chapter 6: steady progress

Anna
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While I would have loved to do those binges every day given the time and resources, the fact that I felt nauseous for nearly a day afterwards meant that we wouldn’t be able to do that too often. I shudder at the thought of having to go to the hospital for torn stomach lining, just for them to prescribe a controlled diet. Funny how that was pretty much my normal life up until four months ago.

Speaking of which, it was my weekly weigh in day, but since I had just woken up, it took quite a bit of mental effort just to get out of bed. I was also a bit hungover, since David and I had taken to adding beer as a beverage to my meals in an attempt to slow down my metabolism even further. Quite a bit more physical effort than what I had been used to growing up, too. I had officially crossed the line into overweight (that night at the buffet was actually what did it, according to my BMI), and it was definitely a process getting used to all that amazing new weight. As I scratched my now respectable gut, I had to take a moment for everything to stop jiggling so much before I could make a true effort in getting my fat ass out of bed. Okay, maybe it was more self indulgence in just *feeling* how fat I had already gotten.

As I heaved myself upright and tossed my legs over the side of my bed, I noticed some extra snacks on my bedside table, no doubt left there by David before he had gone to classes. I picked up a family size bag of potato chips and started munching as I got a read on my body. At this point, I was considering whether or not I wanted to wear pajamas to bed, mostly due to the fact I was so quickly outgrowing my old clothes that I didn’t want to put the effort into buying what was really only going to last me a few months. While the verdict was currently wearing something to bed, I was pretty much always in the same outfit no matter when or where: a (slowly less and less) oversized hoodie and my baggiest pair of sweatpants, which was already starting to feel more and more like a normal pair of pants. I’m pretty sure I was already overdue to move to an XL, and who knows how long it’d be until I had to tack another X onto that. After my early morning snack was done, I wiped the crumbs off my shirt before getting a real good look at myself while sitting down.

My thighs now touched and even squished out considerably whenever I sat down, which was definitely new. My butt was also in that zone, but I had no idea whether it could be called big given everything else going on. My arms were still pretty small, but even then, I was already noticing some extra flabbiness whenever I moved them quickly, and my fingers were also a little less dextrous than they used to be. My bra size had gone up again to a 38C, but I was reminded once again on what would soon be my crowning achievement: my belly. Sitting down, it was a lot easier to see the damage my overeating had done to my once flat stomach, as it formed what almost looked like a pile of dough covering my lap about two inches from my torso. It even formed creases on my back under my braline. I took a deep breath as I slowly rocked back and forth to build up enough momentum to get me out of my bed. With a final push, I was on my feet, albeit a bit shakily. As I made my way to the bathroom with noticeably heavier steps than at the start of the school year, I grabbed another snack from my nightstand, just because I could. Once in the bathroom, I decided to take a look in the mirror as well, willingly ignorant to the crumbs and whatnot on my face and in my hair.

Even with all of the much more noticeable changes, more subtle ones weren’t escaping my attention, either, especially with David there to help point stuff out. While I didn’t have a full double chin yet, it was well on its way, and even my face had gotten a bit rounder too, with my cheeks filling out quite nicely. My shoulders and back, while not as dramatic as other areas, were a bit more sensitive, and I often found stronger lines from my bra traced on my skin. But now it was the moment of truth: the weigh in. As I activated the scale and let it tare, I laughed as I noticed even my feet were starting to look a little chunkier. I stepped onto the scale, eager to see my progress. In just four months, I had gone from 115 lbs. to…

My jaw dropped as I saw 203 lbs. display on the scale. Last time I had checked my weight two weeks ago, I had been at 182. I was pretty sure this meant I had officially crossed into the territory of obese if my BMI was any indicator. I took a picture of the number and sent it to David, a big stupid grin on my face. I had gained 88 pounds in four months while also putting effort into school. Who knows what could happen after David and I graduate?