these locations, as such, changing the way this is handled will create a notable difference in your body’s distribution of fat.

The doctor calmed down and bit and said, “So, I would want you to eat as much as you possibly can, so that we can see the difference most clearly when we look at you. But, I wouldn’t try to force you to do that, even if I could.” He then handed Mila a small black notebook with a pen clipped onto it, saying, ”Just jot down everything that you eat, and any perceived changes in your body. Any questions?” this all seemed, I don’t know, right? Like, it was exactly what I had spoken of with Will, a way to make my body less boring without surgery. Even better, item free! I said “No, just think this is everything.” The doctor held up an index finger, saying “Wait! The money. Please take down your food expenditures, they will be reimbursed in order to encourage you to test the limits of the pills. You will also be given a check for five hundred and eighty dollars each month, when you get a refill of your pills dosage and side effects are listed on the bottle. Oh, also, metabolic charges mean that your appetite will grow. So expect to be hungrier than usual.” Mila nodded, saying “Okay. Thank you for the information doctor.” He said “Let’s see, take one pill a day with food, any time of day works fine, it doesn’t effect your sleep either way really, just try to make it around the same time each day.”

About forty minutes later Mila stepped into her home and said “Same time every day.” As she looked at the clock, reading “7:20”she shrugged and said “Let’s call it seven thirty then.” And opened up the pills bottle, dumping one into her hand as she said “Bottom’s up.” Then realized something as she swallowed the pill “Oh right, food.” And she grabbed a banana that was sitting in her counter to eat with her pill. “curves here I come.” She said as she began to eat her banana.