Clair-ity

Chapter 1 cliffbanger

This story is written from a shifting first-person perspective. The point of view (“POV”) character can change between any two paragraphs, when this happens the change shall be indicated by a separate paragraph, containing only the POV character’s name, like so


Clair


Why? Why is Greg acting like this? Is he done with me? Leaving me? We stayed up till three AM last night arguing, so maybe he was. I remember our conversation like it was etched into my mind. Greg had been increasingly distant lately, for no reason that I could even imagine. Our lives were both going well, we were high school sweethearts who got into college together. He had gotten a new job at a burger joint down the street from MSJC, the school we attended. Hell, Greg had even figured out what he wanted to do with his life, sort of, he was talking business courses and planned to resurrect his father’s diner that had died with the man. He seemed happy in every other way, but every time anything about us and our future together came up, Greg would get quiet as a church mouse, and fidget around while looking intensely uncomfortable.

So, last night I was at Greg’s late and, when it happened again, I broke down and shouted, “Why are you acting like this?” For Greg’s face to dance between ten thousand expressions. It finally settled on a sheepish smile, at which point Greg said, “You. Like, you don’t. . .” at which point he paused for what felt like hours. I was about to say something when Greg shook his head, as he said, “Nothing.” I felt confusion and pain in my heart, and asked him, “nothing?” I asked myself boyfriend, “Be honest. Do you still love me?” He paused for an uncomfortably long time, before saying “yes,” in the most clearly forced voice I could imagine. I sighed deeply as Greg stood up and headed toward the door. “Wait,” I called out, “Where are you going?” Greg didn’t stop moving toward the door, but he slowed down, enough to speak a bit, saying “Nowhere. I’m gonna take a walk to clear my head. Be back in twenty.

“The fuck was that?” I asked the empty room. Unsurprisingly, I got no answer. So, I sat alone for what felt like hours. I had nothing to do for an hour, but a writing assignment that wasn’t even due for a month, and I really didn’t feel up to school work just yet. So, I sat in silence, thinking of what that could have been about. Yet, for Greg’s entire walk, I got nothing.

Greg

I always went on a quick jog when I had a lot of thinking to do. Today it was one simple subject, and not a happy one. I still loved Clair. She was kind, loving, and intelligent. She always knew what to say when my world was falling apart. The girl had been a shoulder to cry on when my father passed away. She was my world. But I didn’t find her attractive anymore. I did my best to cover it up, I really did. But every time our future came up my mind went down dark paths. Where did I see myself in five years? Single, and full of regret. Why? Well, we were never super sexual to begin with, so I could hide it fairly well, but only for so long. When we first met, Clair was the perfect image of beauty, in my mind anyway. I hadn’t told her yet, because I hadn’t told anybody. But, sexually speaking, my favorite thing about Clair was always her appetite, and how it affected her body. She was always snacking. The girl seemed almost incapable of ignoring a tasty treat on a countertop, and it showed. She was chubby, not like OBESE, but the girl had some pudge on her. She always hated it, but in all honesty, I constantly found my mind wandering to thoughts of what she’d look like if she ate even more.

But Claire’s hatred of her weight had finally crystallized into action. She went on a thousand diets, most of which failed as I silently cheered on her failure. But then she found one that actually worked. Clair had stopped snacking entirely. She made it a strict policy to never eat at all, outside of two, hour long periods. She would only eat between eleven and twelve AM, and six and seven PM. It worked, I hated that it worked though, I strongly considered sabotaging her by constantly cooking things that smelled great. I knew a few dishes fairly well, my father did run an eatery after all. But no, that was too cruel. By the end of my run, I felt no closer to a solution than I had when I left. But, when I was walking into the house from the sidewalk, I had an idea. It wasn’t much of an idea, but I could ask for advice online. I could crowdsource my planning.

Clair

When Greg came back into his bedroom. I asked him, “How was your run?” and Greg replied, “Honestly, terrible. Like, I feel fine, but I’ve got nothing new to say.” I sighed, and said, “Okay Meatloaf. I’ll let you sleep on it.” Then swallowed the urge to keep saying the lyrics of the song. But I did end up humming it for a while.

And I did let him sleep on it, though I caught myself subconsciously trying to bring up the topic until we went to sleep. Thankfully, Greg never even asked me why I didn’t go home. To be honest, I had mind of hoped he’d want to sleep with me, Greg was always pretty easy to pump for info after he got off. But, no dice there, I didn’t really feel sexy that day anyway.

So, in the morning, afternoon we had each brushed our teeth I asked Greg "So, do you want to talk about it now?” Greg smiled sheepishly and said, “Uumm, let’s wait till after breakfast.” I was annoyed because I’m pretty sure he was just stalling and being evasive. But, fine, I’ll let him wait a bit more, I said “Okay, but be warned, I’ll beat it out of you afterwards if I have to.” I honestly didn’t mean it, but the terrified look on Greg’s face put a sour feeling in the pit of my stomach.

So, my mind spun as I waited, but I decided to go to the kitchen. I did my best to fight the voices in my head, but one fear wouldn’t leave me. Is he done with me? Is this the end? No, I shook my head to get rid of the thought.

But that didn’t really work, so I continued to spin my wheels. Am I really unattractive to him? Why? Is it because im chubby? No, that couldn’t be it, I still want to lose more weight, but I’m a whole seventeen pounds lighter than I was when we first met. I was always the chubby girl at school. Greg knew, he was cool with it. Besides, im down thirteen pounds already! I’m even losing that nascent double chin that was freaking me out. Is my chest too small? I mean, I know Greg is a boob man, but it’s not like they’re small, and even if they were, they’re the same size that they were when we met, at a solid D cup. I’m 5’8” which also hasn’t changed, I have dirty blonde hair, also unchanged. But his reaction to the question wouldn’t leave my mind.

Greg was always a bit of a momma’s boy. He kept it in check for me normally, because he loves me about as much as his mom, I think he does anyway. But we’ve been fighting lately, so it makes sense that he’s holding her above me now. It just sucks.

Greg is a good guy for ninety nine percent of things but when he has a problem with you it bleeds into everything he does. So, when his mom met us in the kitchen and asked if we wanted pizza, Greg agreed instantly, even at an odd time for pizza. I would ask him about us when we returned. Though I suspect this was either an intentional slight, or more stalling.

So, the three of us went out to get pizza and pick up some prescriptions, since they were in the same shopping center anyway. I spent the entire drive to Little Ceaser’s, just thinking about it.

The thought spun through my mind on a loop as I sat in the car. I was seated in the middle row of my boyfriend’s giant SUV, behind Greg and his mom, Paula. I don’t think Greg had said a single mean thing to me till now. Which is why it felt like a knife to the heart when he told me to sit In the middle of the car, so his mom could sit up front with him.

But I swallowed my anxiety and panic as we went to Little Ceaser’s to grab hot and ready pizzas, we ended up getting three, because Greg and his mom will eat one between them, then I got one, plus an extra, just in case.

Then, my boyfriend asked me to wait in the car while he and his mom went shopping. It was another mini freak out for me. Was Greg trying to ditch me? Or does he want to speak with his mom, without my knowing? Maybe he wants a second opinion on his plan to dump me.

After only a minute or two I heard a beeping from the center console of the car. I looked to see Paula’s face on the screen. Below it was. Preview that read, “CLAIR, READ THIS!” I chuckled and picked up the phone, to see the following text,

“CLAIR, READ THIS! It’s Paula, did Greg leave his phone in the car?

I picked up the phone to reply. Before I could even respond to Pamela the last thing that had been on Greg’s phone was visible. It was a Public forum thread by “Greywolfman247,” a silly screen name that I knew was Greg’s, it read as follows,

Am I the asshole for not being attracted to my girlfriend anymore?
I have a girlfriend, let’s call her May. I love May, I really do, but I have one major issue, and I feel petty and dumb for it. Still, it’s the honest truth.
She’s lost weight. I know most folks would say that’s a good thing. But I’m not most folks. I’m really only attracted to bigger girls. I’ve known it since I was fourteen, but I haven’t been able to bring myself to tell anybody, including May. She’s so happy to have lost weight, but I hate it. If anything I was hoping she’d pork up a bit as she got comfortable with me as her boyfriend. I want her to gain weight. I just want her a bit bigger again, hell, I want her a bit bigger than when we met, but I’d accept the same. Still, she wants to lose weight. I just want her bigger so badly that I can’t think of anything else. J would like to think I’m a good boyfriend otherwise, I pay for her whenever I can. I am kind, and supportive, and I got a gym membership when I found out she was worried about my health. I go twice a week and regularly see a doctor to calm May’s nerves for her. I never once even considered seeing another woman before this. But I’ve caught myself fantasizing about bigger women constantly. Is it too much to ask for that May be that bigger woman for me? Like, I hate the idea of strong arming her into becoming a thing that she hates, but I want her bigger so badly.

It feels so petty and small of me to want this, but I miss my chubby girlfriend, and I want to tell her to gain weight. Am I the asshole, and what should I do?

Beneath that was a range of replies, but the general consensus seemed to be something along the lines of “No, you aren’t an asshole, but you are a coward, tell her. Be honest. If the relationship dies from her knowing, then it was doomed from the start.”

As I read, I looked at the three pizzas we had bought, just sitting on the empty seat beside me. I had previously complained that the pizza would get cold if we got them before the pharmacy. But now I decided it was good. So, rather than take Greg’s phone and text his mom, I chose to act like I hadn’t seen the message. I set it down where it was moments ago, and said, “Well, the third pizza was just in case we needed it. Seems like we do.” Before opening a box

I sat in my seat staring at the pizza for a minute, “But do I want to be fat?” I asked myself before shaking my head. No, but I only wanted to be skinny for Greg anyway. Well, that and to avoid judgment in general. But people already judge me for being a little porker anyway, and I’m already getting too skinny for him. Heck, this might even be why he’s been snappier lately, maybe it’s the same as being in a bad mood. When Greg is unhappy with my weight, I’ll know It, even if he tries to hide the fact. Maybe the same is true when he’s happy? Maybe all the stuff that I had just presumed was because he was a good guy, was really just because my being chubby, made him happy? And, if that’s the case, can I make him happier with me again by gaining more weight? If I do, will he be even nicer? Maybe it’s worth bearing the judgment of the masses.

So, I held a slice of pizza in my hand, as I reread Greg’s post. He really wanted me fat that badly? Well, good thing we got so much food. I could probably eat two of the three pizzas without anybody realizing it. Not until Greg realizes that I’m the woman of his dreams anyway. The end of the slice began to droop down, threatening to fall as I stared at it, “Well, now or never,” I said before taking a bite. It was good, I had always liked the cheap, greasy junk food type pizzas. As I ate, I wondered whether I should confront my boyfriend, once we were alone. Or maybe I’ll just let him dodge the question till he guesses that I know on my own.

Four slices later and I was uncomfortably full, but I needed this. I love Greg, and he loves me, even skinny. But, is his post is anything to go off of, then he’ll love me more if I were heavier. So, I groaned in pain as I reached for another slice.

Greg

My mom and I returned to the car from spending too much time to just get a prescription because of some internal issue in the pharmacy. In the car, we saw a shocking sight, Clair was reclined in the middle row, with bits of cheese and sauce on her lips. She looked completely zonked out from eating too much. I said, “What happened?” More out of reflexive shock than an expectation to be answered. My mom, Paula said, “That’s disgraceful. Look at her stomach.” I did as she said, but I absolutely did not have the reaction that my mom expected. It was beautiful. My mouth dropped open as I saw Claire’s engorged belly, rising and falling with each breath that she took. I watched a bit of cheese, floating in a tiny puddle of tomato sauce. It drifted a bit further from Claire’s belly button with each breath that she took. Her belly button that swelled further upward than I had ever seen. I had to ask myself how much she’d eaten, and how much more she could still eat.

Clair must have noticed me staring as she rolled down the window of the car. She said, “Sorry for eating already. I was just so hungry that I just had to eat something. As I chewed my first bite, I felt hungrier, not fuller. I don’t even know what happened after that. The next thing I knew, the two of you were right there. It’s probably that diet I’ve been on. I’ve felt hungrier every day since I started. I guess something just broke, and I couldn’t stop eating until you two showed up. Maybe I should give up on the diet altogether. But it’s the only one that’s worked for me in over a year.” Clair had a look on her face like she was trying quite hard to bite her tongue. She clearly had something else that she wanted to say, but couldn’t. Probably cause my mom is here. So, I tried to focus on something practical, but I could only imagine Clair eating all of that pizza. Her belly looked visibly swollen, I wonder how much food is in it. I wonder how it would look with even more.

I don’t think I’ve ever been half this excited in my life. I wanted to go straight home and go to bed with the beautiful glutton. But, even if she wanted to, my mom stood directly by my side. I wouldn’t be so rude as to tell her to leave me alone with Clair right now so we could have sex. My mother then spoke up, saying, “Aaww, don’t give up Clair! I’m sure you’ll find a diet that works.” I had never felt so tempted to tell my girlfriend, or even my fucking mother about what I liked in a woman in bed. I was trying to find a subtle way to steer the conversation back to Clair giving up on being skinny, when my girlfriend spoke for herself, “Y-“ she shook her head, stopping herself from saying something, or so it seemed anyway. Then Clair took a breath and said, “I don’t know. That would be my forth diet in a row abandoned.” She then sighed deeply, and said, “Maybe I’m just doomed to be chubby,” she then sighed deeply, and shrugged as she said, “Who am I kidding, not chubby, fat. I mean, I was gaining weight every month for a year before I started this diet, and there’s no questioning why. I just can’t stoop snacking it seems. Even when I try, I just end up eating more to make up for it I guess.”

I normally hated it when Clair was hopeless like this. But this time, I was honestly hoping that she was right. As Clair lamented her belly I couldn’t help but imagine how it would be to have a fat girlfriend, an extremely fat one, fatter than I could ever dream of. I was aware that my mom and girlfriend spoke for a bit after that, but I was unable to force myself to focus on them. All I could think of was what Clair would look like after a few years of gaining weight constantly. Her chubby belly would become a giant ball of flesh. Her baby double chin would grow up, maybe even getting a third. Her thighs would become more welcoming than ever. I didn’t talk about it, because it sounded too weird. But the woman’s chest was actually only my third favorite part of her body. A distant third at that, falling well behind her belly and thighs. But if she gains enough weight, they’ll all be bigger. Everything would.

After I spent a moment in thought, Clair spoke up, “I don’t know Paula, I’ll try.” In a voice that normally irked me, but today was exhilarating. Because I knew what that tone meant. Clair was positive that dieting and losing weight was simply not an option, but was conceding to my mom anyway, just to avoid a fight. The drive home was uneventful, save for my fantasies of Clair blowing up like a balloon. Upon getting home, my mom only ate one slice of pizza, commenting that somebody had to stay skinny, then she decided to go jogging.

Once Clair and I were alone, I smiled and said, “So, what is it?” Clair shrugged, and asked me “What is what?” so I asked, “what did you want to tell me, but couldn’t in front of my mom?” I knew she wanted to hear something once we were alone. I didn’t know what she wanted to say though. Part of me just hoped that it would make her forget about what I had said entirely.

Clair.

This is perfect. I don’t want Greg to know that I know about his kinky stuff just yet. But this is a perfect opportunity to tease him. So, in my best imitation of a sorrowful voice, I said, “I don’t know why, but I’m terrified that I’m going to get fat, like, extremely fat. Maybe not fast, but, if I end up gaining weight like I was before I found that diet, well, two pounds a month adds up to twenty-four a year.” I then put on a pouting expression and stepped up to Greg, looking him in the eye and asking, “Do you think you can still love me if I put on over two hundred pounds in a decade, and become a butterball?” Any doubt I had that the post was from Greg died that moment. He really was trying not to smile, and Greg mostly succeeded, but the sides of his lips curled up in the smallest smile, and he started blushing. Part of me was concerned that I was laying it on too thick, but part of me wanted to keep teasing him, even more.

So, as Greg tried to console me, I said, “Hell. Even two hundred pounds would be small compared to how I’ll end up,” Greg was surprisingly good at controlling his expression, but he couldn’t stop himself from blushing, and he was beet red. I glanced down to see that Greg had a tent in his pants. So, I continued, “I’m not even one eighty now, and I’m already getting a double chin! Imagine how I’ll look at three hundred pounds, three fifty, or even more.” Then I sighed and said, “I mean, I already ate so much, and I could still go for m-“ Greg wasn’t good at hiding his excitement outside of his face, but he was shockingly fast, and an open pizza box was in front of me before I could finish my sentence. I took a slice without thinking, and took a bite. Man, I really am addicted to snacking, aren’t I? It’s a good thing that Greg likes that.